to wonder how other ugly people come to terms with being genuinely unattractive?

[MingingInTheRain]

Objectively speaking, I'm ugly. This isn't a matter of low confidence, it's just fact.

I've got a minor oral defect that means my jaw is out of line giving me a serious double chin despite being fairly slim, and my teeth are wonky as fuck (like really really wonky with a massive overbite, this probably could have been rectified to some degree when I was a child but my parents don't believe in dentists and now it's too late for me to get NHS orthodontics). My nose is huge, which on top of the jaw/teeth issues makes my face look fairly misshapen. Plus I'm very shortsighted so wear mega thick glasses (can't afford slim lenses!).

My figure is ok (starting to wobble a bit with age but it's not terrible), but my fanjo area is not a pretty sight after a traumatic birth - it functions ok so not a massive deal, I know it could be a lot worse, but it doesn't help with the whole package.

My oral defect also means I can't snog or give a decent blow job, so basically I'm fucked

And as I approach 40, and the father of my DC has left me for someone younger and prettier, it just gets me down. For years I've made myself stand out in an unconventional way (piercings, unconventional hair and clothing etc) but as I get older I just feel like that's getting to look really jarring on someone pushing 40. I don't have the benefits of youth or a perfect figure anymore which were basically my only decent points lookswise!

I always thought it didn't matter because I had found someone who would love me forever anyway but clearly that was a delusion, and I can't see anyone else ever being interested now

I honestly think when people smile it radiates on their face and it is beautiful. Even if you are not conventionally attractive. Confidence is also a big part of it. OK so there are some issues with your over bite and nose, if that can be fixed to make You feel better then go for it. But if not focus on things you have control over. Go and get a fabulous new wardrobe and go and get your hair done. Get some gorgeous body moistrizer and exfoliate. So your skin feels gorgeous. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have a bottom the size of Brazil (BJ quote) but my fella loves it even after I've just had a baby and put on about three stone.

But I'm working on fixing the three stone thing because it's In my control. My eyes are small and squinty but all he sees is the colour which he loves. Right now your probably looking at yourself thinking all kinds because of some wanker.

Put a picture up of yourself I bet we can find beautiful things that you can't see. Ugly is a stupid word what the hell even is ugly?! We are all programmed to believe we should look like some magazine cover girl when in reality them girls are not the norm!

know what you're saying but believe me, I really don't look attractive. It's not me being hard on myself, I am properly double take ugly!

No, no, no. Who says you're ugly? Apart from you? It is you being hard on you We all have positives. What are yours? Write then down. Believe in them. Believe in you

Do your DC look like you at all? They must do a bit.... Try and see that you contributed to their cuteness and so you must share in it, even if it's just a little bit.

Oh op, I've never seen anyone that is double take ugly so i'm sure your not and I think that we are always a little too harsh on ourselves.

You say your look approaching 40 is jarring, what about your current look do you not like? If you have a nice figure at 40 then you have an advantage over some women already so maybe work on that with some new clothes.

What do you like about other women you find attractive, is it their hair, make up clothes, tell us and maybe we can help.

Many of the most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on and left for other women so whilst I'm sure it's a huge knock that's happened, it really doesn't reflect on you in any way.

Equally I have spent time with some very beautiful people who lose their attraction and shine 5 minutes into the conversation because they're just plain not very nice (although equally of course some continue to look stunning and have lovely personalities - I'm just saying personality changes how we view faces)

I think if you take care of your appearance, wear nice jewellery, etc. and you value yourself it really does alter how people treat you. You have just as much worth as the most physically beautiful women and it's about tapping into the things about yourself you feel good about.

I hate when people over the internet insist someone can not be ugly.
The truth is that most people are somewhere in the middle in terms of attractiveness. And then there are a smaller number of people at each extreme.

You may not (necessarily) attract someone for your looks but if you get to know them first as friends they'll fall for you based on your personality and that lasts a lot longer. And smile a lot - a smile can make almost anyone attractive. (Pouting on the other hand is not a good look so I fail to see why so many women do it in selfies)

OP at least you have DC & you are clearly attractive enough in looks & personality to attract a man for a long term relationship.

People say I'm pretty but I've never had a decent relationship & at 42 have no DC due to having serious mental health problems etc.

Looks really arent everything - one of the most beautiful young women I know has BPD & injured herself regularly.

I've always thought I was much more attractive than I actually am. I often get a shock when I look in the mirror.
I seem to smile on the inside as my face always looks miserable.
Since developing a medical condition I've realized I'd rather be very ugly and healthy than good/average looking and have health problems.
If you are healthy you are ahead in the game. Work on yourself mind and body.

Confidence is incredibly attractive. For me looks are what initially gets me to notice but I love confidence and intelligence. I’ve gone for unconventional looking people purely based on personality and their confidence. You sound like a really fab person. And I think sometimes our looks bother us more than others.

Also looks have no bearing on whether men will cheat.
Take Bradley Cooper who has split with the stunningly beautiful Irina Shayk over his friendship with Lady Gaga.

Seriously, its better to be nice on the inside.
Not everybody is Shallow Hal.

Personally, I don't like piercings and so on, and that might be putting off people who would want a relationship.

I would be surprised if your doctor would not refer you for help with actual physical/medical issues.

Good luck

Please go back to the GP . Send him a note beforehand to make sure he understands how miserable you are. Could you afford private treatment?
Crowd funded maybe? Feel so sad for you - sending hugs x

I know someone who is tall, slim and a stunningly beautiful person inside and out. She hates her legs with a passion.

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder and we are our own worst critics.

Op, get back to your GP about the fact that you can’t breathe properly, I know somebody who has recently had surgery on their nose on the NHS for exactly the same reason as you, he broke it as a teen. He now has a nose he can breathe through and is straight.
Step away from the alternative clothing/hair/piercings and start dressing classically, good grooming and looking polished goes a long way. There are some fantastic threads in Style and Beauty about how to dress well on a budget.
Enquire about teeth straightening, lots of private orthodontics have a finance option. You could live the next 40 years of your life with straight teeth.
I’m a looker and always have been (child/teen/adult model) it’s not all it’s cracked up to be trust me, nice men tend to keep their distance, I’ve attracted all manner of cocky assholes over the years. I have never had many women friends outside of work because women tend to not trust you or think your ‘up yourself’ I spent a fair few years during my late 20’s and early 30’s very lonely.
Beauty is only skin deep. It sounds like a cliche but beauty really does come from within. DP was initially attracted to how I look, after a few dates he said that he actually liked me as a person but he wasn’t expecting to.
As for your ex, fuck him. You will find somebody who loves and appreciates you for exactly who you are.

I know it’s not the point of your thread, but I have to say that a man who made you think that your attractiveness or value as a partner was in any way connected to your ability to give blow jobs sounds like a dick, and someone you are better off without.

Look at Love Island. They are all superficially gorgeous - but after a few weeks you start to not like some of them as much as others, (or even much at all) and it's only partly due to physical appearance, or maybe not at all to do with physical appearance.

I’m sure you’re not nearly as ugly as you say.
But I had adult orthodontics just after having my ds and I am now so much happier and more confident smiling. It has changed my whole face shape. I paid outright but the clinic did finance deals where you could spread the cost. I know not everyone can afford it but if you could stretch it may be worth it.

I like the alternative look on women over 40 actually OP

I'm the same OP I have a ridiculously big overbite and set back lower jaw that gives me a lovely double chin. I don't think anyone in my life has said I'm pretty.
I'm saving up to get my teeth fixed, I have no idea if I'd be eligible for NHS treatment I've always been to embarrassed to ask.

Strangely though I've not had a problem ever finding a partner, my ex was stupidly attractive and when I asked him why, out of all the attractive women he could have had he chose me, he said it was because I made him feel alive and I was beautiful on the inside. He still tells me how great I am now when I bump into him. So although I was bit hurt he didn't say I was pretty which to be fair I'm not, he'd have been lying. Out of all the attractive people he could have chosen, he still picked me with my shit teeth and double chins over them, so there must be something about me that's good even if i have no idea what it is. I've just learnt to be happy with that and try not to think anymore about it

I've just had adult orthodontics and corrective jaw surgery at 40. It's worth asking.

Well you managed to get a bloke before so you can’t be that ugly?!

I’m so happy with my shiny Eevee from the special research, she’s so beautiful! Also very please I got a Kyogre for my 7 day research and not another damn Lugia.

"That’s important because it ties in with the idea that everyone has a right to dress well, look after themselves and look good in what they wear, it’s not a privilege for attractive people only. "

Good point.
I remember the boys at school laughing at me mentioning makeup, presumably because they thought I was beyond hope. I think calling makeup etc. 'beauty' also put me off for a while.

Sorry, I had two pages open and posted on the wrong thread! I’ve reported my post.