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Original poster

Had a blazing row with friend at Gay Pride

233 replies

Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 01:42

I have name changed in case I'm being a precious arse.

Me, oldest friend and his BF were at Pride in London today and were having a jolly old time, drinking, making friends with like minded people and having a right old laugh.
As the day wore on and the 3 of us were getting a bit too oiled, my friend and his partner would compliment large breasted ladies on their clevege, such as 'nice tits or' nice pair', while I cringed and stepped away.
Most of the complimentees laughed and thanked them (thank fuck for drugs and /or alcohol) but one particular girl said in a - not very serious tone- 'I'm only 15'. Omg.

As I walked ahead dying of shame, I heard my friends say to the girl and all her friends, that they were gay and to calm down Shock.

I, in a very gentle way advised them that comments like that could potentially land them in trouble. Well I was told in about 18 different ways that I was being utterly rediculous, because 1. They are gay, so not a threat, 2. She wore a very low top, so should expect comments - yeah I know and 3.She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better????!!!.

Neither of them thought they did wrong and I tried to give them hypothetical examples of how none of those facts would matter if parents happened to have heard /seen it or if she was filming on her phone.

I begged them to drop it in the end as they took it very personally, refused to listen to me and we went round in circles. I said I would post here and show them the thread (if I'm right Grin).

For context my friend is late 40s like me.
So am I talking rubbish?

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 07/07/2019 07:57

So they are gay, did they call out the men and boys with cries of "nice arse/nice balls"?

No? Because it wasn't about attraction it was about power. This vv is SPOT on.

This type of predatory leering has nothing to do with sexual attraction, it's about power and the pleasure of making women and girls feel small and uncomfortable. - @Greensleeves

and I know they are both totally harmless They are NOT harmless. A poor CHILD has been sexually harassed as have many women. That doens't make them harmless, sexual objectivition is NOT harmless.

Now a child and more women have #metoo stories to tell, when there are already way too many being told (because it happens way too many times, not because they shouldn't be telling them). They have just added to that, and didn't even see fit to apologize to her/her friends when called on it, they went on to justify their abuse of her.

They are arseholes.

differentnameforthis · 07/07/2019 07:58

*objectification

Notmyrealname855 · 07/07/2019 08:02

That’s really misogynistic. None of my friends (gay or straight) would do this. I have been shouted at before and it’s made me so uncomfortable and feel tiny :(

Yesterday I was at Pride and groped by an old gay guy and it’s horrid because being there to support and having such a fun time, you’re really caught off guard. Then just a bit stressy waiting for it to happen again. Not exactly a fun Pride this year. Interestingly it’s only been older gay guys who’ve ever done this to me (over 50s).

Genuinely thinking out loud and wonder why they commented on women - is it because we’re a group that is less likely to give a violent response? Is it “nice” being the shouting person, not the one being shouted at?

Btw if you’re friends say we’re all snowflakes or anything similar, chuck them!

Moralitym1n1 · 07/07/2019 08:02

How bizarre.

Ive known a few gay men and I really cannot ever imagine them acting like this.bthey are friendly & normal toward females.

They just sound like assholes - their sexual orientation is irrelevant.

Notmyrealname855 · 07/07/2019 08:03

Similar posts!

LizzieSiddal · 07/07/2019 08:07

Mathanxiety you are so right. They are doing it because they know they can get away with it.

Exactly. They’ve admitted they think they can do it because they are gay. They have absolutely no regard for the poor women they are looking at, evaluating, opening their misogynistic, ugly mouths and making comments about.

Tell them to shut the fuck up!

And I feel so sorry for that poor 15 year old girl. She will have thought your “friends”, were dirty old men.

dottiedodah · 07/07/2019 08:09

Sashkin, Maybe I live in a bubble ,but I was watching Pride ,on TV and thought what a great event .Had no idea this kind of thing went on there at all!.Guess I just thought all Gay Men were kind and non judgmental!.I am genuinely shocked TBH.(Dont actually know any gay guys except for a friend of my daughters)!

LizzieSiddal · 07/07/2019 08:11

Ive known a few gay men and I really cannot ever imagine them acting like this.bthey are friendly & normal toward females.

I won’t say what I want to, as I’ll get deleted but your experience is the opposite of mine.

Danceswithlightning · 07/07/2019 08:13

They were completely in the wrong.

I used to hang round gay bars with my then gay best friend and was once forced against a wall by a man trying to put his hand down my top saying "it's ok I'm gay so don't want to fuck you!". He was very angry that I kneed him in the balls to get him off me.

What made it worse is that my then friend stood up for him saying I was being stupid as they were all gay. He knew how self conscious I was and that I had never even kissed anyone (I was 19) but because they were gay apparently it was fine to cross my boundaries. Needless to say we haven't spoken since.

ReganSomerset · 07/07/2019 08:14

Two thoughts :

Does everyone who verbally harasses someone else actually intend to rape them or physically assault them? If not, does that make it OK?

When determining assault, the question is not, 'did they mean to be intimidating' but 'did the victim feel intimidated'. Also, do either of them have jobs that could be in jeopardy if video of them making sexual comments to a teenager were to surface?

tomtom1999xx · 07/07/2019 08:16

I’m trying to work out why gay men would be looking at women’s breasts in the first place. Confused

Snog · 07/07/2019 08:17

Would any woman enjoy this kind of comment? I would find it harassment.

recrudescence · 07/07/2019 08:18

Being gay has no bearing on whether you are a prick or not.

Well said. And substitute black, white, disabled, trans, autistic ... etc, etc as required. The gay men in this example were most definitely pricks and in your place I’d reconsider the closeness of my friendship with them.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 07/07/2019 08:19

They are vile misogynists and you need new friends.

LizzieSiddal · 07/07/2019 08:19

II’m trying to work out why gay men would be looking at women’s breasts in the first place.*

Because they think they have the right to comment and look at women’s bodies.

Just like any other man really.

FreeFreesia · 07/07/2019 08:20

They are letches. That the girl called them out on it, you explained & they still don't get it just shows how deeply it's ingrained.

Onescaredmuma · 07/07/2019 08:20

If ever there was a thread for the vote but its this one you are 100% Not unreasonable they are dick heads.
Years ago that 15 year old couldn't have been me I was a DD from. 14 and with a size 6 waist they were noticeable loads of men felt the need to "compliment" me on them or grab them sometimes worse. My mum also hated the fact I had a big chest (still does) and would go on about it all the time and tell me I shouldn't dress like my friends because of it so I ended up getting a real complex about it. It would have devistated me to not even be safe from glaring and pervy men at an even like pride too.
I really agree with the posters saying its about power and making women feel small because even if I was joking on the outside I felt disgusted with myself and dirty on the inside.

ginandbearit · 07/07/2019 08:20

I had a male straight nurse colleague who would camp it up and , in his words 'act gay' to verbally and physically abuse women with obscene talk and groping . He pretty much got away with it as most of the women were too shocked but also too ..er.polite ..wrong word but that seemed the thing..to challenge a gay man . He really didn't like women at all .

BlueCowWonders · 07/07/2019 08:20

Male privilege
You, as a women, needs to be corrected by these men as to how a 15 year old girl would feel. Because they know better.

LizzieSiddal · 07/07/2019 08:21

DancesWithLightening Flowers
I’m sorry that happened to you and your “friend’s” response was just dreadful.

Ginger1982 · 07/07/2019 08:21

I know, like and respect many gay people but I hate the mentality of some gay people (usually men) that because they are gay they can say whatever they want sexually and nobody is allowed to be offended because they wouldn't do anything or don't mean it because they are gay. It makes no difference. It's still horrible behaviour.

Hebdenbridge · 07/07/2019 08:25

Urgh, that's fucking gross. It's almost WORSE that they are gay! They have no actual interest in tits or women, they are LITERALLY doing it to for shits and giggles/to make the women uncomfortable. They really hate women don't they, don't even think of them as people.

If it had been my 15 year old, I would have kicked them in the nuts

FudgeBrownie2019 · 07/07/2019 08:29

This type of predatory leering has nothing to do with sexual attraction, it's about power and the pleasure of making women and girls feel small and uncomfortable.

Exactly this.

Being gay doesn't automatically absolve you of responsibility for your own misogynist words any more than being straight does. Fuck them both.

Messyisthenewtidy · 07/07/2019 08:30

And having had a young woman call them out on their sexist harassment, what’s with the mansplaining to YOU, a woman , about why you are wrong and they are right?

This! It boggles my mind that as a girl I would have endless conversations about this and be told by men (my dad included) that some girls like it and how are men supposed to know if that particular girl at that time does or doesn’t like it?

And I wanted to scream “but even if you’ve been called out on it just once, by one girl, then you know it’s not a given that ALL girls like it so why not err on the side of caution and not say anything?

And it also boggles my mind that when you say YOU don’t like it, they mansplain and tell you how you should feel rather than accepting that this is what you DO feel!

It’s as if the opinions of women are only legitimately representative of women if they are supporting the feelings of men.

Hebdenbridge · 07/07/2019 08:31

PLUS, actually it's PRIDE...how do LESBIANS feel about being sexually harassed by lecherous middle-aged men, at an event that is supposed to celebrate THEIR sexuality??

PRIDE increasingly seems to be a misogynistic event centred entirely around men and their sexual fetishes. It's no place for women, particularly lesbians

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