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Original poster

Had a blazing row with friend at Gay Pride

233 replies

Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 01:42

I have name changed in case I'm being a precious arse.

Me, oldest friend and his BF were at Pride in London today and were having a jolly old time, drinking, making friends with like minded people and having a right old laugh.
As the day wore on and the 3 of us were getting a bit too oiled, my friend and his partner would compliment large breasted ladies on their clevege, such as 'nice tits or' nice pair', while I cringed and stepped away.
Most of the complimentees laughed and thanked them (thank fuck for drugs and /or alcohol) but one particular girl said in a - not very serious tone- 'I'm only 15'. Omg.

As I walked ahead dying of shame, I heard my friends say to the girl and all her friends, that they were gay and to calm down Shock.

I, in a very gentle way advised them that comments like that could potentially land them in trouble. Well I was told in about 18 different ways that I was being utterly rediculous, because 1. They are gay, so not a threat, 2. She wore a very low top, so should expect comments - yeah I know and 3.She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better????!!!.

Neither of them thought they did wrong and I tried to give them hypothetical examples of how none of those facts would matter if parents happened to have heard /seen it or if she was filming on her phone.

I begged them to drop it in the end as they took it very personally, refused to listen to me and we went round in circles. I said I would post here and show them the thread (if I'm right Grin).

For context my friend is late 40s like me.
So am I talking rubbish?

OP posts:
overnightangel · 07/07/2019 10:04

“I know they are both totally harmless”

Would you consider a man telling your 15 year old daughter she had nice tits “totally harmless”??

Sorry OP but I couldn’t on conscience be friends with odious slimy entitled pieces of shit like that no matter how much you want to wrap it up and justify it in the “harmless friendly gays” stereotype

overnightangel · 07/07/2019 10:06

Spot on @yiskasha

lottiegarbanzo · 07/07/2019 10:10

There is something going on here I think about men being very visually orientated, Pride being a carnival and 'woman as costume'.

As if some men forget, or never knew, that 'woman = person' and 'buxom woman' is not just a titillating outfit - whether worn by others or themselves.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/07/2019 10:14

Street harrassment isn't harmless btw, it limits women's lives and freedom. Yes, they could get into trouble - with an angry parent or friend.

Whether making lewd remarks to young teenagers is incompatible with their jobs depends on the job.

mummmy2017 · 07/07/2019 10:14

Show them some articles about sexual harassment....

RockinHippy · 07/07/2019 10:49

Street harrassment isn't harmless btw, it limits women's lives and freedom

This with knobs on!!

My own DD who is strikingly pretty, with a great figure & an F cup, has been harassed in the street by man mercilessly since she was 14, even in school uniform, lots of similar sounding taunts about her "great tits" from random entitled men who don't care that she's underage, the poor ignorant wee saps just see tits not a person, let alone a child 🤬

At 16, with a figure most would kill for, she chooses to wear big baggy more masculine clothes when out & even in the summer covers up in the sea in tee shirts etc as she is so self conscious of her fabulous figure.

This if the effect that wankers like your friends have on young girls 🤬

Fiontar649 · 07/07/2019 10:51

I hope your friends can remember being a teenager, and how that is a hard period for many of us to navigate, and how one small minded comment can play on the mind for years to come. I hope they are proud that they (possibly) have left a 15 year old wondering what she did wrong, to give grown men permission to comment about her.

I'd also encourage them to watch Panti's Noble Call and remember that up until very recently, and still now I am sure, gay people had to check that "the gay" didn't show too much... in case entitled assholes just had to comment.

Asses.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DWXayhUzWnl0&ved=2ahUKEwiE9pTFwqLjAhUKAcAKHdx1Da0QwqsBMAF6BAgHEAU&usg=AOvVaw0ZqpTReSoS5-Mx_3z1dBtz" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DWXayhUzWnl0&ved=2ahUKEwiE9pTFwqLjAhUKAcAKHdx1Da0QwqsBMAF6BAgHEAU&usg=AOvVaw0ZqpTReSoS5-Mx_3z1dBtz

lolaflores · 07/07/2019 10:56

Double standard to mention the girls choice of clothing when gay men are parading (in the reals sense ) in leather chaps, doggy outfits, S&M gear. That's ok? She has the temerity to wear a top and it's a free for all?

Mrskeats · 07/07/2019 10:58

Pride is all about male privilege. It’s a parody and I can’t stand it.

Sewrainbow · 07/07/2019 11:00

Yanbu! Shock

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 07/07/2019 11:08

Agree with everyone else here - male privilege & sexist, misogynistic behaviour! Disgusting and I sincerely hope you ditch him as a friend.

Original poster
Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 11:40

Hi everyone, I have just woken up to find it's now on page 7 and I am overwhelmed by the support that I have received.
In answer to a pp about other red flags, then yes there many but I can't really divulge because I want them to see this thread.
I have learnt so much about privilege and #metoo from this furum and I can't go a day without quoting the stuff I have read on here to friends and family and I don't think I am taken seriously. I'm generally seen as a bit contrary and have been accused of getting into debates for fun so I have adapted to keep sctum.

I could cry. And I'm so sorry for posters who have been negatively affected by pricks such as these, I had no idea how wide stread this was. Omg Sad.

OP posts:
SagAloojah · 07/07/2019 11:46

Being a minority is no excuse to abuse another minority (which women are due to being a subordinate group in society).

lolaflores · 07/07/2019 11:50

Well, a woman who has a mind if her own and wont buy the bullshit is shut down. I am also pleased that we no longer end up in psych hospitals or homes run by the catholic church.
It's not going to be easy to confront the casual arsehole who amuse themselves at womens expense.
But, we can all do a bit.
Our daughter, sister etc need to know they dont have to tolerate this in the 21st century's.
Pride...my hole.
Just same shit
Different flag.

poisonivybee · 07/07/2019 11:51

Completely understandable being uncomfortable & you're not talking rubbish, and they should've stopped when you asked because as someone with boobs, you probably know better than them the effect of what they're doing!

I can understand being pissed and saying stupid stuff, but for two 40 year old men tell a 15 year old "calm down, we're gay" is disgusting. She had every right to be upset and they should have appologised - "We're so sorry, we're very drunk and that was innappropriate. You deserve respect. I hope that you enjoy the rest of Pride." or something like that. Their sexuality has very little to do with the situation.

Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're not a threat either! It's not like gay men can't cross a forcefield to hurt or humiliate women. You could even argue that some women may find them more of a threat because if they did anything to them, some people would take the woman less seriously than if they were straight/bi.

If they really really want to complement someone's boobs... the safest bet is to wait for someone to ask "do my tits look nice in this?". The only situation I can see this working out (nearly?) every time is with a woman you're having sex with, which they probably to have no desire to do.

Basically I would forgive your friends for the catcalling if they can see the issues with it and won't do it again (especially if they don't have much in the way of social skills and struggle in social situation)

I would find it hard to forgive victim blaming a 15 year old girl, especially if they didn't show remorse after sobering up. I hope she had friends/family with her.

Original poster
Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 11:52

As an aside, once they have seen this thread, they will probably fall out with me, as this will be so far from what they are expecting and they will definitely take it personally.
Fuck why didn't I do a vote, it would have been much quicker.

OP posts:
RushianDisney · 07/07/2019 11:58

I wouldn't worry about them falling out with you, why would you want to be friends with any man who thinks it's totally acceptable to harass teenage girls?

BreconBeBuggered · 07/07/2019 12:00

I think there'd have been plenty of comments regardless of a poll. OP. This kind of blindly entitled behaviour is so commonplace, but it's not something you ever become immune to. I've been the slim teenager with noticeably large breasts, and would have neither known or cared about the sexual orientation of the many men who felt free to pass comment or have a bit of a grope.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 07/07/2019 12:02

Pride is all about male privilege. It’s a parody and I can’t stand it.

This.

I couldn't be friends with people who genuinely behaved and thought that way tbh.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 12:03

this will be so far from what they are expecting and they will definitely take it personally

They saw fit to sexually harass a 15 year old girl, make her distress all about them, and have absolutely no remorse for being yet more men who think that women and girls have to accept sexually aggressive behaviour from men in the street.

They fucking should take it personally. I bet they'd have been the first to scream discrimination if her parents had challenged them (as I would have if she'd been my 15 to DSD)

But sexually harassing children is apparently just fine because they're gay.

Bullshit.

They're entitled, sexually aggressive misogynists, they should take this thread personally because their behaviour was abhorrent.

Women and girls have had enough of this shit.

Original poster
Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 12:03

Rushian hi, I'm not worried about them falling out with me, I was just pointing out the irony.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 07/07/2019 12:15

Of course they'll take it personally. It's pretty clear from what they said to you, that their own perspective is the only one they're capable of perceiving. Nothing else really exists in the world.

SagAloojah · 07/07/2019 12:23

The racial politics are also dodgy as fuck (apparently it’s fine to shout racial abuse and slurs about penis size at black men if you are gay as well).

I've noticed this too.

Also, women can't take it that a man won't harass or rape them because he's gay. Rape is more about power than sex.

SagAloojah · 07/07/2019 12:24

*can't take it for granted

Mammalian · 07/07/2019 12:26

Doesn't matter if they're gay men.
If a straight woman shouted at me "nice tits" I'd feel just as pissed off