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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
SagAloojah · 09/07/2019 10:58

OP, if you do agree, then I would charge him. This could be a nice little earner for you, with strict boundaries.

RockinHippy · 09/07/2019 10:59

Yes you're right Dungeon PL insurance is needed when you have people visiting your house for business. I do need that, though not often.

Unfortunately I also think that the lodgers family will constitute business visitors, as she makes money from him & they are his visitors, at least an insurance company can twist & use it it, so to avoid a payout. I also think they could twist & use the Lodger working from home in a similar way. It's what insurers do. Story I read this morning on Faceache was a house burnt down & insurers refusing pay out due to having a lodger, the lodger had absolutely nothing to do with the fire, but still they use it. Hopefully the OP has covered her ass on that. Though I personally know several people who take in lodgers & students & haven't done that as they didn't see the need. It's something that was discussed amongst a group of us when we were considering language students as I thought it would be needed, but they insisted not. Story says otherwise 😕

SagAloojah · 09/07/2019 10:59

Sounds like @MLMsuperfan ha said no to a lot of CF MLMers Grin

LIZS · 09/07/2019 11:00

Agree with mlmsuperfan. "No, that does not work for me. My decision will not change. You will have to make other arrangements."

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/07/2019 11:18

His colleague lives over the road with his wife. Wife is home alone all day

I thought you said you've never seen her - that in fact you didn't know he'd got a wife?

Isn't that a bit unusual, if they only live over the road?

mummmy2017 · 09/07/2019 11:24

Text him....
I know you asked me to reconsider letting your family stay in your room but having looked into the legality of it, I am sorry but I have to say no to the idea...
Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

JollyHolly30 · 09/07/2019 11:29

.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 09/07/2019 11:30

I wrote this on page 1

After your update I’d honestly suggest finding a new lodger.

It doesn’t sound like a good fit

9 pages on I stand by this - just rip the plaster off and get back on to spareroom.com

His “solution” is utterly laughable.

FredaFrogspawn · 09/07/2019 11:33

Just as an afterthought- have you considered a Monday to Friday lodger? Depending on where you are - contact workers from other parts of UK or France/Ireland often don’t need full time. We found that very successful because:
A. They aren’t there at weekends and you have your house back including spare room for your guests.
B. They don’t bring much stuff - a suitcase or two only
C. They tend to work hard and just use the house for sleeping
D. If you want to be kind (we are kind) you can offer them the whole house on a weekend when you’re going away anyway so they can have their family to stay with them rather than going home
for a change.
E. They don’t tend to try fancy cooking or leave a ton of condiments blocking up your fridge. It’s more ready meal and takeaway survival, leaving fridge clear on a Friday
F. The rental for a Monday to Friday is not much less than a that for a whole 7 day week (in London anyway)

There are a couple of specialist websites for Mon-Friday lets and spare room.com has min-fri as a filter for seeking and offering accommodation .

whatswrongwithmyarm · 09/07/2019 11:46

There is no way they will stick to sleeping at night and leaving straight away. And kids aren't known for being quiet. Especially not for 18 days.

There will be late night food, watching tv, kids up and down to loo, kids arguing, parents trying to manage kids, washing, etc.

No fucking way would I agree. It's just his way of pushing your boundary so that he can then push it further. Guaranteed anyway they will turn up, something will come up with the colleague, being at their house will no longer be an option and they'll be 'stuck' with no accomodation other than your house.

DarlingNikita · 09/07/2019 11:56

Stop telling him you'll think about things and just say no.

Dungeondragon15 · 09/07/2019 11:58

If his colleague over the road is so accommodating his family can stay with them. Chances are that he hasn't negotiated them staying there all day at all and even if he has, it won't happen beyond the first day. Once they are here there is nothing you will be able to do to get them out of the house and they could stay for even longer than two weeks. You need to put your foot down now and tell him he needs to live somewhere else if he wants his whole family to join him.

lmusic87 · 09/07/2019 12:06

As if the colleague across the road wants the wife and kids for days on end!

SagAloojah · 09/07/2019 12:42

I thought you said you've never seen her - that in fact you didn't know he'd got a wife?

@Puzzledandpissedoff obviously the lodger has given OP this extra info. No reason why op would know this.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 09/07/2019 12:46

@fredafrogspawn I've done Mon- Fri before and that's my ideal set up. But I advertised for MONTHS and got nothing. As I said earlier in the thread there are, for whatever reason, a glut of rooms in my area. I reached a point where I really needed the money (I've had a big unplanned for expense that I want to pay for asap)

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 09/07/2019 12:54

@puzzledandpissedoff there must be 100s people living within a 100 yards of me. Why would I have seen the wife and even if I had, how would I know it was his colleague's wife?! Confused

OP posts:
Wrybread · 09/07/2019 12:57

How about texting him again saying:

I've considered what you said. My answer is still no, and will remain so.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 09/07/2019 12:58

Anyway, you've all given me a lot to think about, so thanks. I have a better idea of my boundaries now and how to communicate them, and have a plan to move forward. WineFlowers

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 09/07/2019 12:59

Do you have language schools, or big businesses with overseas connections near you ?

I've friends who rent out their spare rooms to both & they prefer it as they rarely stick around at the weekend & generally don't push the boundaries. Sometimes requires breakfast etc too, but that doesn't have to more than a bowl, mini cereal boxes & a jug of milk to self serve & a plate of food to stick in the microwave. Money is better too

SayWhatSayNot · 09/07/2019 13:00

Has he still not listened to you?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/07/2019 13:02

OP, I guess it was your reference to "just over the road" that I perhaps read the wrong way. Obviously nobody would expect you to know of everyone in the area, but I thought it just possible you might know who lived close by - especially if this guy living with you has a lot to do with them

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 09/07/2019 13:07

@rockinhippy I have a lot of huuuge multinational businesses close by. Enormous companies. (Including the one my lodger works for)
Which is why I don't understand why I've found it so hard to attract someone Monday to Friday. My flat is honestly really nice and the bedroom is large and attractive. I'm going to do a bit of work to look at whether I can contact HR/relocation teams and ask whether they are looking for beds for their staff. There are also a tonne of hotels so maybe they use them... Who knows.

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 09/07/2019 13:11

Another, here the businesses definitely have in-house agents of sorts dealing with finding accommodation for travelling business people, so contacting the companies directly would be a good idea. I know one friend who lives very close to a big multinational company actually gets paid a retainer to keep her room free for last minute arrivals. She's always found them really easy guests too, as they tend to sight see on weekends, so she never sees them

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 09/07/2019 13:19

I've just emailed one!! Thanks Rockin. Said I'd be happy to let to an individual or do a retainer like you suggest.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/07/2019 13:21

I also agree about approaching any accommodation-finding staff; IME they simply want to get the job done and will go with whatever's easiest, which is often just calling local hotels where they may even have a deal

If you can get in with these folk, you could become one of the go-to options too ...