Random child hit my baby

[bluehatbaby]

Name changed. Don't usually post this kind of thing. Really angry. I was waiting in the queue at shopping centre toilets. My 8 month old son was crying and I was (still am) super stressed out as was bursting for a wee and had hysterical child to contend with. Woman stood next to me with child I would say was about 5. She kept saying 'naughty baby naughty baby' - I ignored. Thought she was quite cute. She then turned and smacked my son on the top of his head, hard, at which point he screamed the fucking place down. The woman grabbed her daughter's arm and said nothing to her. I in all fairness went a bit nuts and told her to control her child. She snapped at me 'she's fucking autistic you stupid cow' and dragged her daughter by her hood out of the toilets.

I literally don't know how to feel about it. Pissed off. Ds has now cried himself to sleep and has a red mark on his head.

AIBU to ask mn for some words of wisdom as I'm not very calm and just want to cry.

@MyOpinionIsValid it's not prejudice. There's a difference between prejudice and being pissed off that a child, autistic or not, hit my ds so hard he has a red mark on his head! If someone who had any sort of disability punched me in the face I wouldn't just shrug my shoulders and say 'oh well'

Sounds a stressful snippy day for everybody your poor baby though is he ok

The thing is I bet the woman is out there with a completely different side to the story. A similar thing happened to me, I was at the fair and my dd was on a bouncy castle. I didn’t see it as I was waiting by the entrance to the bouncy castle but a woman came up to me and aggressively screamed in my face that my dd had knocked her daughter down, my dd isn’t aggressive in the slightest so I explained she had asd and it would have been an accident but man she was screaming her head off clearly spoiling for a fight so I didnt apologise. Had she approached me reasonably then I would have.

I didn't scream or shout at anyone. I even gave her a chance to apologise for the incident which she clearly saw. She literally did nothing and when I confronted her she shouted at me.

Difficult situation. I expect the constant crying set the child off. Mother couldn't remove her, if they were waiting for the toilet. It's upsetting that child hit your baby. It's upsetting that you went nuts at the mum about her autistic child

@SylviaAndSidney a 5 year old hit an 8 month old baby hard on the head.

Baby can't defend itself. 5 year old, autistic or not should NOT have hit a baby.

It's not the same as a 'punch in the face'. Kids DO hit, kick, push, bite each other. Some more than others. They are learning to be people. I don't know a child get to primary age without some injury caused by another child

@Hebdenbridge OP didn't go nuts at her autistic child. OP went nuts because her 8 month old baby was hit hard on the head.

@Hebdenbridge I actually went nuts at her lack of acknowledgment/apology/anything. If she turned around and instantly said 'I'm so sorry, my child is autistic and I can't apologise enough for what just happened' I would have been absolutely fine. I'm not a nasty person. She was just incredibly dismissive of the fact that her child hurt my child who is only 8 months old.

Yes, I obviously understand that soberken. OP should have said a loud "No, don't smack!" immediately as it happened. "Went a bit nuts" just exacerbated the situation, although OP is now claiming she didn't go a bit nuts

The thing is I bet the woman is out there with a completely different side to the story.

I don't think there's any way she can tell the story that'd make her behaviour acceptable or understandable. If your autistic child hits a baby you, at the very least, apologise profusely on her behalf and (if she's able to understand) tell her off. Anything else is unreasonable and the OP was not bring unreasonable to go a bit nuts given that her baby had just been hit and the other mother failed to respond.

I feel for all of you. Yes the other mother absolutely should have apologised (immediately, unprompted, profusely) and there’s no real excuse for her not to have done no matter how hard her day was or how she might still be just getting her head around her child’s autism. But it’s easy for me to sit here on the Internet and say that. I bet she’s feeling pretty shit now.

You must feel so shaken up - Im glad your baby is ok now, and I hope you feel better soon too.

I told her to control her child. And told her she should be ashamed of herself, for not even so much as a sorry. I am not a confrontational person and in my eyes having a go at someone and telling them to control her child is the equivalent going nuts! I suffer from social anxiety. Any confrontation for me is a big deal.

Give her a break.

Yes she should have apologised or been more on guard but I can imagine her life is pretty tough and exhausting.

Your child is ok. Give him a hug and be grateful that hopefully you won't be in that position one day.

I have 3 autistic children, 2 of whom are hyper sensitive to loud noises.
I'm also well aware of triggers and when their baseline behaviour escalates to incident level.

In the situation you describe I'd have taken my child elsewhere to avoid meltdown (or lashing out).

I'm meaning from the position of the other mother not that you should have taken your child elsewhere.

I think anyone with an ounce of parental instinct is going to get a tad aggro if someone belts their baby with sufficient force to leave a mark. Some people would get very aggressive, potentially physically, if their child is assaulted by another child in such a manner, so I hope very much the mother learns some tools to ensure her child does not do so again.

While the child may be autistic, that isn't going to effect the negative impact of her actions on a defenseless infant. And potentially it could have been worse!

Autism may explain why the little girl hit a baby but it doesn't mean the mother of the baby has to just suck it up. If I were the OP I would definitely have gone "a bit nuts" at no apology.

Of course she should have apologised. Some autistic children have very poor impulse control and are emotionally much younger than they seem. Her mother should have been more vigilant.

There are lots of very different autistics and some would never do something like this.

I only ever have to watch my kids like a hawk when there are other children around. Whether or not autistic, there's always parents feel their children are more important than yours. They are allow to jump in the queue, they are allow to hit/push/bite because their kids don't understand. Your kids having a melt down is easier than theirs.

My son has asd and can hit out but that’s no excuse and they are often warning signs before like this girl had. She should have removed her child as soon as she showed them

I'm a mum of a 5 yr old little girl with autism (it wasn't us I promise!)

I can see why she didn't tell her off at the time as it would have escalated the situation.

However, I would have moved my daughter the second she said naughty baby in case this happened. And I would have been mortified and apologised profusely.

Please don't blame the child for the mum's actions though. Some autistic children can't read other people and may have thought the baby was naughty.

Hope your baby is ok

I've had similar. Child of 4 or 5 hit my 1yo with a toy at soft play. I told the child to play nice (didn't even tell him off, just asked him to be more careful) and got an absolute earful from his mother. when I told her to control her child, she told me to fuck off, is autistic. I told her that was irrelevant and autistic or not, she still needed to help him learn that hitting others isn't ok. She went fucking mental, started shouting at me, etc.

I asked her if it would be acceptable for me to slam a fucking space hopper at her head, because I'm autistic and don't know any better. She just called me a bitch and stormed off.

(not my proudest moment )