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Original poster

Had a blazing row with friend at Gay Pride

233 replies

Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 01:42

I have name changed in case I'm being a precious arse.

Me, oldest friend and his BF were at Pride in London today and were having a jolly old time, drinking, making friends with like minded people and having a right old laugh.
As the day wore on and the 3 of us were getting a bit too oiled, my friend and his partner would compliment large breasted ladies on their clevege, such as 'nice tits or' nice pair', while I cringed and stepped away.
Most of the complimentees laughed and thanked them (thank fuck for drugs and /or alcohol) but one particular girl said in a - not very serious tone- 'I'm only 15'. Omg.

As I walked ahead dying of shame, I heard my friends say to the girl and all her friends, that they were gay and to calm down Shock.

I, in a very gentle way advised them that comments like that could potentially land them in trouble. Well I was told in about 18 different ways that I was being utterly rediculous, because 1. They are gay, so not a threat, 2. She wore a very low top, so should expect comments - yeah I know and 3.She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better????!!!.

Neither of them thought they did wrong and I tried to give them hypothetical examples of how none of those facts would matter if parents happened to have heard /seen it or if she was filming on her phone.

I begged them to drop it in the end as they took it very personally, refused to listen to me and we went round in circles. I said I would post here and show them the thread (if I'm right Grin).

For context my friend is late 40s like me.
So am I talking rubbish?

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/07/2019 16:06

Sadly, unless any men have posted on this thread, they'll probably disregard it entirely Sad Still, at least you'll be rid of them. 'Free speech' ffs, what utter dicks.

Xenadog · 07/07/2019 16:32

So it’s OK them to harass women for being women is it? How do they feel when they get homophobic shit thrown at them by the heterosexual community?

Utter wankers the pair of them and I would not be calling either of them your friend any longer.

Fibbke · 07/07/2019 16:39

The ironic thing is that if anyone said anything that unpleasant to them it would be illegal hate speech. Misogyny is still absolutely legal however.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 16:42

The ironic thing is that if anyone said anything that unpleasant to them it would be illegal hate speech. Misogyny is still absolutely legal however.

This with bells on.

We can't state the dictionary definition of female as fact, without fear of arrest but two grown men can shout sexually aggressive comments at a 15 year old with no fear of consequences.

If that's not fucked up I don't know what is.

Pinktinker · 07/07/2019 16:48

YANBU.

They have absolutely no right to objectify women (and teenage girls- boak!) just because they have no sexual interest in them. Disgusting behaviour and at their age they really should know better.

Armadillostoes · 07/07/2019 17:00

I am stunned and so sad. Also, as a side but not irrelevant note, they are idiots to encourage teenage girls that they will be safe from male predators in gay clubs/other gay spaces. The "don't worry we're gay" line is scary, because I have had bad things happen in such contexts and it was a nasty shock. Some straight and bisexual creeps lurk around and chance their arm.

SummerHouse · 07/07/2019 17:04

Some women might take this as a complement. Some women, particularly children, might be upset, intimidated, embarrassed, angry, offended or creeped out. Do your friends really want to be the kind of people that make such potentially upsetting comments?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/07/2019 19:33

I'd be interested to hear what your 'friends' say after reading this thread. Make sure they're aware that the default position on Aibu is for people to tie themselves in knots trying to find some reason why the OP is BU.

SushiForAmateurs · 07/07/2019 19:36

Your friends will completely disregard everything on this thread on the basis that we're all just a bunch of hysterical harpies.

Instead of experts on why verbal assault is so fucking tedious and annoying.

40YO men shouting out 'nice tits' is about the most embarrassing thing I can imagine.

WineGummyBear · 07/07/2019 19:41

Men can sexually harass women and minors with impunity if they are gay.

Wait, what?

SunnyInGrimsby · 07/07/2019 19:52

Time to find some new friends.
Their behaviour is abusive and cruel.

voddiekeepsmesane · 07/07/2019 20:01

OMG can they not see the correlation between the homophobic behaviour they may have encountered and the sexist,misogynistic behaviour they are displaying. I don't give a fuck if you are gay or straight you have no right to speak to girls/women that way. My brother is in his late 40s and gay he wouldn't dream of speaking about ANYONE in this way.

Goldenphoenix · 07/07/2019 20:39

Your 'friends' are arseholes who enjoy making women feel embarrassed and targeted. Please do show them this thread and then avoid them forever.

Rezie · 07/07/2019 20:43

I'm pretty sure #metoo doesn't discriminate based on sexual orientation. They said all the same things that every creep says. Asking for it?! Being gay doesnt make it ok. Being a straight woman and doing it to other women is not ok.

BatShite · 07/07/2019 21:13

Your friends will completely disregard everything on this thread on the basis that we're all just a bunch of hysterical harpies.

Yup, I predict thats the response, if any.

This thread brings to min the many gay men who have groped me in my lifetime, ranging from my best friend at 15..right up to a 'close friend' who found it acceptable to purposely grab my tit and shake it around infront of loads of people, then use the 'you know I am gay' excuse when I told him to fuck off. I have never properly challenged any of this as I do write it off as 'just blokes' but I will challenge properly from now on as I realise my reactions will possibly make them bloder in sexually harassing other people tbh. I am in the position where I can challenge them and not really lose anything by it so I will definitely do so from now on, in the hope of stopping them being misgynistic areholes.

I don't want the above to come across as blaming women for mens behaviour, so it my wording is wrong I apologies, I did not mean it in that way.

A a side note, it is odd..possibly just my own experience, but the amount of gay guys who do seem to be as attracted by breasts as other blokes. Near every gay guy I have ever known has constantly commented on them and/or felt the need to grope me relentlessly. Theres only been a couple who did not do this..

BatShite · 07/07/2019 21:14

Ugh again my wording is wrong I KNOW on the second bit. Attracted by breasts is not really the reason for the comments and gropes is it..its just male entitlement to womens bodies.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/07/2019 21:22

There's something very Jimmy Saville about this - the thrill being getting away with transgressive action 'because I can', not through satisfaction of real sexual attraction.

Armadillostoes · 07/07/2019 21:23

Echoing Voddie-This behaviour has nothing to do with their experience of the world of gay men. I am very close to several male friends who have to be gay and Hell would freeze over before they behaved like this. There is zero relationship between idiocy and sexuality. Utter muppets come in straight, gay, bi and pansexual varieties.

SushiForAmateurs · 07/07/2019 21:32

There is a lot of anger on this thread - mine included - because what is just a momentary laugh to these chumps is something we've had to put up with all our lives.

And it's so, so depressing to think that even people who've also been harassed and hassled by men themselves, still don't get it.

It's not the sexual orientation of the harassers - it's the harassment itself which we hate.

I don't want anyone passing judgement on my appearance, me, my tits, or any other body part. I just want it not to happen - to me, my DD, or any other woman.

You'd think gay men would get this more than most. But only do they not, they think it's funny to behave like the worst type of male specimen.

They will switch off from this thread very early on because of the anger emanating from it, instead of stopping and listening and actually hearing what we're saying.

My DB is gay and in his 40s. I cannot in a million years imagine him behaving like this.

BatShite · 07/07/2019 21:32

I am very close to several male friends who have to be gay and Hell would freeze over before they behaved like this.

Well yeah, I have a few close gay mates who would not ever behave in such a way, nor think it was fine for them to be misogynistic simply because they are gay. Those friends, I honestly have not ever heard even a questionable word from and I do utterly trust them. Just seems like from personal experience, the behaviour is quite rife. However..its also rife among a hell of a lot of straight blokes. So if its a bloke thing rather than a sexuality thing (obviously) then that makes sense really. Many many blokes think its fine to comment on/touch/jome about things to do with womens bodies, its not a rare thing sadly. So it would make sense, that many gay blokes are the same, despite not being sexually attracted to women. Its male entitlement rather than actual attraction in many many cases. A few may grope women as they fancy them or whatever, but most..its because they can and find it amusing.

AloneLonelyLoner · 07/07/2019 21:37

Wtaf.

Treating women and girls like shit is never ok. Whether you're gay or not. Knobs!

I'm just appalled.

Sistersis · 07/07/2019 21:40

That's what a paedophile would probably say. Gay or not, those comments are not right

CathScarlett · 07/07/2019 22:05

There is definitely a proportion of gay men who think it's acceptable to grab at and comment on women's breasts and bodies because they're gay. I've noticed it for a long time and I hate it with passion, but have always been made out to feel like I'm being a misery if I object to it.

It's the same, in a small way, to how some gay men try and give me advice on makeup, despite me having worn it every day for nearly 20 years and these men having never worn it. Gay men are still men, and sometimes appalling misogynistic ones.

CathScarlett · 07/07/2019 22:07

There is definitely a proportion of gay men who think it's acceptable to grab at and comment on women's breasts and bodies because they're gay.

Sorry, I've worded this badly. They're obviously not behaving like that because they're gay, but think being gay means they can get away with it because they're not a 'threat'.

mathanxiety · 07/07/2019 22:12

this will be so far from what they are expecting and they will definitely take it personally.

Poor diddums can dish it but they can't take it.

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