to wonder how other ugly people come to terms with being genuinely unattractive?

[MingingInTheRain]

Objectively speaking, I'm ugly. This isn't a matter of low confidence, it's just fact.

I've got a minor oral defect that means my jaw is out of line giving me a serious double chin despite being fairly slim, and my teeth are wonky as fuck (like really really wonky with a massive overbite, this probably could have been rectified to some degree when I was a child but my parents don't believe in dentists and now it's too late for me to get NHS orthodontics). My nose is huge, which on top of the jaw/teeth issues makes my face look fairly misshapen. Plus I'm very shortsighted so wear mega thick glasses (can't afford slim lenses!).

My figure is ok (starting to wobble a bit with age but it's not terrible), but my fanjo area is not a pretty sight after a traumatic birth - it functions ok so not a massive deal, I know it could be a lot worse, but it doesn't help with the whole package.

My oral defect also means I can't snog or give a decent blow job, so basically I'm fucked

And as I approach 40, and the father of my DC has left me for someone younger and prettier, it just gets me down. For years I've made myself stand out in an unconventional way (piercings, unconventional hair and clothing etc) but as I get older I just feel like that's getting to look really jarring on someone pushing 40. I don't have the benefits of youth or a perfect figure anymore which were basically my only decent points lookswise!

I always thought it didn't matter because I had found someone who would love me forever anyway but clearly that was a delusion, and I can't see anyone else ever being interested now

Milliemarnie that's true, but I think it's significant that those threads are usually women talking about how much they fancy certain unconventional looking men. I'm not sure you'd see an equivalent on a website that had predominantly male users, with men going into raptures over Susan Boyle or Jo Brand or whoever (I was short of examples of non-beautiful famous women, I don't think either of those women is ugly, but they're not young/thin/perfectly made up). I don't think that men have higher standards than women when it comes to looks, but I do think they're less likely to see lack of handsomeness as an impediment to being loved. I also don't think they're judged on their looks to anything like the same degree.

Its worse when you had a lot going for you then you start noticing old age kicking in and it slowing down lol.

Its like shit!!!! what do I do????? botox is the answer for me and its not too bad now.

I have never worried about being ugly but not fitting in I do. Socially awkward high functioning autism. It sucks

I know but scorpio I think it’s even worse than that when your 71 year old mother who is twice your age looks more attractive than you. That’s bad.

I remember that being ugly is far from the worse thing I could be.

I'd rather be ugly than cruel or boring.

I am not defined by my appearance.

Of course looks matter in our society, and to say they don’t is disingenuous and a ship of the privilege that comes with fitting a certain ‘look’. But as others have said ‘good looks’ and ‘attractiveness’ are not the same thing at all. George Eliot, the archetypal ‘attractive but not conventionally beautiful’ woman, and one of my absolute heroes, said it best:
The most powerful of all beauty is that which reveals itself after sympathy and not before it. There is a charm of eye and lip which comes with every little phrase that certifies delicate perception or fine judgment, with every unostentatious word or smile that shows a heart awake to others; and no sweep of garment or turn of figure is more satisfying than that which enters as a restoration of confidence that one person is present on whom no intention will be lost. What dignity of meaning goes on gathering in frowns and laughs which are never observed in the wrong place; what suffused adorableness in a human frame where there is a mind that can flash out comprehension and hands that can execute finely.