To seriously consider leaving “D”P because his hygiene is atrocious?

[Zeldamarioandkong]

Just that really.
He hasn’t showered for 8 days. 8. No depression, just a lazy shit of a man. Has to be reminded daily to brush his teeth, if I don’t tell him, it doesn’t get done. He works in an office so I highly doubt it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Sick to bloody death of living with a man child. We have 1 DC and have been together 10+ years, luckily we aren’t married. I can’t live the rest of my life with a disgusting hobbit who doesn’t respect me or himself enough to wash daily.
I’m a very clean person, like to keep a tidy home and look/smell nice. This disgusting behaviour really does trigger me and makes me feel physically sick. And no, I’m not having sex with him. Couldn’t think of anything worse at the moment, with this heat I dread to think of the state his ‘area’ is in
Pissed off and fed up. What should I do? Should I try and make it work and hope he changes, or cut my losses and make arrangements to leave him.

But I can pretty much guarantee that he’ll have a shower tonight and magically expect sex to be on the cards! So fed up

Have you tried discussing it with him? If so, what does he say?

We’ve been having this argument for a long tome. I’ll even try and compromise and say that even showering every other day would be a massive improvement. The last time we spoke about this I said if he didn’t change then I’d be leaving him as I find it insulting to me and it’s gross. He agreed, said “point taken”, and carried on his slobbish ways.

Has he always been this way or is it a recent problem? Just wondering why you’ve stayed with him for a decade and had a child together if he’s always been this way.

If he has always been like this then he will probably he baffled that you are upset by it 10 years later. But I couldn’t live with someone so unhygienic and who must smell very unpleasant.

Well on the face of it obviously YANBU and it would be the death knell to many relationships. However, how long has it been going on? In an office environment he will end up losing his job if it continues, surely? Was he neglected as a child?

I take it you’ve had serious words an given him a list of bare minimum requirements? Daily shower, clean clothes, basic oral hygiene etc. If he simplwont or can’t change then, yes, you should call it a day.

He’s been like this for the last 1.5/2 years. Nothing significant has changed. When I ask him to sort it out and make and effort his reply is “I don’t have to make an effort, I’ve already got you. I don’t have to impress you anymore”.

Has he always been like this?

How have you lasted over 10 years with him?

You're right, I can't imagine his colleagues haven't noticed.

Stupid question but does he smell bad? My DP doesn't really sweat and never smells bad. I can end up drenched in sweat straight after a shower and have to use a specific deodorant as soon as I get out of the shower.

But funnily enough when he went on a stag night out with friends he washed the day of the stag, and the day after. He hasn’t had a shower 2 days in row for over a year and a half. So he can make the effort for his friends but clearly not me.

Ah feck. Disgusting. Call it a day. Not going to get better

I am one of those weird people who shower every 2 days. but 8 days without is abit much. you've been together 10 years. is this recent or has he always been like this.

Oh Jesus yanbu

He doesn’t smell awful, but his hair will smell greasy. And when we actually do DTD he doesn’t smell clean at all, even though he’s showered before hand. It feels like his hygiene is so sparse that when he does decide to wash it’s just scraping the surface

He sounds awful. You're not his possession that he 'got' and you shouldn't have to suffer. Get him out and be free of the eternal stench!

how disrespectful towards you - he doesn't have to make an effort because he's 'got' you? despite the fact it makes you feel ill?

it sounds like depression in a way, no one who is happy and healthy is going to want to neglect their hygiene like that.

brushing teeth - 2 mins
floss/dental sticks - 2 mins
shower - 2-5 mins.

it doesn't take long at all.
he must feel disgusting.

He hasn’t showered for 8 days.

It’s embarrassing for me. I’m my head I think that his work colleagues will notice he’s vile, and then think “well what must his partner be like if she lives with that?”

Yuk. Dump the troll.

I genuinely think he doesn’t see an issue with it. His regular tome between showers is 4 days. When I complain about that he’ll say that he doesn’t stink, and he really believes he doesn’t.

Was he brought up in a minging family? Sometimes the habits or non-habits) learned during childhood are very difficult to break. I couldn't put up with that either, OP. Have you worked out the practicalities? Do you have somewhere to go or are you going to make him leave?

I had this issue with my ex his excuse was that he felt fine and didn’t smell I couldn’t bare being near him and sex was out of the question, there is no excuse for poor hygiene these days so I feel your pain and hope you get it sorted asap

If he's not showered for 8 days then a 2 minute shower isn't really sufficient.

His feet must reek in this hot weather. I can't even put my DHs socks in the laundry basket after a really long day at work. They smell so bad I put them straight in the machine.

I’d also be ending the relationship. I think it’s fact he will make the effort for his friends but not you that would kill it for me. He thinks it’s acceptable to stink to high heavens around you because you’re not going to leave so why even bother. Just go, it’ll teach him a lesson if nothing else.

Well he's pretty much told you where you stand in his life...

You've given him an ultimatum and he's chosen not to change

As he said, why should he, he's got you, and he's proven that, as you've not made good on your ultimatum. He won't change now.

And YANBU, it's gross!