Random child hit my baby

[bluehatbaby]

Name changed. Don't usually post this kind of thing. Really angry. I was waiting in the queue at shopping centre toilets. My 8 month old son was crying and I was (still am) super stressed out as was bursting for a wee and had hysterical child to contend with. Woman stood next to me with child I would say was about 5. She kept saying 'naughty baby naughty baby' - I ignored. Thought she was quite cute. She then turned and smacked my son on the top of his head, hard, at which point he screamed the fucking place down. The woman grabbed her daughter's arm and said nothing to her. I in all fairness went a bit nuts and told her to control her child. She snapped at me 'she's fucking autistic you stupid cow' and dragged her daughter by her hood out of the toilets.

I literally don't know how to feel about it. Pissed off. Ds has now cried himself to sleep and has a red mark on his head.

AIBU to ask mn for some words of wisdom as I'm not very calm and just want to cry.

I have a son with DS who is very baby magnetised, to the point of bolting across the road to a crying baby in a pushchair because he was worried they were hurt or sad. He is always incredibly gentle, if a little over enthusiastic. I would still never trust him because he is capable of lashing out and I’d hate that to happen to a baby. I watch him every second and consistently remind him to be gentle. I really don’t understand the mother or her reaction in not being aware of her daughter’s potential distress at the noise and managing the situation more successfully.

I understand how hard the life of a SEN parent is, but it’s not an excuse to allow situations in which other children get hurt to happen.

And the ignorance bingo card is suddenly full...

I've honestly never seen so much on one thread in all my years here.

Children do hit OP. A good lesson to watch young babies around other children who may react unpredictably even when supervised. While I suppose most people would apologise in that situation (I certainly would after making my child apologise first) it’s very weird when grown adults go up to other grown adults and start demanding apologies (I’ve seen a lot of this, it’s just childish).

A child in my 9yos class comes into school calling people the n word and the c word, but it's excused because he's autistic. He didn't come out of the womb swearing so he's heard it from somewhere

My 10yo DS learned to swear from the older kids at school and overhearing people in public, he has ears like a bat and picks up on these things. He then repeats these words almost like a chant (echolalia) or uses them in conversation without actually understanding their meaning and impact (was a great day when he told my mum her Sunday roast was "fucking lovely!"). He has had countless explanations that these words are not for children and that they offend people, he will get countless more explanations of the same, but they still slip out because autism is rubbish like that and then you get to be the parent whose child shouts "shit!" at the top of his voice when he falls over at the park (and he falls over A LOT).

No it's really not....
I see, on a daily basis, people saying how their child is autistic and on the spectrum because they are naughty. How their children have adhd because they are being a child ie playing in the park and god forbid.... Running around. If you'd bothered to read my full post you'd see that people who have autism obviously deal with things differently and strategies are in place. I'm not saying autistic children are naughty. I'm not saying that autistic children can help lashing out. What I'm saying is that there are so many parents who say their child is autistic to excuse their behaviour when they've Dr Google diagnosed

Wow. The other mother was a twat.

Where are you seeing it on a daily basis?

What I'm saying is that there are so many parents who say their child is autistic to excuse their behaviour when they've Dr Google diagnosed

No there are not "so many parents" who say their child is autistic to excuse shitty behaviour. Trust me, no one voluntarily signs on for the level of judgement and ignorance that you receive when you say your child is autistic.

Autistic or not she is wrong for not doing anything about it no excuse on the mother's behalf Id be fuming if anyone touched my child

Literally did not expect this to turn in to a dispute about terminology. Her child definitely appeared to have autism/be autistic. My sister is autistic and refers to herself as an autistic person.

The girls mother was a prize twat.

1. For putting her dd in a high stress situation

And

1. For failing to prevent her lashing out , despite the clear warnings
2. She should have apologised and
3. She shouldn't have shouted that you were a stupid cow because her child is autistic.

Being autistic is difficult, yes but you have to learn how to manage it. This mother was an idiot. Clearly not coping and doesn't appear to want to try and make things easier for her dd.

I'm glad your baby is okay.

Can i just say I think I would have gone a bit nuts if someone hit my baby especially if no apology etc was forthcoming from the person involved or in charge of the child who hit out. I have an autistic child and can honestly tell you this would never have happened if it had been me. As her mum I'm aware of her triggers and likely behaviours etc and keep a very close eye. This is not always possible and issues have occurred but if they ever have I have always apologised firstly then explained ( not excused) the behaviour and my focus would have been on ensuring your child was OK. It is hard and stressful parenting an autistic child and to everyone else it's invisible so they don't know nor do I expect them to. Regardless of how stressful it is you have a right to protect your child and to be angry or upset at what occurred. Hope baby is OK xxxx

And the ignorance bingo card is suddenly full...

I've honestly never seen so much on one thread in all my years here.

It’s upsetting but not surprising

Can i just say I think I would have gone a bit nuts if someone hit my baby especially if no apology etc was forthcoming from the person involved or in charge of the child who hit out. I have an autistic child and can honestly tell you this would never have happened if it had been me. As her mum I'm aware of her triggers and likely behaviours etc and keep a very close eye. This is not always possible and issues have occurred but if they ever have I have always apologised firstly then explained ( not excused) the behaviour and my focus would have been on ensuring your child was OK. It is hard and stressful parenting an autistic child and to everyone else it's invisible so they don't know nor do I expect them to. Regardless of how stressful it is you have a right to protect your child and to be angry or upset at what occurred. Hope baby is OK xxxx

This doesn't sound ignorant to me. . .

I’ll put money on the child not actually being autistic

She sounds like an ignorant gobby cow who just said that to try to back foot you

I was thinking exactly the same IncrediblySadToo

Ballsdeep

How would you know they aren't and not just waiting to be assessed?

I’m sure if someone hit the woman’s kid she’s have gone mental too.

I have two siblings with ASD. My mum is probably on the spectrum and my cousin is severely autistic.

I have come across many parents with kids who have autism who just say “well they can’t help it they have autism” so they never learn and they live less independently than they would had they been parented differently.

A child in my 9yos class comes into school calling people the n word and the c word, but it's excused because he's autistic
He didn't come out of the womb swearing so he's heard it from somewhere
Yes he's obviously picked it up from somewhere, and quite possibly home, but the point is that if he's autistic he probably doesn't (at 9) understand that it's not acceptable, because obviously he's following what he experiences.
Can I suggest, going back to the OP, that maybe the mother was also autistic (given the frequency of it running in families) and perhaps she was struggling to cope anyway and the incident on top of that took her by surprise, stressed her out further, and so she forgot the socially-acceptable response. It happens. I've done it when a really annoying person decided to walk up to my dog in the park when she was clearly off lead and when she was young and enthusiastic and then had a screaming fit (minor exaggeration but not much) because it transpired she was terrified of dogs. I forgot to say sorry because I was so busy trying to get DDog back on the lead and I may have suggested to the person that perhaps walking up to an off-lead dog when you're terrified of dogs possibly isn't that sensible. Yes I feel ashamed now (and still a bit irritated) but it happened. I forget the right response because my autistic brain is struggling to process everything at once. No autism is not an excuse for bad behaviour, yes she should have prevented it and apologised. But unfortunately she didn't. Nonetheless you have the advantage of knowing you're in the right so enjoy it because sod's law you'll be getting it wrong yourself at some point and hoping that the other person doesn't post on Mumsnet

If you have a child with autism you have to be 100% on the ball, perfect parent all the time - and that still won't be good enough for some people.

It appears that ignorance, entitlement and filthy manners are de rigour these days.
Hope you're feeling better soon OP.
You're absolutely right to react as you did.

Ok she should have apologised but I feel sorry for the little girl it must have been so overwhelming.

Well, I think you can pretty much guarantee that your standard of parenting of a child that whacks a baby around the head hard enough to leave a mark, is not going to be good enough for most people, if any.

I can equally guarantee that the mother of the little girl who hit the baby, would not have thought that the mother of the child that hit her little girl when she was a baby was doing a very good job, if the positions were reversed.

@InTheHeatofLisbon I agree, ideally the mum should have noticed the «naughty baby» comments and could have for ex positioned herself between her child and the baby. But realistically she might not have noticed, we don’t know how long it took and she might have been tending to another child, drinking a sip of water or answering a text. She might have heard and ignored, I’m not naive.

The other mother was an arse. My son has autism and although he wouldn’t hit a random baby it’s as stressful as fuck having “that child”, chances are the baby’s crying was really distressing to the child who if she had autism may have had sensory issues but the mother should have been trying distraction techniques and should most definitely have apologised. I’d probably have burst into tears whilst apologising profusely

JustTwoMoreSecs then she failed her own child as much as OPs. By screeching abuse at OP and dragging her already distressed overwhelmed child by the hood (wtf?) she handled the entire situation very badly.

None of which is the fault of her DD or OPs baby.