Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up over a bag of coke ?

174 replies

Farkirkmash · 07/07/2019 09:08

So DP has admitted he’s occasionally done cocaine on a night out
None since birth of our daughter
Went out last night, I asked him if he’d done any when he got in ( because of the crowd) he said no.
Went downstairs this morning he had got undressed in the bathroom and an empty bag of coke was next to his pants

Do I kick him out ?
I feel like I need to but do I break my family up over this ?
We have one baby together 6M and I have another child age 4.
I hate drugs and im so upset he’s lied Sad

OP posts:
nespressowoo · 07/07/2019 09:09

It would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry Sad

Lockheart · 07/07/2019 09:09

Do you want to kick him out? If it's a deal breaker for you then end it.

TheSandgroper · 07/07/2019 09:09

I would. And there would be no discussion.

Original poster
Farkirkmash · 07/07/2019 09:10

@nespressowoo do you think it’s worse he lied or just bad in itself ?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 07/07/2019 09:11

'We have one baby together 6M and I have another child age 4.
I hate drugs and im so upset he’s lied '

So why on earth would you even consider staying with someone who brings 'bags of coke' in the house.

No brainier

HettySunshine · 07/07/2019 09:11

It would be a game changer for me. My ex boyfriend was really into coke, ecstasy, mdma etc. and would get horribly off his face a couple of times a months.

It cost him an absolute fortune, turned him into a twat and then he was a miserable bad yard for days afterwards.

There is no way in the world I would allow a class A's user anywhere near my children.

The fact that he lied about it would be the final nail in the coffin. So sorry op.

Soontobe60 · 07/07/2019 09:14

Imagine if your 4 year old had wandered into the bathroom, found the bag, opened it, ingested some of the coke? Now try to explain that away to social services as they take your children off you.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/07/2019 09:16

I’d be packing his bags and telling him to go. I hate drugs and won’t tolerate a partner that uses or smoke any.

stillmoving · 07/07/2019 09:16

I'm anti drugs so I would not accept this as being ok.

But even in relationships where people do take recreational drugs, he has overstepped the mark bu putting your children at risk.

Honestly there is no way I could live with a man so stupid.

EvaHarknessRose · 07/07/2019 09:18

Worse that he lied. Throw him out and have some thinking space. He came back into a house with you and your baby after taking drugs which he knew was not ok with you.

Chickenwing · 07/07/2019 09:20

He lied because you hate drugs and he didnt want you to kick off.

Have you spoken to him about it? He needs to be honest about it. If it was a one off because he was drunk I could forgive it but if it's a regular thing hes doing and hiding I think I'd reconsider the relationship.

MegaClutterSlut · 07/07/2019 09:20

I think the lie is just as bad if not worse tbh as everything he says and does in the future you will have doubts on whether he is truthful or not. Trust me I know first hand and it's shit

DdraigGoch · 07/07/2019 09:21

I wouldn't even bother to pack his bags. His stuff would be straight out of the window. He's a lying Class A drug user. Quite apart from the risk the drugs pose to your family, there is a bloody trail left by these drugs all the way from South America to the streets of London. He has blood on his hands.

ProteinshakesandAntonsAss · 07/07/2019 09:21

Total deal breaker for me.

You do realise it's not just one bag of coke, though, dont you?

It may have been one bag last night. But I very much doubt he hasnt dont any since your child was born. And he most certainly did it while you were a couple and you had ds to think about.

He spent money getting off his tits. I assume you are ok for money if he spunk money on cocaine?

Then add in what would have happened if you son found it?

My friends daughter went into her room and found some over the counter tablets in a drawer. We dont know if she actually took any but did say they tasted funny and that she spat them out . We went to hospital anyway, just incase and SS got involved over that. Luckily, they were happy it was a one off and closed it immediately.

What would happen if you took your child to hospital because they found your boyfriends coke?

Mayday19 · 07/07/2019 09:21

Well you can't believe now that he hasn't done it since your baby was born, can you? He did it and lied about it, his word is worthless. Obviously some people are up for a bit of cocaine use but I would kick him out, as I am not.

Azadewow · 07/07/2019 09:23

Reading the title I was convinced it was a typo... It shouldn't be even a question! Of course you should remove a drug addict from the family unit, especially since he is also a liar, who has no concern about the safety of the kids (abandoning a bag of coke in an easily accessible area to the kids). And you won't be breaking the family. He did that through his selfish, lying irresponsible actions. Do you really want him as a role model for your young kids Hmm

herculepoirot2 · 07/07/2019 09:23
Flowers

Both the lying and the bringing of drugs into my home would be the end for me.

ProteinshakesandAntonsAss · 07/07/2019 09:23

He lied because you hate drugs and he didnt want you to kick off.

Well that's ok then. It's ok about drug taking because your life partner doesn't like it.

RedSheep73 · 07/07/2019 09:24

That's a pretty big deal. Both the illegality, and the fact he lied about ut.

Newmumma83 · 07/07/2019 09:26

@Farkirkmash you have to go with what your gut instinct tells you .

But to answer your question for me ... it’s empty I didn’t actually bring drugs in... so bad but not as bad as it could have been.

Otherwise he lied, and he did class A drugs ... he has kids and you already have a 4 year old so he hasn’t grown up enough to realise perhaps he has greater responsibilities than getting his jollies off.

I would seriously fall out over this lying is unacceptable and he needs to grow up and leave drugs behind ... change his friends or take a break from Drinking out until the urge goes to do drugs .... what if he has a bad cut and he dies or over doses ... he will
Leave two kids without a dad??

What could he have done with the money he spent on it?

What does he say if his kids grow up and start doing drugs?? Is that something he is ok with? Because we all lead by example.

He needs to grow up ...

VampirateQueen · 07/07/2019 09:26

The drugs in themselves would be a massive deal breaker for me, that's before factoring in the fact he lied.
As PP's have said what if your 4 year old found it first? It may have been empty but, there would still be remnants of coke in it.
Also it isn't you breaking up the family it is him, get rid of him before this gets worse and one of your kids get hurt.

Newmumma83 · 07/07/2019 09:27

Like all addictive substances he needs to want to give it up

Dyrne · 07/07/2019 09:28

I can’t believe you’re not more horrified by this, OP - there’s no way that bag could be completely empty and clean. I agree with others - what if one of your children had gotten hold of it?

I would kick him out immediately. But then again I would have ended it after the first admission of past use. My question to DP when he gets in from a night out is usually “did you have some cheesy chips?”. I have never felt the need to ask him if he did cocaine Hmm

TitianaTitsling · 07/07/2019 09:29

imagine if your 4 year old had wandered into the bathroom, found the bag, opened it, ingested some of the coke?. Absolutely this and if he denied the coke being there and she was unwell, how would you even know what had happened to her?

Original poster
Farkirkmash · 07/07/2019 09:30

I know everyone is right I just feel so let down and awful Sad

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread