To seriously consider leaving “D”P because his hygiene is atrocious?

[Zeldamarioandkong]

Just that really.
He hasn’t showered for 8 days. 8. No depression, just a lazy shit of a man. Has to be reminded daily to brush his teeth, if I don’t tell him, it doesn’t get done. He works in an office so I highly doubt it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Sick to bloody death of living with a man child. We have 1 DC and have been together 10+ years, luckily we aren’t married. I can’t live the rest of my life with a disgusting hobbit who doesn’t respect me or himself enough to wash daily.
I’m a very clean person, like to keep a tidy home and look/smell nice. This disgusting behaviour really does trigger me and makes me feel physically sick. And no, I’m not having sex with him. Couldn’t think of anything worse at the moment, with this heat I dread to think of the state his ‘area’ is in
Pissed off and fed up. What should I do? Should I try and make it work and hope he changes, or cut my losses and make arrangements to leave him.

Can you kick him out? If you can, do so.

Else, go and visit your family, for a few months if you're unwilling to actually end it right now.

Late 20’s?? Flaming Ada start running and don’t look back.

you cant really live like that. Even if you started being intimate again, i think youve gone off him now, and it would be hard to get that attraction back, always constantly thinking whether he might stink.

I could kick him out but I wouldn’t be able to work. I work during the night so there’s no one else to have DC. My DM has younger children herself so she wouldn’t be able to have DC overnight 4 nights a week. If I worked in the day then this would be a complete no brainer for me. But it feels like I’m stuck in this situation until I get a normal day job.

It's been 10 years. I doubt that he's going change... That being said, I do wonder if he realises that you are serious about leaving if that would be the kick up the arse he needs to sort his hygiene out? The only way to find out is to end it...

I had an ex like this, and I look back and gag/cringe at him. We didn't last long, because I realised he wouldn't change. So I don't think YABU to end things. He sounds gross, lazy and irresponsible.

Oh, that is sad. I don't even think I'd give him an ultimatum at this point because I wouldn't trust that any changes he made as a result of that were permanent. I'd just calmly make my plans to separate and let him know when necessary. I wonder if it's possible to live separately and have a relationship that way so that he could be slovenly at home but make an effort when he comes to see you and his child?

Late 20s. OMFG.

OK so you can't chuck him out now, but get you need to start planning. Look for a new job, start withdrawing from him completely. If you own the house together get legal advice, do something!

This thread reminds me of my stinking brother. He was laziness incarnate, aided and abetted by my mother. He stank, had green and brown fur on his teeth (I kid you not) and his hair was actually light brown but looked dark brown with the dirt.
You're aiding and abetting your 'D' H by staying/allowing him to stay, OP, as others have already pointed out.

In my experience, even when a smelly person is told that they smell it doesn’t make any difference to their hygiene. They just don’t care enough.

I couldn't live with a man like this. Makes me feel ill just thinking about it. His greasy hair and unwashed skin must make your bedsheets reek.

One of your posts OP where you lost what you do for him, including applying for a job for him, made you sound like his mother.

You are his replacement mother.

You have one big man child there... a greasy, smelly manchild.

I know childcare would be hard but perhaps you can wrangle it? Any family that could help at all? Or look for a higher paid job first before you leave?

I had an ex like this. He said it was because growing up his mum only made him and his siblings bath on a Sunday so he just thought it was normal. It was so gross. He would just leave that horrible arsey smell all over the furniture and his teeth were gross. I'd be so embarrassed when he was talking to people as it must have been obvious he hadn't brushed them in forever.

Needless to say he is an ex now.

Stupid question, but if he is kicked out, would you happen to have the space for an au pair? At least then someone would be in the house for the kids for the night shift.

Perhaps you could co-parent. He could have the dc’s overnight while you work? Do you think he would be reasonable?

You need to make a break - for your DC to see him behaving like this is dreadful; and what about when DC has friends over to play? Get him out of your life. If the shock of losing you jolts him into making a change and you giving him another chance, so be it. I think you're past the point of threats, time for action.

Even if he showered twice a day “I don’t have to make an effort, I’ve already got you. I don’t have to impress you anymore” would have him out the door.

Get planning for a future without him - and talk to your employer. If you're a good worker they may be prepared to change your shifts rather than loose you.

So, are you going to start job hunting Zelda?

My dh went through a ‘too tired to shower’ phase a while back. He was doing long hours at work when dc1 was born and would come back late, after being on his feet all day. He started coming home, eating and going straight to sleep. It was too much for me. After the 3/4 time I couldn’t bear the smell anymore. I had to tell him straight to either shower before bed or sleep on the sofa. Luckily, he got the hint.

I couldn’t put up with it long term. It’s not asking too much from a partner to be clean and sanitary. Dental hygiene is also very important for me.

It’s a bad example to set to your dc.

He's" already got you and doesn't have to impress you any more"? My reply would be, "Not for much longer if you continue."

I'd feel like packing his bag and slinging it on the step. It must be horrible for you.

second looking for an au pair, or a sleep in nanny (if they are OFSTED registered then you can claim a whack back from tax credits)

look at a new job.

I wonder if he is punishing you for making him go to work? how long has he had this job?

It's obvious that this relationship is dead.
So, get a daytime job and plan your separation. Maybe this'll wake him up to change his ways (it won't) in which case no harm done.

But best case scenario is that you'll have a job that's easier to work with childcare and you'll be free of a minging deadbeat.

I would start to look at changing my job and rejigging things so that I could leave. Honestly he sounds revolting.

Omg I was with a bloke like this, it got to 3 years in and I left him, best thing I ever did! He never cleaned his teeth or properly washed, it was fucking every time I argued with him he said I'd hurt his feelings, I tried being gentle with him but it just got to me in the end and I left him....

He hasn't changed,I would be out of the door. Revolting.

Why are you dealing with his dirty clothes?

Because she's doing the washing,why else do you think ?