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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 08/07/2019 12:00

omg your PIL's are being totally selfish.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/07/2019 12:03

"Going to ring him and insist he discusses it properly with them and explains the issues".

You can do this and certainly should but your words may fall on deaf ears. This is because he is far more afraid of his mother and copping her wrath than he ever would be of you.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 12:03

I've spoken to dp. He's going to talk to. Them apparently they have already booked their travel before speaking to us and are going for a month!two weeks before we arrive and a week after wtaf!

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 08/07/2019 12:05

Oh that's bad. They will already be settled in to their chosen bedrooms and ready to 'host' you.

livefornaps · 08/07/2019 12:07

They are selfish cunts stealing a nice holiday from children.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/07/2019 12:08

I'd cancel OP, no way would I be paying all that money to be squeezed into a teensy space because they decided last minute to take over your trip. Flowers

bluebeck · 08/07/2019 12:08

OP just tell us where it is and we will find you something!!! Grin

To be honest if you aren't all staying somewhere else it will be a horrible holiday for you. I really wouldn't go. I would send DH and the DSC and you can have a lovely break just you and baby?

Either staycation or a little break just for you two? I bet you will feel more relaxed at the end of it than you will be if you go and share with PILS.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/07/2019 12:08

OP, he won't talk to them in a helpful way. You know he won't. He will come home effectively saying "It will all be fine" and you will be expected to deal with the shitshow.

Book that AirBnB now!!

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/07/2019 12:09

Or yes, just don't go yourself.... price of flights though :(

lottiegarbanzo · 08/07/2019 12:10

I think, with that update, I'd cancel completely.

DP nees to tell them you'd understood you could have the place to yourselves, so you'd all have space to relax. If you knew they were coming you'd have booked elsewhere in good time.

Look for a last minute bargain for yourselves instead.

lmusic87 · 08/07/2019 12:10

Your DP really needs to step up here.

DarlingNikita · 08/07/2019 12:13

Classic bait and switch. How weird of them.

I think your suggestion to stay separately sounds good. Let your DH deal with the fallout of his kids having unsuitable sleeping arrangements and have your own relaxing time alone with the baby.

Amibeingdaft81 · 08/07/2019 12:14

They are selfish cunts stealing a nice holiday from children.

Oh come on! This is an exclusively adult issue. The grandparents and children don’t have a difficult relationship the OP doesn’t say. From the children’s perspective their presence may be a lovely addition

livefornaps · 08/07/2019 12:14

If i were any of the kids i would hate my mum being booted out the hiuse to make room for two selfish elderly cunts!

LauderSyme · 08/07/2019 12:15

You are being very reasonable about this OP, almost too reasonable perhaps! Their thoughtlessness and selfishness will cost you extra emotional load, money and extra logistics to plan. Plus it means you don't get a proper holiday away with your partner. It is not fair that you alone are having to scramble to pick up the pieces here.

PILs obviously think it will be lovely to have the whole family together for this holiday but they haven't thought beyond the ends of their noses. Surely when you announce your change of plan for you and the baby, any decent person would realise they need to bow out!

Amibeingdaft81 · 08/07/2019 12:15

I think your suggestion to stay separately sounds good. Let your DH deal with the fallout of his kids having unsuitable sleeping arrangements and have your own relaxing time alone with the baby.

Such an odd way to approach a marriage

livefornaps · 08/07/2019 12:16

@Amobeing daft - i highly doubt this especially as all kids now need to squueze into one room instead of having their own, fucking hell i would hate it

PinkSquidgyPig · 08/07/2019 12:17

Whilst I think that they are dreadful for doing this and just not seeing or caring about how it affects you all, so selfish, if you can't get other accommodation I wonder if there is room downstairs for some people to sleep? I have a two bedroom house and have accommodated 4 extra people with creative use of the rooms. The teens slept downstairs as they were the last to bed, then decamped to my room in the morning whilst I quickly cleared the bedding from the air bed/settee.
Although I realise it requires extra bedding that you may not have access to.
Another thing our family has done at my parents French home was to have the big group there for just a couple of nights (overlapping). This takes the pressure off. Could they overlap the last couple of days of your holiday, so they get to spend some time with you. But not the whole time.
I assume they are retired and more flexible than you. Don't let the overlap be at the start of your holiday or they'll extend their break and fuck you over again!!

They should understand that their change in plans has made it impossible for your family to have a decent holiday. Grim

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 12:17

The kids love their grandparents as they give them sweets and toys.
They don't see them very often so it's difficult.
I can't understand the thought process they had here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 12:19

They have already book travel. For a month, our weeks in the middle. No reason as they are retired an dcan go anytime

OP posts:
Crankybitch · 08/07/2019 12:21

I would stay at home - it doesn’t sound relaxing at all

CruellaFeinberg · 08/07/2019 12:23

have you looked at moving your flights?

can you post which airport you are going to and roughly when - let the power of MN find you somewhere

Pinktinker · 08/07/2019 12:24

They’re deliberately being obtuse here. No need for it.

Your DP needs to tell them the accommodation just won’t work out with them there, there’s not enough space for everyone for starters. What a way to ruin your family holiday last minute, crikey.

I’d find a local air BnB and stay there instead.

WomanLikeMeLM · 08/07/2019 12:25

For the sake of a week i think you should all just get along instead of assuming the worst.

8misskitty8 · 08/07/2019 12:26

I would act daft and ask them were they are staying for the week that you are going and would they like to meet up one of the days to do something ?

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