To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

[ginorwine]

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

I’m sorry OP I misread your post as him being on a uni summer holiday. If he’s moving in then I do think it’s entirely different as he’s choosing to live off you rather than go rent / be independent.

My friend’s Mum charged £300 a month with £100 being to cover the extra cost savings of having him there & £200 in an account that just increased each month incentivising him to spread his wings!

£400 a month is a lot though - most bills will barely be touched at all except for food. Certainly things like council tax won’t change, only really food & even if he increased bills by £20/30 a month that would mean you’re charging him £12 a day for food.... so if that’s ‘fair’ you’re expecting to spend nearly a grand a month on your total food bill ???

I’m not saying ‘profiting’ is wrong by the way. But the figure your other half is proposing is absolutely subsidising you, not the other way round.

I had my adult brother living with my for a year when unemployed because my mum wouldn’t have him. He was very fussy with food & here all day not working when I was out. He increased my costs by about £100 a month...not a week!

Ok, so this is the OP (sorry, I've only read to page 2), who doesn't want to have her son home as he'd save more living in the city and now she's charging 100 quid for bed and board.
You ain't no mother.

Can you not just split the bills of whatever he's costing! FFS. 100 quid a week for a son to live at home........

A paid £230 a month board.

I'm 23 and bought our house with DP just over a year ago. Mortgage each is £228. Paying board helped me learn not to overspend, and when I owe money that's what is paid as soon as my wages hit my account.

I am amazed at the number of people who let their kids get away with such small amounts. I was earning £100 a week in the 80’s and paid £25. I can’t believe some kids in full time employment pay nothing or as little as that. I would say £75 a week would be reasonable.

I think £400 a month is too much. I was charged £100 a month when I lived at home, I worked full time and got roughly the same amount. Made way for me to pay my phone bill, pay for my driving lessons and save up to buy and insurance my first car amongst other things which also taught me responsibility. I think if you live at home then you shouldn’t be charged the same as renting a small house/flat.

Give him a chance to start some savings and when he does go travelling he will be comfortable and will lessen the probability of him asking you and your dp to help out if he ever got into any financial difficulties whilst away.

Maybe ask him to buy his own stuff for his lunches for work and the money he pays board covers breakfast foods and evening meals. And for the showering if you think he’s taking the nick having 25 min long showers maybe charge him an extra £10-£15 fortnightly for gas/electric

Charge him exactly what he’d pay if he were renting. Unless you live in London it somewhere equally expensive £100 a week for rent food and bills I’d pretty good. He needs to grow up. I’d take what you need from it and save up the rest to be returned when he needs it. You are not a hotel nor are you obliged to house your working child indefinitely.

You will be doing him a massive favour to charge rent and board that is a significant proportion of his salary. If you feel it's "too much" in some way then put the excess in a savings account. When he gets a lace if his own you can gift the contents of the savings account back to him.

I've seen lots of young people fail to manage their finances or live successfully as independent adults due to having been allowed to freeload off over-generous parents.

Whatever he has left over after rent, board, commuting costs and anything else of basic necessity, and whatever he wants save toward term time living costs, should only be enough for a modest basic social life - no more than £15 pw maximum "disposable" income (even that is a bit on the generous side) Having a lot of disposable income can be disastrous for a young man and whilst he's legally an adult he will still be relatively immature.

I think you’re living in the 1950s @HigaDequasaiLuoff. Parents don’t dictate the finances of a 21/22 year old graduate.

I wouldn’t charge more than it costs to have him there so a share of food, heating/lighting really. 50-60 sounds reasonable.

I think about £50 a week is ok. Do you know what your son thinks about this amount yet.and does he know about the £100 your husband has stated? Maybe if he sees how much you have to spend on food etc,he maybe will up the amount he gives to you later.

From what I can gather, the actual amount he will cost is 50pw. So tell dh you don't fancy making a profit of your son and charge him 50pw.

You can't compare living in childhood room with parents to private renting. Even if you could, I currently pay 325pm rent. That's lodging in a family home (clearly I put my disposable income above having my own place...). Yes I do have to buy food, but if I was being frugal and living off pasta pesto I could easily live off 400pm all in. That's including bills. And living outside the family home.

The question isn't what son earns or how much disposable he has or how he earns more than parents. It is, or should be, how much he costs and charging him that. Comments such as save for him etc are patronising.

Higa who died and made you God? Why do you think you can dictate how much disposable income young adults 'should' have. I tell you now, when you discount food and bills, I have double if not triple that figure leftover each week. Unless you're on UC or have ridiculous bills it's not unusual. I then spend that on counselling, gym, Netflix, now TV, a good phone contract, nights out, nice food, a daily costs coffee etc.

Nothing wrong with that. It's my money, which I work hard for. If someone wants to bring a flask of coffee and pay a mortgage that's their business. I prefer to pay low rent and having less space and more Money.

Also I'd love to know what disastrous consequences you have in mind. Personally I'd think being short on cash or feeling deprived to be more risky. You know, temptation. It's surprising how many people I work with who commit crime to have a nice lifestyle

Well said maid

I agree with PP’s and charge 100 but save some of that for him for his travels or for him to have some money when he returns.

What @Ravingstarfish said. Charge him £100, but put £50 of that into an account to save for him.
£200 a week is enough to live on, presumably you will provide food etc op?

People are doing the maths wrong.

Op - what is 1/3 of current energy and water bills - that’s the cost per person so a good estimate of what his presence will add
What will he cost in food and other shopping

That is a reasonable starting point as that is the actual amount your costs will increase.

Personally I don’t see the harm in also charging for set costs like council tax, internet, and rent - even an arbitrary amount as it is real life. Say £25pw for that plus calculated energy and food.

Easier to take more now and give excess back then ask for more later.

Btw how do you pay £100 a week on food but £300 a week on mortgage!

In the early 90s my parents charged me £650 pcm out of £800 pcm wages. I didn't stay long!

I think he will cover his costs at £50pw, ask him to buy his own snack food.

Higa
I disagree with you ref your comment about it being disasterous for a young person to have lots of disposable income

He has already stated that he is going to work to save up to go travelling
Possibility to save for a year, travel for a year

I worked multiple jobs in my 20s to save up a deposit to buy property. I didn't live with my parents. Of course young people can save !

@slithytove those are monthly costs

Then my question to OP is how on earth is food £100 a month for 3 people?

My mother used to charge me rent and told me she was actually saving it for me ... never saw a penny of it.

Anyhow .... I think £400 a month is fair.

@slithytove it's mumsnet, she should be ashamed that it's not 10pm and that she can't make a whole chicken last a week and a half

I suppose its doable if you shop cheaply, no wine, no treats, don't include toiletries etc. But 🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️

I'm sorry if this seems blade but I really don't think you can charge your children to live/ stay with you, maybe suggest a contribution for food, I have younger children and would hope that by me supporting their living costs that they would save for property, travelling, etc?

Sounds reasonable. He'd have to pay a damn site more if he lived in a house share or rented somewhere

I charge DS £250 pcm which includes whatever we eat in an evening
He buys his own lunches, toiletries and luxury items that I don’t eat eg ice creams - expensive soft drinks
DS earns well and has far more disposable income than I do - however he is saving for house deposit
We are both happy with current agreement - when he got a pay rise recently he offered me more money which I declined - if he’s still here next time I might accept!