To break up over a bag of coke ?

[Farkirkmash]

So DP has admitted he’s occasionally done cocaine on a night out
None since birth of our daughter
Went out last night, I asked him if he’d done any when he got in ( because of the crowd) he said no.
Went downstairs this morning he had got undressed in the bathroom and an empty bag of coke was next to his pants

Do I kick him out ?
I feel like I need to but do I break my family up over this ?
We have one baby together 6M and I have another child age 4.
I hate drugs and im so upset he’s lied

I wouldn't be with someone who takes coke. Aside from the fact that people who take drugs are the most boring people in the world, I think it's morally reprehensible. They're contributing to organised crime and murder for their own enjoyment. Fuck that and fuck them.

It would be the end for me because my DH knows how I feel about it and understands why. He also isn't the 'type' to do this so if I found what you did, then he wouldn't be the man I thought he was.

Those saying 'it's not much worse than alcohol blah blah' are missing the point. It's illegal and its provenance is is terrible. If they banned alcohol then I'd stop drinking it. I wouldn't want gangsters to profit from me.

I wouldn't tolerate being lied to. Make him leave, then see how is. If he can grovel I might give thought to one last chance

The lying is worse than the actual bad behaviour. Once the trust is gone, what's left?

To everyone who is hyperventilating about a theoretical problem to the OP's 4 year old child: you seem to have forgotten all the OTHER children who are being harmed & killed by the production of cocaine - metro.co.uk/2016/05/24/this-is-how-many-people-have-been-killed-for-your-gram-of-coke-5901645/

I would not want to live with someone who is condoning that amount of bloodshed, gang warfare, & environmental destruction.
He's likely to have blown around £60 on his bag of 'fun' ... & I bet this isn't the 1st occasion since the baby's birth - just the 1st occasion he got caught.

Cokeheads are arseholes when they are high, & continued use makes them continual arseholes who can't cope without their snort.

So this charming, murder-supporting, rainforest-destroying lying wastrel: What DO you see in him, OP?

mussolini9 makes a fair point.

Although I still say he put the child at risk in their own home, and thought that would be the wake up call for OP to boot him out.

I’ve spoken to him.
He’s said he fucked up and he shouldn’t have lied, he said he lied because he knew I would kick off.
I tried to explain the risk to the kids and it just felt abit like he thought I was being dramatic. He’s going to stay at his mums tonight while I think

Omg my blood just ran cold. This is the scariest thing I've ever read on Mumsnet. I have a 4yr old and the thought of her finding a bag of coke...... Jesus OP kick him out NOW

Playing the devils advocate here, but I don't think it would be a deal breaker for me.

It was an empty bag, so he didn't bring drugs into the house hence putting the kids at risk.

If you do believe that it was a one off (or a rarity at least) and everything is good otherwise, then I don't it would be worth ending everything over it. He is a grown adult and if he wants to take coke on a night out, without you, once in a blue moon, then that's on him. He knows you don't like it and that's why he didn't tell you. As long as he gets up this morning and gets on with the day, no harm done.

Obviously more of an issue if he's in bed all day, this is a frequent occurrence, or it's having a major financial effect

Wotcher Lisbon.

To be fair, the child was more at risk from the plastic bag itself than any tiny amount of residue in the bag. Being so off his face he didn't notice a potentially lethal lastic bag left lying around for his kids to find is irresponsible enough. Let alone the shit-for-brains coke habit.

you are living with a drug user who sees no issues with his actions. I'd be bloody dramatic too!!!

He thought you were being dramatic?

No, you were telling him that leaving even residue of class A drugs around your children is dangerous, irresponsible, stupid and potentially life threatening.

He's fucked up?

No, he made a conscious decision to lie, and to take drugs.

You'd kick off?

So it's YOUR fault he lied? Bullshit.

He's minimising furiously.

If you tolerate it, you're allowing someone who sees no wrong in bringing drugs that could kill your children into your home.

I know that's blunt, but it really is that simple.

He prioritised getting high over you, your children and your family.

Hi opfor you because you are the one who is being left with a huge change in your life,
You will be having to be a sole carer for two children,run the home,explain to your oldest dc why their df is no longer at home,and of course,you will miss the love and affection from your partner.
But you will get through it,make sure you immediately seem support financially for your dc from him and don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family.there is a support group for family and friends of addicts,they may be able to give you some good advice.
Stay strong,down the line,you are going to be stronger,very happy,settled and secure.
You will be ok,and you can do this.🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

“Alcohol is a million times more destructive”
Tell that to the women murdered by the drug cartels.

Coke is a filthy drug. I hate drugs full stop, but coke , as pps have said, is bloodstained.
Also carries the risk of psychosis, and cardiac arrest. I get palpitations due to a thyroid condition, and before diagnosis I went to a walk in medical centre in London as I’d had a scary episode and wanted to be seen quickly. The first thing the Doc asked me was if I took coke. She said she sees loads of city boys with irregular heartbeats etc, from coke use.
Then there is the lying and the risk to your children. He needs a massive wake up call.

Seek not seem

www.adfam.org.uk

It was an empty bag. The child would not have died.
That said it is the lying that's awful.
I occasionally take an e (about once every two years). I tell DH. I make sure I have 2 days to recover away from the kids. I never bring drugs into the house.
If he told me it is was a deal breaker I would never take them again. Did he know it was a deal breaker?

Op

‘I’ve spoken to him.
He’s said he fucked up and he shouldn’t have lied, he said he lied because he knew I would kick off.
I tried to explain the risk to the kids and it just felt abit like he thought I was being dramatic. He’s going to stay at his mums tonight while I think sad’

He’s upset that he’s lied, not that he’s took coke.

If my husband did this he would have any chance to explain himself.

He wouldnt’

The chances are he will never stop doing this, just get better at lying about it.

SirViv - Alcohol is also a drug and approximately 7500 a year in the UK die from it, far more have reduce quality of life as a result. It turns people into absolute twats, in often part of violent crime and implicated in domestic violence. Tell the child of an alcoholic that alcohol isn't that bad.

I hate the cocaine industry but to diminish alcohol is equally as awful.

It would be the end of our marriage. Drugs are a deal breaker for me. Not saying it would be easy. I have a job that requires me to be registered and drugs in home could lose me my job. I am also not watching the person I love slowly kill themselfs.

3 things about this

1. he left drug paraphernalia around for your children
2. he came home and was still under the influence
3. how many times has he done it and lied

It really gets my goat when partners say 'i didn't tell you because you'd kick off'. They need to own their actions.

Even my DH, who dropped dead in the street after using cocaine, never brought any home where the kids might find it. He swore he wasn't using too. Goes with the territory. Never again.

Sorry you are in this situation OP. I hope you have a supportive family. Try and be strong and do what's right even though it may be harder in the long run.