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Original poster

Had a blazing row with friend at Gay Pride

233 replies

Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 01:42

I have name changed in case I'm being a precious arse.

Me, oldest friend and his BF were at Pride in London today and were having a jolly old time, drinking, making friends with like minded people and having a right old laugh.
As the day wore on and the 3 of us were getting a bit too oiled, my friend and his partner would compliment large breasted ladies on their clevege, such as 'nice tits or' nice pair', while I cringed and stepped away.
Most of the complimentees laughed and thanked them (thank fuck for drugs and /or alcohol) but one particular girl said in a - not very serious tone- 'I'm only 15'. Omg.

As I walked ahead dying of shame, I heard my friends say to the girl and all her friends, that they were gay and to calm down Shock.

I, in a very gentle way advised them that comments like that could potentially land them in trouble. Well I was told in about 18 different ways that I was being utterly rediculous, because 1. They are gay, so not a threat, 2. She wore a very low top, so should expect comments - yeah I know and 3.She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better????!!!.

Neither of them thought they did wrong and I tried to give them hypothetical examples of how none of those facts would matter if parents happened to have heard /seen it or if she was filming on her phone.

I begged them to drop it in the end as they took it very personally, refused to listen to me and we went round in circles. I said I would post here and show them the thread (if I'm right Grin).

For context my friend is late 40s like me.
So am I talking rubbish?

OP posts:
TheRedBarrows · 07/07/2019 06:53

And having had a young woman call them out on their sexist harassment, what’s with the mansplaining to YOU, a woman , about why you are wrong and they are right?

user1480880826 · 07/07/2019 06:55

I echo what everyone else had already said.

Also, of course they could get into trouble. They are sexually harassing women and it sounds like there would have been plenty of witnesses. It would have only taken one complaint. And I expect that complaint would have been taken even more seriously if it had come from the 15 year old girl.

sashh · 07/07/2019 06:55

What everyone else has said.

You watched your friends street harass a CHILD and they think it's OK because they are gay?

Do they remember in the not to distant past it was OK for a group of men to beat up a man because he was, or was perceived to be, gay? The beating would often start with some sort of verbal abuse.

SushiForAmateurs · 07/07/2019 07:01

So Havingarethink - are you going to show them this thread?

YouJustDoYou · 07/07/2019 07:04

Male fucking privilege, again.

stillathing · 07/07/2019 07:08

It sounds like your friends think that sexual assault and harassment is to do with sexual attraction, exempting them because they are gay.

It's not, its to do with power and male privilege. Women have no way of telling which males are abusive and which are not. Your friends' behavior showed zero respect for women and their boundaries and deep ignorance for the shit that women go through at the hands of men from childhood onwards.

I also sometimes smile and laugh when men make comments. It's a survival tactic, because not to do so can escalate the harassment & risks assault.

IAmNotAWitch · 07/07/2019 07:08

Being gay has no bearing on whether you are a prick or not.

My younger brother is gay, he is a nasty twerp and I don't have anything to do with him.

My nephew (of almost exactly the same age) is also gay and is one of the kindest, warmest people you will ever meet and a joy to be around.

The "gay" is irrelevant.

SushiForAmateurs · 07/07/2019 07:10

They were saying 'free speech' and all that tosh.

So was it free speech when my DB's friend was called a 'poufter' when walking down the street, minding his own business last week? The third such incident in a month, apparently. I mean, no right to feel aggrieved at some homophobe exercising his right to 'free speech', right?

They know full well they were being cunts. Full well. The whole point of it was to be provocative. And now they're all, 'what me??!' wide-eyed stupidity on being called on it.

I don't even know them, and I'm embarrassed for them.

OldBeans · 07/07/2019 07:11

I remember going to a house party when I was about 18 with a gay friend. Mostly gay men in attendance. One guy thought it was hilarious to keep grabbing my breasts and making lewd comments (‘Look at the size of them?!’ ‘I cant get over the size of your knockers ’ Etc).

I’m in my my 40s now and still remember how uncomfortable and horrible it felt. I probably laughed it off at the time, because I was shocked and embarrassed, but it wasn’t funny and it wasn’t OK.

pictish · 07/07/2019 07:12

Ew God...any middle-aged man openly commenting on a teenagers tits unbidden, is a cretin of the first order. It’s just so tasteless.
‘Pride’ is no excuse...a decent human does not view Pride as an opportunity to pass comment on random women’s tits for fuck’s sake. Your friend might be gay...he is also a caveman.
I’d have been embarrassed to be in their company too. Yanbu.

StealthPolarBear · 07/07/2019 07:13

As a pp said, any complaint a woman or girl made about a man at pride would just be dismissed imo. Men are important. Women aren't.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 07/07/2019 07:15

Why the hell do they think being gay and therefore 'no threat' makes it in any way acceptable? What total wankers they sound. How do they feel about homophobic abuse if the person is actually 'no threat'? Is that ok now? You were right to call them out on it. Utter pieces of shit.

delorisvancartier · 07/07/2019 07:17

I used to work with a guy who would constantly slap my arse but told me that it was ok as he was gay. Absolute entitled prick. He genuinely couldn't see anything wrong with his behaviour

StepAwayFromGoogle · 07/07/2019 07:21

Their sexual orientation is nothing to do with anything. It doesn't become non-intimidating because they are gay. Even if the girl knew they were gay.
Do the gay community generally tolerate women saying 'huge dick' at them if they are wearing tight shorts? Does that become acceptable if the women are straight? The mind boggles.

differentnameforthis · 07/07/2019 07:29

She wore a very low top, so should expect comments - "asking for it" the rapists/rape apologists mantra!! They must be so proud.

twofingerstoEverything · 07/07/2019 07:29

Tell them to read this excellent essay by Aminatta Forna. Maybe they'll get it then.

womenspeakout · 07/07/2019 07:31

God they're awful. Just because they are gay doesn't mean they get a free pass at harassment.

I was groped quite badly once by a gay man who thought like this, it didn't change the way I felt about it, exactly the same as when a straight man had done it.

Being gay doesn't mean an ownership over women's bodies. They sound vile, especially saying she deserved it as her top was low.

SimonJT · 07/07/2019 07:35

They sound like my cousins vile ex girlfriend who was a known crotch grabber who soon turned into an even greater prick when you pulled her up on it.

YessicaHaircut · 07/07/2019 07:36

You were totally right OP and your friends behaved appallingly. They clearly know that their behaviour is not acceptable because they have the excuse of “oh, it’s ok, I’m gay, no harm done” all ready to go if they get called out on it. I’d be seriously backing away from this friendship.

PooWillyBumBum · 07/07/2019 07:40

YANBU.

They were sexually harassing the poor girl. Their orientation is irrelevant.

Also, given the history of what LGBTQ+ people have been through and the nature of Pride you’d think they’d have a bit more sympathy for someone who just wants to go out and not be bothered Hmm

InionEile · 07/07/2019 07:44

Their sexuality is immaterial. They may know that they have no sexual interest in the women they're commenting on but how are the women supposed to know that? To women, it will still come across as a threat and harassment that could be followed through on by two men they don't know.

I'm not surprised you were embarrassed by them. I'd have told them to get some sense at their age and just have fun for the night instead of harassing and intimidating women. Men their age behaving that way in public are particularly pathetic. They should know better.

lolaflores · 07/07/2019 07:47

I am reminded of Gok Wan. Going on a out womens "bangers" the unspoken humour of it being that a gay man was allowed this over unfamiliar tone cos he was hay and therefore not a risk.
Thay sort of bawdy, we're all girls here, seaside postcard screeching hilarity because it was about womens breasts.
It annoyed me at the time but only now I can articulate.

RhiWrites · 07/07/2019 07:48

Drunk and disorderly is still an offence isn’t it? And so is sexual harassment.

Imagine that one of these women had spotted a police officer and said “excuse me, those two men are making sexual comments to all the women including a 15 year old girl”.
Police officer approaches and sees this behaviour, maybe officer is female and the oh so funny friends comment on her breasts?

Yes, I think they could be arrested for this. They’d be unlucky. But it happens. Their white privilege probably helps here too. I don’t think black men would get off so easily.

They’re also vile misogynistic knobheads. Being gay isn’t a magic shield against being a sexist, one just kind of hopes that LGBTQ+ people understand oppression. Guess not in this case.

SushiForAmateurs · 07/07/2019 07:49

And when a gay man says 'nice tits' you know he doesn't actually mean it. So it feels like they're taking the piss out of you.

Of course, the natural female response is to laugh along, because, you know, the bantz.

But there aren't enough eye rolls in the world for what they're actually thinking inside.

I hope your mates realise that.

haverhill · 07/07/2019 07:50

Male privilege, pure and simple. There’s no need to complicate it with discussions of orientation. Your ‘friends’ are revolting.

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