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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

304 replies

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 14:52

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

OP posts:
Whatintheworldisthat · 05/07/2019 18:06

By all means charge for the slight increase in bills e.g. Water or electric. Presumably hes out the house 9 to 5, so the jump won't be that high. But don't factor in the fact he will be getting a room out of it... Its still his home. You're definitely making profit by taking 100 a week and I would end up resenting you.

It's not about entering adulthood as quick as possible. So what your DH had to do it, your DS isn't your DH.

I would never charge rent for living at home but I would ask for a contribution to food.

I used to rent a room in London 2 years ago for 85 a week so it is doable.

I am honestly taken aback at 100...

TescosFinest · 05/07/2019 18:10

I would split it into £50 bills and £50 food. Each of those is an absolute bargain, but together, yes they do make £100. He may agree to £50 bills only, but then make sure he buys his own food. It will not be any less for him. Adults eat a lot, with biscuits and drinks added in, it will be more than £50 in all likelihood.

mycatisblack · 05/07/2019 18:12

Charge him £100 a week and at the end of the summer, work out what it's costs you in extra food, electricity etc. Tot up what he's paid in total and if he's paid too much, give it him back the excess as a lump sum for his travels.

maddiemookins16mum · 05/07/2019 18:13

The going rate is a 1/3 of take home and that includes pretty much everything. A flippin good deal to be honest. I don’t have £200 a week spends.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 18:16

Whatinthe world is that
Yes I was taken aback when dh suggested that .

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 05/07/2019 18:21

FriarTuck We do not pay rent
We pay the mortgage
I didn't mean 'you' as in you personally OP, I meant it as 'one' or 'people generally'. As in people pay more to rent somewhere because they get the freedom away from their parents and can pick a location suitable for work, entertainment, transport etc. They're prepared to pay for that. Not like your DS paying to be stuck miles from anywhere. And it's only for the summer. Long-term yes you'd be right to charge him, but for the summer.... Still, at least you won't be bothered with him coming back to live with you once he's finished travelling....

Alsohuman · 05/07/2019 18:27

So where’s he going to go @FriarTuck? When he returns from his travels without a pot to piss in.

MN is a weird place where you’re supposed to infantilise your adult children leaving them totally unprepared for the realities of life, even if you’re living on minimum wage.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 18:35

FriarTuck Yes he will . He was going to rent in his uni town but decided to come here of his own free will instead . He is not stuck here . He told us he wanted to come to save money . He has a job in his uni town but his priority was to come home to save faster tontravel . When he gets back he will be with us ,

Also , we live in a beautiful area - he said after uni it would be god for him so keep your incorrect judgement to yourself .

OP posts:
Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 18:36

Good not god !

OP posts:
Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 18:37

Alsohuman Thankyou !

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 05/07/2019 18:37

But can anyone explain why it’s fair for a family of four with nearly £1000 expenditure, to charge one person £400 to live there? Shouldn’t it be split four ways and he pay £250 - if not it means he is subsidising at least one family member.

TheWernethWife · 05/07/2019 18:38

In the 80s I used to take a third off my kids, they had a roof over their heads, food on the table, tv and video, phone. They thanked me for it as it taught them to value the cost of running a home.

shiningstar2 · 05/07/2019 18:44

Personally I would go with £50. As a previous poster said apart from his food you would have all the other bills to pay any way. He's done well, he's completed a degree course and got a job straight away. If you are spending roughly £50 a week for his food then for 3 of you that is £150 per week. Over a 4 week month the family food bill for all 3 of you would £600 a month. I don't consider that frugal so arguably this might even leave a little over towards utilities.

I think £100 a week is a lot for a young man to live rurally, walking to work and having to get taxis to socialize. I would at most go to £60 and possibly offer to save the rest for him if u r worried he'll waste most of this, though this doesn't seem likely if he has a goal in his mind like travel.

Kashali · 05/07/2019 18:45

we were brought up with a third for board, a third to save, and a third to spend.

Alsohuman · 05/07/2019 18:57

You’re welcome @ginorwine. There are some people here who don’t understand real life themselves, let alone teach their kids.

Mrskeats · 05/07/2019 19:22

If that's aimed at me human I understand very well. I two kids and two stepkids. 2 at uni and one graduated and working now. One in 6th form.
I also work with young people. The point of AIBU is to ask for people's opinions. I disagree with £100 as it represents 40% of the op's bills which is ridiculous. I can do simple maths.

Sp1nningAr0und58 · 05/07/2019 19:45

£50 per week is reasonable & it is a good life lesson to contribute, especially if it includes food. He should pay for his own mobile phone

Do you know how long it's going to take him to save up to travel ?
Travel is a luxury
What are his long term job goals ?

Alsohuman · 05/07/2019 19:47

It’s not aimed at anyone @Mrskeats but if the cap fits ...

Mrskeats · 05/07/2019 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alsohuman · 05/07/2019 20:28

What?! Bloody hell!

NoSauce · 05/07/2019 20:30

£100 is too much imo. He wants to go travelling so will need money for that, I’d say £60 if you’re really skint.

AverageMummy · 05/07/2019 20:32

I know a few people who’ve taken more rent than they otherwise would & have put it in a savings account for them for the future. Not so much a summer holiday thing though - more when it’s a 22 year old living at home long term.

I think charging children in full time education rent is quite harsh really. If financially you need to though that’s understandable. I can’t imagine he costs £100 though - council tax is free for him so he’d just be subsidising the bill you already pay.

RingtheBells · 05/07/2019 20:37

Who is in full time education OP’s DS has finished university so it is irrelevant to the thread

user1480880826 · 05/07/2019 20:38

What’s his long term plan if he’s just finished uni? Is the job he’s found just a temporary thing? Does he plan to get a proper job and move out?

£100/week sounds like a lot. There’s no point comparing it with private rental costs because he’s not renting privately, he’s living with his parents. If you ever want him to move out he will need to be able to save for a deposit so the more you charge, potentially, the longer he has to live with you.

swishswashswoosh · 05/07/2019 20:42

When I was living with my parents post uni, they charged what at the time felt like a real rip off (ahem, very entitled of me in hindsight). Until I looked into alternatives. To be fair to them they were incredibly easy to live with and we lived in a lovely house in a lovely location.

When I then went travelling they told me that they had wanted me to save money (which I had still just about managed from the remains of my earnings) but they said they wanted me to have a really good time and not the bare minimum so they had also 'saved' 50% of what I had given them which they gave back to me the week I went travelling. It was an amazing life lesson in budgeting before going travelling which then meant I actually used my increased pot of money even more wisely. It was honestly one of the best trips I've ever done and it would have been half that had it not been for my parents teaching me a lesson without me knowing.

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