to not want my lodger's family to stay?

[Anotherbloodyname123]

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

I would see how he reacts to the suggestion that the rent is increased to 4x to cover each person. See if he can afford an Air Bnb then....

You shouldn't have told him you'd think about it! It should have been a straight up NO! Saying you'll think about it, means that you might allow it. Why would you even consider this?

Colleague's wife may not want them all there during the day. She might not even exist. He's just trying to get them to stay at yours, by stealth, and he's not listening to you.

I was surprised that he said it was fine, and agreed to arrange for them to stay elsewhere. It seemed too easy, and I was right. He had no intention of them staying somewhere else.

I really think you should give notice. It won't surprise me, if they still come, and rock up at your place, insisting they have to stay with you, as they can't get anywhere else. And then you'll feel obligated to let them stay, because you couldn't kick them out onto the street with 2 children in tow.

Try the 'i said no, and if you ask again will give you 7 days notice to leave" approach OP

^
This. Be firm, OP. Your contract with him is very clear about visitors. No matter how nicely he's saying it, he's not listening to you. He should have arranged their accommodation before booking flights. They are not your responsibility and you shouldn't have to be arguing with a lodger when you've said no.

He is full of shit! FFS. He's not a good lodger, he's ripping the utter piss out of you. You told him NO, he doesn't give a toss. I'd give him notice. AND at the same time tell him NO, they don't get to come in, at all. It's not your problem that he cannot afford to put them up. It's not a houseshare, it's a room as a lodger.

I DEFINITELY think you should increase his rent x4 for the period that anyone else stays. That way you can ensure that they leave.

Codswallop. No one could be this much of a jellyfish.

*with him signing a contract stating that he both understands and agrees to what he is signing.
*Would probably include beginning and end dates as agreed by lodger and then double the rent again in case of over-staying.... but I am not a trusting soul.

Do you want them there or not OP? If not say No. Do you even trust that they will leave when they are supposed to?

Funny how so many men won't accept that no means no.

"he just keeps batting it back" And anyone doing this is the last person you should be giving the benefit of the doubt. He's just wearing you down. He's an arse pretending to be nice.

You’ve given him the benefit of the doubt. He’s pretended to respect your opinion, and said he’ll look for alternative arrangements. He’s doing the bare minimum and paying lip service to respecting your boundaries.

He’s clearly taking the piss. He’s obviously not going to be sending his family next door all day. He is subtly and underhandedly making plans to get exactly what he always wanted.

I would give him notice. I’m sure it’s awful having to look for a new lodger, but I guarantee his family will come and stay, exactly as he always planned. You’ll be kind, and think you’re being firm and clear, and you’ll suddenly be 5 in a 2 bed flat and wonder how the hell it happened. He’s obviously doing it slowly but surely, and will get his own way unless you tell him he needs to find another place to live

Anotherbloodyname123 do you have a family member or friend who will stand by you and back you up when you set your boundaries with this lodger. It seems that your boundaries are being disrespected and he's side stepping around them. I get why he wants his family and how important this is for him. I also understand where you're coming from. Considering the contracted agreement, he shouldn't had lodged with you if he intended on having his family stay with him. He made a bad decision and has to accept the consequences. He needs to make other arrangements for his family. He wasn't upfront with you from the start that he would have his family stay with him. Again, his bad decision. Don't feel guilty. You were upfront with the terms. It's awful being railroaded into something you're uncomfortable with. Get someone to be there and back you up if you can. Good luck

I don’t know

I feel that some posters and their hectoring tone are almost as bad as the so called lodger ! Op my friend has a lodger and the same issues , except they are same gender and did get on . Lodger also had a Partner and family to stay . Friend also got annoyed but eventually allowed it .

The assumptions here that lodger is certain race , that his family will never leave etc are so racist and unpleasant

Funny how so many men won't accept that no means no.

Except the OP keeps saying she'll think about it.

No one is hectoring. I'm frustrated that the guy is pressuring the OP to so something she very reasonably does not want and just wont stop.

It not unreasonable that the OP does not want his family to stay, the property is completely unsuitable. Not to mention that what the lodger proposes sounds miserable for them. What kind of life is it for a wife and 2 kids to be stuck inside one room for 2 weeks or traipse to a neighbour everyday? He can't accept No for an answer. Its a small step to saying, Oh just one more week. Then the OP has to feel bad about the poor family. If he wants trusting he is going the wrong way about it.

OP

Op I assume from your post that you have decided to say no.

If you wanted to be help you could suggest he looks at an ibis or similar. Perhaps contact a local bnb or hot and see if he can get a deal. Maybe ask at work to see if anyone can accommodate his family for a less charge.

Even at night the children and wife will need to use the bathroom which would be disruptive to you. Doors banging etc. Also there will be normal chatter and you cant guarantee what time they will be coming and going.

At the end of the day it's not his property so he has no right for his family to stay for several weeks and he should have thought of that before asking them to stay

He announces something that is prohibited by their contract. She feels pressured, "he keeps saying it will be fine" so the OP must have expressed doubts, then she thinks about it (how to say No), then says No, then he asks again. She has very clearly said No already. And the contract said No. That's at least two very clear Nos but will he let it go? nope :(

my last comment was to Enclume

Didn’t you say earlier in the thread he is hoping his family will move over here?

Obviously his finances are not your concern.

My take, however, is that he probably can afford holiday accommodation but doesn’t want to divert those funds. Odds on he’s sending money home to pay for his wife and kids so I think money will be far more tight than a single bloke. And he is making choices, which have an impact.

He’s had the advantage of paying a small amount to lodge as opposed to getting a flat or flat share as you say some of his other colleagues have done.

Now he needs to pay out for the privilege of having a place for him and his family for 2 weeks. He can’t have it both ways.

I think as he’s not saying no you should consider giving him 2 weeks notice to quit. Or however long the contract states.

He's taking the piss. Do you really think they'll be out all day? I seriously doubt it. I suspect they will when you wfh if anything.

He hasnt listened to you at all. If he had he would be chalking this up to experience and moving on.

What will you to if you cave and they aren't gone all day? Throw out a mum with her kids? Of course you wont and he knows it. If you are soft with him, I cant see you being any stronger faced by small upset kids.

You said you'd think about it?!! JUST SAY NO.

I reckon all the "awwww it's family, you're so mean, let them stay" people should post their location.

Then Op can pick the closes and augments these three uninvited people round for 18 nights.

I knew this would happen when op posted that she's told him if he couldn't find Airbnb to let her know.

My mum has been there op. Even with u he new plan TV get will want to use to use water and electricity while there. What about evenings? Or days they just want to get away from the "friend's wife"? What if they fall out?

If she is so lonely and live across the road, then they can open up their home over night too...

Or what if the wife suddenly doesn't exist!

He'll want to do it again too - once he's realised that he's pushed you into this time, next time he'll do it again and their might not be the wife about so home being invaded.

My mum has it were people would ask if their girlfriend or family could stay with the promise they won't impose but the next time they did. Or didn't even ask.

A few times they would just have their girlfriend or family just suddenly be there all the time without notice or basically living there!

Tell him no. It sounds harsh but it does put a lot of pressure on you in the mornings and evenings. It ups the electricity and the water usage. He'll also need to feed them.

platter they have a contractual relationship. If OP is not capable of politely insisting on the terms of that contract, she ought not enter into this type of arrangement, esp as it leaves her vulnerable to being exploited in her own home.

When you are not decisive in such situations, you create doubt/hope/uncertainty and it doesn't make you a nice person- the opposite in fact. OP is buggering her lodger about and bleating to the internet about it.

That's not fair. She said no and he's been pushing it.

It might not be fair but when I encounter mithering pushovers I have the impulse to shake them.

Well, yes.