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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

304 replies

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 14:52

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 05/07/2019 17:07

Because 400 is nearly half the bills!

swingofthings · 05/07/2019 17:07

@WhereYouLeftIt, so it's ok to make a profit of their son, so they can say ' thank you son, with the money you are giving us extra, well get to enjoy a night out to eat every Saturday. Sorry, you'll be short of funds for your travelling, but thank you for the lovely meals'.

I really cannot comprehend any parent feeling ok profiting from their kids. If you need more money for whatever reason, go and earn it yourself.

Mrskeats · 05/07/2019 17:09

Me neither swing but I see it all the time,

herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 17:09

thats not how council tax is worked out its based on the value of youre house not on how much you use the council.

But what is council tax actually for? Services he will use. Therefore there is no particular reason he shouldn’t pay for it.

Look, I am all for subsidising your children if you can afford it. The OP can’t.

HidingFromDD · 05/07/2019 17:10

I live on my own and when dd2 moved back bill's did go up approx £50 per week. That includes additional council tax and we don't live frugally food wise, but she eats a lot and it's all fresh stuff so that has gone up a lot. I was surprised how much the utilities went up tbh, 25 minute showers every time she washes her hair, and washing machine, and dishwasher now running twice as often. I charge £200 per month and I'm definitely not making a profit. She's starting a grad scheme in September so it's going up to £300 per month. But that £100 for saving for when she decides to rent her own place. I'm lucky in that I don't need the money, but we're 2 adults living in the house and she needs to pay her way. She really appreciated that she's got a good deal though (especially when she checked out rental places!!)

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 05/07/2019 17:11

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss et al- they simply cannot afford to have him live there without him contributing - didn't you read that?

I would sit down and discuss with him. Your bills might increase 20% food will be 30% more, perhaps. You'd be paying the same for Council Tax and TV. Work out how much it costs and be frank with him about what you can manage. I imagine £70ish is about right, he buys his own booze/fizzy drinks/snacks and puts his share in if you ever get takeaway.

I cannot think of anything more horrendously patronising than charging an adult rent and then saving it to give back to them. Don't do that.

SkintAsASkintThing · 05/07/2019 17:12

If you're both on minimum wage you need to be practical. £100 a week is more than fair, in the real world.that wouldn't even cover his rent. Your son will still have a huge, disposable income to spend. And.plenty to save too if he's sensible.

RoseMartha · 05/07/2019 17:13

I think perhaps £75 a week. Being on a tight budget myself I can see where you are coming from.

When I had my first full time job I had to give my mum 50% of my take home as she was not well off. And I was only on a low wage myself.

Having him at home will increase certain bills such as groceries, water, electricity etc.

Will he expects lifts to places or is buses etc nearby or has he his own transport?

Because if you are ferrying him about on top then perhaps you should go with the £100.

MadisonAvenue · 05/07/2019 17:15

We had our son come home after graduating a year ago. He's taken a year to work full time and do a bit of traveling before going into his chosen career in September.

He pays £50 per month and isn't particularly impressed with having to pay thanks to having a girlfriend, in the same situation, who pays nothing. For that though he's getting all bills paid, food provided and meals cooked, the use of the toiletries in the bathrooms, all of his washing and ironing done, the use of Netflix, Prime and Now, the occasional taxi service if he's going out and wants a drink, his girlfriend stays every week or two and therefore we're treating her as a guest AND he gets a free haircut every three weeks.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 05/07/2019 17:16

£75.00 pw sounds fair to me and a chat about water usage.

SkintAsASkintThing · 05/07/2019 17:17

I also think it's a.good habit to.get kids into .....in fact a young girl my OH works with has just bought her first home outright. She's been working and contributing since she was 14, she's early 20s now and did this by living home but paying rent and sticking to an extremely strict budget of £50 a week for herself but would try to get under that. She wanted the security she never had growing up. And now has a home that can't ever be taken away.

Sheltering our DC from the real world and the fact that everything is restricted by finances in some way does them absolutely no favours at all.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/07/2019 17:19

Presumably then you have saved £100 per month since he moved out if he eats that much food and uses so much water.

Grandmi · 05/07/2019 17:20

It obviously depends on personal circumstances but I think £100 per week is steep. He has only just finished Uni and has probably been skint for years !! He would struggle to save any money for traveling! My son has finished Uni and is living at home but definitely doesn’t cost me £100 per week!! I am charging him £120 per month and he helps with the dogs,cooking and is great company as well !

herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 17:22

I am charging him £120 per month and he helps with the dogs,cooking and is great company as well

That’s kind of you, but your kindness is based on the fact that you can afford it, isn’t it?

TheJoxter · 05/07/2019 17:24

When living with my mum in my late teens/early 20s I paid £100/week plus paid for most of my own food etc. Always seemed reasonable to me!

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 17:27

To be honest I feel
Uncomfortable taking money from
My own son
However , my gut tells me that , even if we could afford it ,it is wise for him
To contribute .

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 05/07/2019 17:29

How on earth would he struggle to save any money for travelling out of £220 per week? I bet OP would love that amount of frivolous income.

titchy · 05/07/2019 17:32

Surely if he's been at uni he's used to paying rent and budgeting accordingly? If you need the money say so honestly. Don't dress it up as a lesson he needs to learn - that's an excuse.

behappy123 · 05/07/2019 17:32

I think £50 a week is fair and it will give him a chance to save more for his travels. Your bills will be much the same so really it's only to cover food, I wouldn't be comparing it to what he'd spend renting a place.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 05/07/2019 17:32

I don't get the angst over asking a fully grown adult who has a full time job and is planning a big holiday to cover the costs of his keep in a low income household.

Whatintheworldisthat · 05/07/2019 17:33

I would be very annoyed at paying 400 quid for the privilege of living with my mum and dad...

I'd probably prefer to pay that for independence in my own house share.

400 is basically a rent per month! Whys he paying most of your bills Hmm

Comefromaway · 05/07/2019 17:34

Good luck finding a house share for £100 per week to include all food & bills.

BanditoShipman · 05/07/2019 17:35

This post is bizarre, he’s just coming back for the summer, I can’t believe anyone would charge their children for returning to their family home. No way will your bills increase by £100 a week!

If you have to charge him then £30-50 a week might be ok for food but the rest of your bills will be the same as before

Theyroamoverhere · 05/07/2019 17:35

Is DH his dad?
I think YABU to make a profit on him: charge what it costs to keep him no more.

herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 17:36

I'd probably prefer to pay that for independence in my own house share.

I’m sure he could take that option. I’m sure he won’t.