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Original poster

Had a blazing row with friend at Gay Pride

233 replies

Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 01:42

I have name changed in case I'm being a precious arse.

Me, oldest friend and his BF were at Pride in London today and were having a jolly old time, drinking, making friends with like minded people and having a right old laugh.
As the day wore on and the 3 of us were getting a bit too oiled, my friend and his partner would compliment large breasted ladies on their clevege, such as 'nice tits or' nice pair', while I cringed and stepped away.
Most of the complimentees laughed and thanked them (thank fuck for drugs and /or alcohol) but one particular girl said in a - not very serious tone- 'I'm only 15'. Omg.

As I walked ahead dying of shame, I heard my friends say to the girl and all her friends, that they were gay and to calm down Shock.

I, in a very gentle way advised them that comments like that could potentially land them in trouble. Well I was told in about 18 different ways that I was being utterly rediculous, because 1. They are gay, so not a threat, 2. She wore a very low top, so should expect comments - yeah I know and 3.She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better????!!!.

Neither of them thought they did wrong and I tried to give them hypothetical examples of how none of those facts would matter if parents happened to have heard /seen it or if she was filming on her phone.

I begged them to drop it in the end as they took it very personally, refused to listen to me and we went round in circles. I said I would post here and show them the thread (if I'm right Grin).

For context my friend is late 40s like me.
So am I talking rubbish?

OP posts:
MadamBatty · 07/07/2019 12:29

They know what they’re doing but they don’t care. It’s all about them & their feelz.

Do you want to be their hand maiden

RockinHippy · 07/07/2019 12:31

The more I think on this, the more this makes me really sad. I've been a "fag hag" all my life & loved the fact, as did all of my friends that gay bars & clubs were safe havens from idiot blokes shouting sexual abuse or trying to grope you or chat you up on a night out. I feel sad that idiots like your friends mean my DD doesn't have the luxury of a safe haven of a night out, as I did in my youth

SagAloojah · 07/07/2019 12:32

So they are gay, did they call out the men and boys with cries of "nice arse/nice balls"?

No? Because it wasn't about attraction it was about power. This vv is SPOT on. @differentnameforthis

This type of predatory leering has nothing to do with sexual attraction, it's about power and the pleasure of making women and girls feel small and uncomfortable. - @Greensleeves

So true

omione · 07/07/2019 12:45

Why do you have friends like these ?

overnightangel · 07/07/2019 12:46

@Havingarethink please report back on what your friends say once they’ve read the thread I’d be fascinated to know their reaction, thanks. And well done for standing up to them Wine

foreverhanging · 07/07/2019 12:57

Fuck me, they're gross

dottiedodah · 07/07/2019 13:02

Rockinhippy Sorry to hear about your DD.My mum who had big boobs and a small back ,(thankfully Im the other way round)!.used to have this problem in the 1950s ,when as a shy teenager of 14/ 15 had to travel on the underground to work .(School leaving age at that time!) had to endure leering old men ,looking at her boobs and making inappropriate comments .Silly me ,I thought this kind of thing had died down more recently with Womens equality ! seems not ,sadly .

VivienneHolt · 07/07/2019 13:04

I hate this bullshit. I was once fully groped by a gay man I didn’t know at all, and he and all of his friends laughed and said ‘it’s ok, he’s gay!’ like that ought to make it less humiliating and violating. It’s a real male privilege thing, and it’s a shitty attitude that you were right to challenge.

WillLokireturn · 07/07/2019 13:19

Male privilege suggest they think they can say what they like to young girls. What does it matter that they are gay? That’s just a smokescreen to being as vile as any other (straight) middle aged guy leering at a teenage child.

This^^

YANBU. You'd be at 99-100% if you'd done a vote button.
You don't sexually harrass anyone, let alone a child. The fact they are 40 and can't tell who's a child or not, is because they don't care. They made sexual comments to an underage minor! They behaved like a bullying misogynists, enjoying their little offensive "game" and probably upset a lot of women that day including making a teenager feel very uncomfortable.

I think police if they'd witnessed it or had a video /complaint passed onto them, would have a "word" at minimum.

AlunWynsKnee · 07/07/2019 14:09

I have spent the morning trying to find a solution to a problem my 13 year old autistic dd has. Long story but one of the things that feeds into it is anxiety and another is people making comments about parts of her body. She is beyond self conscious about her body and one unwarranted observation can cause untold difficulties. It's impacting her education, her tiny social circle and her health.
A comment on her body from two grown men would embarrass and shame her in a big way. She's in the prime group of FtM trans children, the group that's seeing an explosion in numbers. Men like your friends could easily tip her into a life of binders and surgery.
All for a bit of banter. They can't tell she's autistic from a quick look anymore than she could infer their intentions from a quick look.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 14:15

AlunWynsKnee well said. The targeting of mostly young, ND girls by certain factions is being widely suppressed (to the surprise of nobody) and it's so important that it's heard!

Also well said about the impact of these entitled arseholes making aggressive comments to a young girl.

They can't see past the end of their own nose, too busy making life all about them. To hell with the consequences.

The irony of marching to decry oppression while behaving like an oppressor is not lost on me and I hope they read this.

You have no moral high ground. You are oppressors.

cavalier · 07/07/2019 14:15

I have a gay friend and he does have some banter ... but it’s can be over the top really but we do have a laugh ... and the thing is I’m an old married woman ...the young 15 year old is a minor .... that is my main issue ..:

Sn0tnose · 07/07/2019 14:16

To Havingarethink’s ‘friends’ (and I sincerely hope that her friendship with you is what she’s rethinking). I really hope that now you’ve sobered up, you’ve realised what an utter pair of creepy sleazebags you’ve been and are cringing in embarrassment.

1. They are gay, so not a threat Ooh, that’s ok then. Cause women love creepy men making comments about their boobs when they know that the men are unlikely to try and rape them afterwards. It’s only comments from potential rapists that we aren’t keen on! Fucking dickheads! There is absolutely no difference between your behaviour at Pride and the creepy comments shouted out from van windows as they drive past.

2. She wore a very low top, so should expect comments Jesus fucking Christ. If you were abused (ranging from comments all the way up to sexual assault) how would you feel if you were told that you invited it because you were bare chested? Or were wearing shorts? I cannot believe that this needs to be explained to a grown adult, but unless someone is wearing a sandwich board asking you to comment on their body, clothing is not an invitation.

3.She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better. That is a fucking disgusting attitude. It is not her responsibility to help you and your boyfriend not to be a couple of disgusting old creeps. And should know better about what, exactly? To go to a festival (that, amongst other things, celebrates the fact that gays and lesbians can now walk down the street without having abuse routinely hurled at them) and not realise that she would be subjected to physical appraisal by two pervy middle aged men? How naive of her!

Fucking shame on you. Stay off the drink if you can’t handle it.

cavalier · 07/07/2019 14:19

Would your friend be mortified if he read the reactions ? .... if it’s a fun day out then alcohol can change things .......it’s not what’s said it’s tbe way it’s said ... at my age my boobs are going south so it would be a compliment but ... it’s dodgy ground for sure

Sn0tnose · 07/07/2019 14:26

it’s not what’s said it’s tbe way it’s said

I’d disagree hugely with this cavalier. I don’t want any man apart from my husband commenting on my boobs. It’s irrelevant to me whether they’re gay, straight or bi, or how nicely it’s worded.

Cheby · 07/07/2019 14:32

I had a gropey gay friend who was forever grabbing women's boobs.

I know this was waaaay back on page 1 or whatever, but I just wanted to say this this poster doesn’t have a ‘gropey’ friend, she was friends with a man who habitually sexually assaulted women.

Cheby · 07/07/2019 14:34

YANBU OP. Your ‘friends’ are disgusting; the absolute epitome of male privilege.

OhtheHillsareAlive · 07/07/2019 14:39

I heard my friends say to the girl and all her friends, that they were gay and to calm down

Being gay doesn't magically innoculate you from being a sexist chauvinist woman-harrasser.

What they're showing you is that they have little or no respect for women, and think they are above being called out on it, because they're gay.

It's really sad when one realises that one's gay male friends are as much sexist pigs as one's straight male friends.

LizB62A · 07/07/2019 14:48

If they couldn't tell she was only 15, why did they expect her to be able to tell that they were gay?

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 14:49

LizB62A very good point!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 07/07/2019 15:13

If a 15 year old should expect comments because she wore a low cut top where does it stop? Is it a women's fault if she get raped because she wore a low cut top or a short? Their views are pretty abhorrent even if they couldn't tell she was under 16. Sick to death of men blaming women and girls for their own behaviour.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 15:15

If what people look like means they invite aggressive comments, what is pride all about then?

Because I'm fairly sure it's to make the point that people can be who they are WITHOUT being subjected to aggressive comments. Or it used to be before it was hijacked.

yulet · 07/07/2019 15:19

Pricks.

Get rid OP!

Hebdenbridge · 07/07/2019 15:54

I can't imagine this thread will cause the misogynistic lecherous old men to reconsider sexually harrasing women and girls, for entertainment; didn't they say that OP was over reacting because she had been brainwashed by MN? They don't have any regards for women's feelings or opinions whatsoever

SrSteveOskowski · 07/07/2019 16:03

"She wore a very low top and should EXPECT comments"? Shock Fuck that! Your friend is a knob.