Random child hit my baby

[bluehatbaby]

Name changed. Don't usually post this kind of thing. Really angry. I was waiting in the queue at shopping centre toilets. My 8 month old son was crying and I was (still am) super stressed out as was bursting for a wee and had hysterical child to contend with. Woman stood next to me with child I would say was about 5. She kept saying 'naughty baby naughty baby' - I ignored. Thought she was quite cute. She then turned and smacked my son on the top of his head, hard, at which point he screamed the fucking place down. The woman grabbed her daughter's arm and said nothing to her. I in all fairness went a bit nuts and told her to control her child. She snapped at me 'she's fucking autistic you stupid cow' and dragged her daughter by her hood out of the toilets.

I literally don't know how to feel about it. Pissed off. Ds has now cried himself to sleep and has a red mark on his head.

AIBU to ask mn for some words of wisdom as I'm not very calm and just want to cry.

you think it’s alright to walk away from a crying baby that your child injured? Nope, never alright.

At no point did OP say that he motherxwalked away from the baby. She said the mother moved her child’s arm away and said nothing to the child. Plenty of posters have explained why telling off an autistic child is often not an option. The OP then went nuts. From the original post it doesn’t sound like there was much time between the mother reacting by moving her child’s arm and the OP starting to shout, likely not enough time for the mother to apologise if she was dealing with her daughter. Then when the OP started going ‘nuts’ at her, escalating the situation with her daughter, it’s hardly surprising her reaction was to snap and shout back rather than apologise.

If the OP hadn’t started shouting and going nuts at the mother there’s nothing to say that she wouldn’t have apologised as soon as her DD was calm enough to do so.

If your child is doing something unsafe the first thing you do is make sure they can't do anymore of the unsafe behaviour. With my own child it would be getting them away from that situation. I hope I would remember to say sorry but I wouldn't be hanging around to make long explanations.

You're an idiot, sorry, but I can word it in no other way !:(

Nowhere in OP's post does she say the autistic childs mother was abusive to the baby, and we cannot know if she was uncaring or not as YOU are NOT bloody psychic love !!!!!

@spam390 wow thanks for your input. Very intelligent.

Comprehension fail though love.

The mother WAS abusive, she SHOUTED at the baby's mother, walking AWAY from an injured and upset baby IS uncaring. Why can't you accept that?? Wait, she cared so much she walked away. Yes of course!! That's how to show care.

And no, I'm not 'bloody psychic' and neither are you. What you are though is very ignorant and presumptuous, my son has ADHD and I've had to endure A LOT of criticism both direct and direct around him and his behaviour so don't start spouting rubbish to me.

That mother was wrong, end of. People who are trying to sympathise with her must have a skewed sense of decency.

She wasn't abusive to the baby.

I see it as the mother of the baby retaliating against the mother of the autistic child showing no care or concern for her hurt baby. Even if she was shouting, (her child had just been punched, why is high emotion only saved for mothers of autistic children), the child punched deserves a sorry or at least acknowledgement. The punching began this disagreement, not the mother of the child punched. A quick sorry would have ended it. To then call her stupid is insult to injury.

Type slowly, give me all the condescension you like, but if your child hurts a baby, you show some concern for the poor punched baby and say sorry. End.

It’s hardly limiting to think the way I do. I have fewer arguments in supermarket queues with strangers for example.

Manners open doors. This needn’t have gone the way it did.

So by this mother's reckoning the autism gives the child free rein to lash out whenever she wants. What on earth does she expect your reaction to be. Nasty ignorant woman. Wonder if she'd be happy for another autistic child to bash hers.

Exactly. An apology isn’t offered on how well someone reacts to being hit. You didn’t take being punched in the face very well so I’m going to shout at you and walk away instead

@CallMeRachel

Obviously you did not read slowly enough :(

OK, I'll try one more time to enlighten you love :)

YOU wrote,

' There's no excuse for a human being, let alone another mother to be so abusive and uncaring towards a baby.

And I wrote,

'Nowhere in OP's post does she say the autistic childs mother was abusive to the baby, and we cannot know if she was uncaring or not as YOU are NOT bloody psychic love !!!!!

You wrote,

'The amount of twat sympathisers on this thread is frankly disgusting.'

And I wrote,

'You have zero idea of what less fortunate parents have to go through, or the hourly never mind daily struggles they face.'

Because you don't, period. Also shows the kind of language you use to describe people who actually have sympathy for EVERYONE in the situation the OP described, and I don't imagine it would make your own mother proud :( and it certainly makes me wonder what type of parent it makes you if you are so angry with people with empathy :( )

You wrote;

'Your child having an Autism diagnosis should not trump humanity.'

As @Underhisi had already pointed out 'Nice use of 'your' there. As in it could never happen to me.'
Which nicely pointed out your inability to identify with or have any empathy with any parent who faces differing challenges to yours. :(

I simply wrote ;

'You're an idiot, sorry, but I can word it in no other way ! :(

And I'm afraid you've given me no cause to alter this statement, rather the reverse I'm afraid, as I see no redeeming features to your statements at all. At best your comments are ignorant, and at worst discriminatory. :(

I have a just diagnosed middle DC and reading this thread has been fucking jaw dropping

I do avoid noisy, crowded places where I can, and where I can’t, DC wears ear defenders, but sometimes, It’s Not Enough.

DC hasn’t ever (so far) attacked a random child but will attack me, older DC and younger DC, and I can’t always predict this or move fast enough to prevent it as they can very quickly go from struggling to full blown attacking.

Yes, I’d be mortified if DC hurt a baby, and yes I’d like to think I’d apologise, however in the midst of a meltdown or pre-meltdown it becomes very overwhelming for the parent too. Often I’ve had to remove middle DC, ensure they’re safe and able to calm down, then go back to other DCs a few minutes or even 30 mins later and apologise to them; obviously couldn’t do that in public.

@ Sissy79

No-one was punched I'm afraid. :(

The dividing issue that has risen from the OP's post is the differing viewpoints the parents may have had, and the possible reasons for that.

The inability of some people to be able to sympathise or empathise with any viewpoint except their own is very sad. :(

All the posters who have stated that they can sympathise or empathise with BOTH parents have not shown any disrespect or animosity towards the OP, but apparently some posters, who can only empathise with the OP, are incapable of recognising the fact that the other mother may well have had good reason for reacting the way she did.
Their failure is to be unable to recognise that there may well have been factors in play that they are unaware of.

I, and many other posters, empathise with both parents. The incident was horrible for all involved. To fail to recognise these facts and to insist on apportioning blame when it's impossible to have the other persons viewpoint of what happened is frankly astounding.

Do you really think the other mother happily skipped away without a second thought ?

This blind insistence on ' the mum didn't say sorry, therefore she must be blamed for everything' is horrible.

How do we know she didn't say sorry while OP was 'going nuts' ? I doubt OP would've heard her if she did. Just because the OP didn't hear it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.She stated that she was really stressed as DC was crying and she was desperate for the toilet, so it makes sense that any further stress would be likely to push her 'over the top'.

Neither mother was calm after the event,( and we know the OP was already very stressed )and neither probably thinking clearly at all, and yet you are determined to play the blame game when neither child or either mother could predict the incident or control their emotions after the event !

You need to have a wider perspective and a little empathy, not everyone will fit neatly into the box you have in your mind for them.

No one was punched.
Some people are so keen to exaggerate when autism is involved. It tells me a lot about them.

Ok make it about me saying punched instead of hit , but the fact remains if she had the time to say stupid cow, she almost certainly had the time to say sorry, possibly even go so far as “I hope your baby is ok.”

As I've stated previously, we cannot know if she said 'sorry' or not, as the OP clearly said she 'went a bit nuts'.

Unless you were an actual witness or know the other mum personally, then you cannot say
'the fact remains if she had the time to say stupid cow, she almost certainly had the time to say sorry, possibly even go so far as “I hope your baby is ok.”
as we do NOT have all the facts !!!!! We have ONE viewpoint on an incident which was horrible.

The problem is you're not understanding that there are more than one point of view (i.e two mothers), and as we have only heard from one, who openly states that she was already stressed, and that she 'went a bit nuts', i.e not thinking logically or calmly (totally understandably). We have not, however heard from the other mum, so we DO NOT KNOW if she apologised (and OP didn't hear), or if she knew her child was about to escalate behaviour ( due to 1st mum shouting and 'going a bit nuts') and safest action was to immediately remove ( as other posters have described), or if she was either in shock that it occurred and hadn't had time to form a coherent thought before being verbally attacked (which she instinctively retaliated to).

WE don't KNOW anything about the situation !!!!