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Original poster

Had a blazing row with friend at Gay Pride

233 replies

Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 01:42

I have name changed in case I'm being a precious arse.

Me, oldest friend and his BF were at Pride in London today and were having a jolly old time, drinking, making friends with like minded people and having a right old laugh.
As the day wore on and the 3 of us were getting a bit too oiled, my friend and his partner would compliment large breasted ladies on their clevege, such as 'nice tits or' nice pair', while I cringed and stepped away.
Most of the complimentees laughed and thanked them (thank fuck for drugs and /or alcohol) but one particular girl said in a - not very serious tone- 'I'm only 15'. Omg.

As I walked ahead dying of shame, I heard my friends say to the girl and all her friends, that they were gay and to calm down Shock.

I, in a very gentle way advised them that comments like that could potentially land them in trouble. Well I was told in about 18 different ways that I was being utterly rediculous, because 1. They are gay, so not a threat, 2. She wore a very low top, so should expect comments - yeah I know and 3.She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better????!!!.

Neither of them thought they did wrong and I tried to give them hypothetical examples of how none of those facts would matter if parents happened to have heard /seen it or if she was filming on her phone.

I begged them to drop it in the end as they took it very personally, refused to listen to me and we went round in circles. I said I would post here and show them the thread (if I'm right Grin).

For context my friend is late 40s like me.
So am I talking rubbish?

OP posts:
Grapeyes · 07/07/2019 04:32

I agree wholeheartedly with everyone on this thread. Disgusting behaviour - the fact that they are using being gay as the reason for it being ok is enormously ironic in the context of where they were. Pride was originally a demonstration, a protest about the discrimination against the LGBT community. Now it’s more of a celebration of the community but the issues behind its origins remain. People like your friends aren’t celebrating or protesting, they are damaging their cause. Just because they didn’t to have sex with that child they think it’s ok to make comments about her breasts? I mean what are they thinking?! They are just nasty, entitled men. What they choose to do with their penises in their own time doesn’t excuse that or give them permission to act in this way.

Please DO show them this thread. I doubt it will have any impact because they are so utterly sure that harassing women is ok but maybe a little tiny germ of recognition might work its way in.

SuzieQQQ · 07/07/2019 04:32

You sound lovely. Your friends sound like idiots. Being gay doesn’t give them an excuse to make demeaning and unwanted comments to anyone. You’d think they’d know better.

mathanxiety · 07/07/2019 04:35

a guy commenting in passing to a random woman, won't really face consequences.

Correct.

This is not because they shouldn't face consequences.

It's because women have been socialised not to make a stink, not to cut men down to size, to play nice.

It's also because too few women do martial arts or carry Mace.

Men demean and humiliate women and girls because they are exercising male privilege, which works for them whether they are gay or straight. They do it to show women and each other that they can do it without consequences.

Which brings us to the question of the consequences you are going to impose on these men now that they have shown their true colours, Havingarethink.

You are going to drop them now, right? Cut them out of your life?

Pepperama · 07/07/2019 04:48

Had I been on the receiving end of those comments, it’d have killed my pleasure and joy even though I’d have managed a smoke and a thanks as that’s the learned response for many women . Comments on the looks of other people’s body parts aren’t on - whether 15 of 50. It’s just totally against the spirit of the pride to make others feel potentially quite uncomfortable.

So yes, show them the thread and tell them not to get so pissed they spoil it for others

Grapeyes · 07/07/2019 04:50

Mathanxiety you are so right. They are doing it because they know they can get away with it.

Surely if they are keen on sexually harassing someone it should be someone they want to have sex with but somehow I can’t see them going into their local pub on a Saturday night making unwanted sexual comments about straight men. This is because, undoubtedly, one of those men would make their feelings known by punching them in their smug faces. Women are an easy target because, let’s face it boys, until now, it’s been fine to harass and demean women and looking at statistics it’s even ok to rape them because you are highly likely to get away with it Hmm Angry.

Wow, I can’t believe how angry this has made me, in no small part because my 16yr old dd was at pride yesterday and I would hate to think she was having to deal with this shit there when she went to celebrate and support the LGBT community.

Original poster
Havingarethink · 07/07/2019 04:53

Thank you Suzie Smile.
Mathan and everybody else for that matter, I will definitely have a think on about the friendship thing as I think it may be more toxic than I originally thought.

OP posts:
AyBeeCee10 · 07/07/2019 05:03

Yanbu they actually sound vile. A 15yo is a child still and they harassed her in a sexual way - the truth does come out when you're drunk. At least you know their true colors. So being gay gives them a right to behave like this?
Nah I would be keeping my distance after knowing this about them.

Ilovemylabrador · 07/07/2019 05:04

It’s disgusting behaviour - I’ve been to pride before to support the LBGT community I don’t need my day ruined by someone assaulting me verbally or physically.

Imagine they were in a pub and a woman started pulling the penis of a teenage boy (15) whether or not he’s gay or straight and assaulting him - that ok? No

feesh · 07/07/2019 05:05

Having been harassed/bullied by a gay couple myself, I do get the feeling that the gay community are more misogynistic than men in general (or maybe they just don’t feel obliged to hide it so well?). It’s like they actually hate women sometimes. Vile behaviour. Have you noticed any other clues (with hindsight) now that you know their true feelings towards women, OP?

Ilovemylabrador · 07/07/2019 05:06

I’d bin your sexist friends who don’t be care about sexist assaulting behaviour or being predators yuck!

Sashkin · 07/07/2019 05:14

The ONE place you can expect support and equality from the other celebrants

That has seriously never been my experience of Rich White Gay Man Pride as a woman in a same sex relationship. It’s misogyny all the way. Either drunken catcalling, or “fuck off ugly lesbians”. The racial politics are also dodgy as fuck (apparently it’s fine to shout racial abuse and slurs about penis size at black men if you are gay as well).

No of course Not All Gay Men (or even many of them), but Pride is awful and always has been. Avoid avoid avoid.

OhioOhioOhio · 07/07/2019 05:14

Hopefully they make it okay when they sobre up.

And hopefully they put back their free pass for being so judgemental.

feathermucker · 07/07/2019 05:23

Their sexuality does not give them an excuse to behave as they have done.

Their excuses were shocking.

As people who have possibly faced discrimination and unwanted comments at some point in their lives, they should understand better than most how inappropriate their comments were.

I think their behaviour was disgusting.

TreesoftheField · 07/07/2019 05:33

Intheir head, it's probably 'banter' because they have no idea that women face this shit day in, day out and we have to smile nervously cos we don't know if the guy's going to get aggressive.
How sad that the 15 year old wasn't shocked. I wonder how many times she's already had to deal with this.

SushiForAmateurs · 07/07/2019 05:50

What, so because they didn't follow through and physically assault / rape anyone, that makes it OK...?

They sound like complete dicks. It's still verbal harassment.

I remember having a convo at work when #metoo had just started. A gay guy was saying how offended he was when walking home from a night out, and a woman in front of him has clocked him, and crossed the road to get away from him. He was all insulted and, 'as if, don't flatter yourself, I'm gay', etc, etc. (to us, when recounting it, not to the woman).

A few of us pointed out that she had no idea he was gay - rapists don't come with labels, and it was nothing personal at all - it's just what women do, alone at night time, to keep themselves safe.

It was a bit of a lightbulb moment for him - he took it on board, and changed his views.

Shame the same can't be said for your friends.

TwistyTop · 07/07/2019 06:00

FFS. Historically the gay community have had to fight hard to disassociate themselves from pedophiles, and there's your mates at gay pride sexually harassing a 15yr old girl. Great.

QueenBeee · 07/07/2019 06:00

Why would they do this except mysoginistically . They won't find the large breasts alluring or sexually attractive so I would say they are jealous that they are missing those appendages which men can find attractive so mock them instead.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2019 06:10

Your post has given me absolute rage. Your “friends” are misogynists. 🤮

How would these idiots react if women came up to them and laughed at them, demeaned the way they “mince” or that their arse looks unfuckable?

Perhaps that isn’t quite the right analogy. I’m not good at insulting others. I’m sure you have been insulted in the past and can find something more apt.

To clarify my take on their defence.

1 The are gay, so no threat

Men are afraid of being laughed at. Women are afraid men will kill them. They are men. Gay men also murder women. Gay men have raped women.

How are women to know the difference between “harmless” gay misogynists and rapists / murders?

2 She wore a very low top, so should expect comments

I thought the idea of pride is that you can wear what you choose without judgment. Isn’t that the very idea of pride? Obviously that doesn’t apply to your friends, who were at Rich White Gay Man Pride. All very animal farm.

3 She looked older than 15 and therefore should know better

This comment made me shudder. She is a child. They are middle aged men. They should know better.

Allhailthesun · 07/07/2019 06:22

Grim, inappropriate behaviour regardless of sexual orientation.

I wouldn’t know if it was illegal or not. I suspect that being at a festival about adult sexual preferences means the lines would be too blurred to make a serious complaint. Chances are it would be non PC to say anything against Pride or gay men at Pride. Misogyny is way down the list in the rankings of unacceptable behaviour.

GCAcademic · 07/07/2019 06:25

Basically your friends are saying that the can harass women with impunity because they are gay. That's male entitlement on steroids.

toomuchtooold · 07/07/2019 06:26

Saying that it's OK because they're gay is, as an excuse for harassing behaviour, right up there with Trump's denial of raping that lady on the basis that he didn't find her attractive.

Billben · 07/07/2019 06:29

I wish somebody WAS filming it to be honest.

SonEtLumiere · 07/07/2019 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lifeover · 07/07/2019 06:40

Being gay does not give them free rein to say what they like, it does not give them free rein to be sexist twats, it does not give them free rein to be making comments to underage girls that are sexual in nature. It does not give them free rein to be making comments that make women feel uneasy and objectified. It doesn’t give them free rein to women with no respect.

I’ve seen this too often gay men thinking they can be as abusive , thoughtless and nasty as they like so long as they stick oh I’m gay darling on the end. As a message to your friends, your sexuality doesn’t not give you the right to behave like a cunt, get a grip and start treating others with the respect you no doubt think you’re entitled to.

The treatment of lesbians in the pride movement suggests make privilege and misogyny is live and well in the male gay community.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/07/2019 06:42

Ironic harassing a child at an equality parade...

I have many gay pals..
None would behave in such an entitled /misogynistic way