Random child hit my baby

[bluehatbaby]

Name changed. Don't usually post this kind of thing. Really angry. I was waiting in the queue at shopping centre toilets. My 8 month old son was crying and I was (still am) super stressed out as was bursting for a wee and had hysterical child to contend with. Woman stood next to me with child I would say was about 5. She kept saying 'naughty baby naughty baby' - I ignored. Thought she was quite cute. She then turned and smacked my son on the top of his head, hard, at which point he screamed the fucking place down. The woman grabbed her daughter's arm and said nothing to her. I in all fairness went a bit nuts and told her to control her child. She snapped at me 'she's fucking autistic you stupid cow' and dragged her daughter by her hood out of the toilets.

I literally don't know how to feel about it. Pissed off. Ds has now cried himself to sleep and has a red mark on his head.

AIBU to ask mn for some words of wisdom as I'm not very calm and just want to cry.

gosh that's unbelievable!

That’s horrible and must have been really upsetting. It sounds like the other mum was struggling too and didn’t react well to you shouting I guess. Crap situation all round

Hope your little boy is ok now.

Christ, I think you should call your hv to tell them about the red mark on his head. Babies soft spots and all

He's absolutely fine. I wasn't angry at the child for hitting him (ok, momentarily I was but I'm not now). But she didn't even apologise. Her child hit my son and she didn't even say sorry.

Sorry- autistic or not- control your child! If said child can't cope with busy shopping areas etc., then don't take them!! YANBU to be angry- the mother's a twat.

You couldn’t have known her child was autistic. I guess she was stressed out too, otherwise she would have explained and apologised? I feel for both of you.

That's fucking disgraceful. I would have been mortified if I was her and apologised immediately. You are perfectly entitled to feel stressed and upset. Hope baby is okay (they are robust little things and I'm sure he got more of a fright than anything else). But if you are concerned then get him checked. No harm in that. What a horrible woman. X

Some people are cunts OP unfortunately you met one today. I don't care how stressed out you are you can manage a sorry if something horrible happens. Glad you're baby is OK, try not to dwell on your shit day.

Sounds like a tough situation all round, sorry you had a bad day.

I’m not sure how easy it is to manage a child with Autism, I know my friend struggles with her son when they’re out as he can react differently to his standard patterns when he’s stressed. She perhaps doesn’t react well when challenged about his behaviour but it takes her a lot of effort to leave the house.

I hope you’re able to just accept it was poor on her behalf not to apologise and glad your baby is okay

You’re not psychic, how were you supposed to know? Other woman had no need to be so rude, she should’ve apologised.

What does "went a bit nuts" entail?

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Awful, can't believe she didn't even say sorry. She should have apologised profusely and took the earful with good grace IMO, you were right to have a go at her.

Your poor little boy. Hope he is OK now

How are you supposed to know that another child is autistic? You wouldn't be concentrating on the other child's behaviour, you were busy with your little one and struggling not to wee yourself.

I’ve worked with hundreds of Autistic families. This woman is not typical of the families I’ve encountered who would be mortified and apologetic if this happened...which it wouldn’t because they would pre-empt this kind of behaviour and prevent a child being any danger.

It must have been sickening and upsetting for you - I’m sorry. Her attitude was disgusting in that she didn’t apologise. I’d say at that point reprimanding a 5 year old autistic child who’d just assaulted a baby wouldn’t have been wise at all, so just grabbing her arm and not saying anything, at this stage of her development, was not wrong. If she’d have “told her off”, the child would have likely had a meltdown and potentially caused more harm to others and herself. But the mother should have treated you better, apologised and certainly not swore at you.

I’m not making excuses, but if you can, please try and see this in the light of a mother who probably has only recently received a diagnosis for her child and who hasn’t yet developed the skills to manage her daughter’s challenging and even dangerous behaviour. It’s likely she hasn’t had much support and it’s feeling frustrated and out of her depth. I’m 100% positive that nothing like this will ever happen to you or your son again. The red mark sounds like it was quite a thump, do you think he needs checked over by a HCP?

I hope you manage to recover from the shock soon.

And that’s an excuse for hitting a baby? She should have apologised for her daughter

Chalk it up as one of those things. You were in the wrong to "go a bit nuts" and the other mum was in the wrong to call you a stupid cow.

Your baby will be fine.

You couldn't have known she was autistic, but being autistic doesn't mean she doesn't get told off for being naughty! She needs to understand it's wrong - so her mum was BVVVU.

That child's mother should've had warning from her child saying "Bad baby" and been on guard and pulled her away. Special needs doesn't give her free reign for assault on a vulnerable baby. My kid is special needs and would want to get away from a crying baby but if I though for one millisecond he would lash out I'd have taken him away ASAP and apologize and not ran off afterwards bitching at the poor baby's mother! How awful

I didn't shout. I thought she was going to apologise and when she didn't I told her she needed to control her child at which point she had a go at Me and stormed off

Oh your poor baby, I hope he’s ok now and for you, you must feel awful.

Similar happened to my sister - she was in the cubicle using the toilet and had left her dc in the pram outside the door but with the door ajar. A child of about 5/6 (whose mum was in a different cubicle) came up and said something like ‘fat chubby baby’ and pinched her so hard it left a bruise. My sister instinctively shouted out to the child to go away and it’s parent went ballistic and blamed my sister for leaving the baby outside rather than apologising. This is one of the reasons, speaking as someone with a disability, that I think parents with small children should feel comfortable using the accessible toilets.

You were in the wrong to "go a bit nuts"

To hell with that. Baby whacked by a random stranger's kid, random stranger then insults baby's mum for good measure! I pity the people who ever cross paths with these two.

The autism is irrelevant. Sure, some people who are on the spectrum can't handle loud or sudden noise, but if that's the case then the mother should have worked around this. She's doing her daughter no favours by glossing over something as serious as this. It could have done your child very significant damage.

Autism isn't an excuse to physically harm another person or for the parent to not even apologise. If the child cannot be controlled and does this she is a danger to the public. I do understand it's not the childs fault but neither is it your fault. Hope you and ds are ok.