To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

Because it can be exhausting, inconvenient, messy, restrictive, and painful

I agree, it can be all those things except inconvenient. I find it a bit weird that your baby feeding is an inconvenience to you Lockhart or being pregnant for that matter

restrictive babies come with responsibility and certain amounts of lifestyle adjustments.

It all just sounds like a nuisance to you, yes, it is a change, and can be painful, hardworking, etc, but don't do it if it's all so inconvenient and disruptive annoyance to your life.

@InsertFunnyUsername Generally women either breastfed, or employed a wet nurse. It wasn't until the 19th century that feeding cow or goats milk started to become more popular and replaced wet nurses. But it was the advent of formula that had a big impact on breastfeeding rates. Companies used to be able to advertise that it was better for babies, and many did.

Wanted to but never made more than a dribble of milk.
Hospital put me on electric pump for several minutes on each side - result less than a teaspoon full

I really dislike the argument about it not letting dads parent or bond, though. Pretty sure dads of breastfed babies parent and bond just as well as formula fed ones. My DP does plenty with our DD and can settle her fine, despite having no boobs (well, he has moobs). I think this is just an excuse to make people feel better about something they don't really have to feel bad about in the first place, but it's almost like it's used as a way to justify to other people and turn it into a positive somehow or make it so it's actually better for the child.

@TruthOnTrial That is such a horrible comment. Do you really find it so surprising that some women are not martyrs and want to make their life a bit easier?

I’ve passed your sympathies to my formula fed toddler Ruck, she’s immensely grateful to have someone who cares since her mother is so lazy and selfish she didn’t do something that, according to you, is less work than formula feeding. She says it almost makes up for being hospitalised three times for jaundice and weight loss after she couldn’t feed (but now you’ve explained that doesn’t happen, we’ve revised history and those painful memories are completely erased).

It’s not quite an answer to the question, OP, because I did try with the first, as all my family and friends breastfed, everyone in my area breastfeeds and I was the social pariah for giving up early on.

But with a future child I’d go straight to bottle feeding because:

• I won’t risk delayed discharge from hospital/readmission for weight loss, jaundice, low blood sugar - all of which are increasingly common.

• I would already have a child to take care of and don’t want the tie of cluster feeding etc taking me away from being able to care for the older one as well as the newer one.

• I would be returning to work and not want the worries which so many of my breastfeeding friends have had around babies who won’t accept bottles or drink from a cup.

• I don’t think I could deal with the stress of weaning a stubborn toddler.

• I feel all “touched out” at the end of the day already, never mind bringing my boobs into it too.

• I’ve looked at the actual research behind breastfeeding, for mum and baby, and the benefits aren’t enough to make it worth it for me. For another woman that assessment may produce a totally different result.

• Formula feeding isn’t as difficult as it’s made out to be; it’s basically a bit of extra washing up.

• Being able to share feeding duties with my husband was good for our relationship, some (of course not all) breastfeeding friends found it made things uneven from the beginning and the balance of work never really recovered.

• I can bond better feeding my baby with a bottle, as they are snuggled in my arms calmly and we’re having skin to skin time with eye contact than I can trying to make my tit into a burger shape and shove it in the mouth of a screaming, red faced infant while tears stream down my face.

Hth

Because they don't want too?

Bit weird to say you can't understand it, have you bf yourself OP? No?

Because it can be exhausting, inconvenient, messy, restrictive, and painful.

Many people want to do it. That's wonderful. You can't say there are no possible downsides though.

Personally I can't understand all the threads on here where women are bf and sobbing over their cracked nipples, screaming baby and haven't slept for weeks cluster feeding 24/7. To me, that's weird. That sounds like it would suck, whereaspost partum I had uninjured nipples and slept great. But it's their choice. People are all different.

2 friends of mine didn’t, one thought it was disgusting and the other knew she would never be able to do it in public so didn’t try.

I support women’s choice to do what they like with their bodies.

Because I was put on Warfarin three days after the birth of both of my DC (due to a blood clot with DD1 at 35 weeks which nearly killed us). I didn’t want my DC ingesting what was essentially rat poison.

I was once at baby group and someone asked another woman if she breastfed. Woman said no and then felt they had to explain because there were some raised eyebrows. The woman admitted she didn't breastfeed because she had small breasts and deeply inverted nipples. She was mortified but felt she had to explain because there are nosy, judgemental idiots in this world who seem to think how other people raise their kids is up for discussion

Because the thought of it made my skin crawl. I don't like people touching me and if I was permanently attached to a baby, much as I love him, I wouldn't be able to cope.

Well yes I agree @Beanbag7, there is no way to possibly know. Which is why, although I agree there are benefits to breastfeeding, they are so marginal as to be almost negligible on both an individual and a population level.

@AlmostAlwyn breastfeeding can be very messy if you have a strong let down or leak a lot. It can be exhausting and inconvenient if you get a cluster feeder. Breastfeeding has the potential to be really quite an unpleasant experience, depending on you and your baby, and it's all down to luck of the draw.

Formula feeding is also a messy faff, but it's a faff that can be palmed off to another person.

I find it weird that anyone finds it weird that someone would find pregnancy inconvenient! I was nauseous, always tired, had SPD, dizziness with low blood pressure... those things were all a pain in the arse! Literally, in the case of the SPD.

It all just sounds like a nuisance to you, yes, it is a change, and can be painful, hardworking, etc, but don't do it if it's all so inconvenient and disruptive annoyance to your life.

So why wouldn't you want to make it as easy as possible, unless you are trying to win top matyr award.

How many mums kill themselves breastfeeding, then are on here 2 years later posting about how their toddler only eats ham, chips, chocolate and white bread. What a waste!

Bought an electric pump and mixed whatever I could in with the formula though .

AguerosAngel. Interested, in the same vein as OP to know what set you so dead against it? To the point of giving those supporting you short shrift?

Please don't give me short shrift for just asking, I just am interested, but obvs feel free to ignore if you are not comfortable with answering, that's cool too.

You can breastfeed while taking Warfarin. I hope you didn't get bad advice The Breastfeeding Network has loads of information and fact sheets. Doctors can sometimes be a bit out of date or not experts in breastfeeding and medication, but that website is really great.

80% of women initiated bf in a study from 2010.

The real question is why so many don't continue, but it's probably more fun to say that women who don't are stupid and selfish than get to grips with why the attrition rate is so high.

My milk never came in properly. I desperately tried to feed my twins, but when you have two hungry children screaming desperate for food, you’re exhausted from not having slept properly for months and only 2 hours sleep in best part of 48 hours, can’t bend your legs due to the swelling from pre eclampsia and are physically barely able to move as you’ve just had an earlier than planned elcs and one of your children was born not breathing it’s all just a little bit too traumatic so you give the babies formula milk at the advice of the midwives!

I persevered with trying though, then expressed and mixed fed, but it caused so much harm to my mental health that I gave up after 6 weeks because I was exhausted and and had suicidal thoughts at how pathetic I was and how I’m not a real woman or a real mother, and that they deserved better than this piece of shit loser who can’t even feed them, nor give birth naturally, and needed ivf to fall for them in the first place.

Looking back I’m horrified that I gave myself such an awful time. My babies are beautifully healthy, and whether breastfed or formula fed it's for such a short space of time in the grand scheme of life, and fed really is best. I feel I’ve robbed myself of that precious newborn time by being so obsessed with my failure to breastfeed amongst other things, and wish I’d sought help for my PND much earlier than I did due to fear.

HTH.

People who say "making bottles is such a faff" It really isn't.
They go in the dishwasher, get sterilised, made up, which takes 10 minutes a day and put in the fridge until needed!
Quicker than having a baby sucking on my boobs for hours on end.

I think the learning curve for bfing isn’t well understood.

For most people bfing is tough to establish, painful and draining for the first little while. But between 6-10 weeks in (anecdotally) it suddenly becomes incredibly easy and very pleasant.

How I loved the oxytocin rush after a feed

The very negative post above is interesting to me, because in the longer term I didn’t feel any of those things. I found bfing (particularly second time) immensely liberating.

There might be reasons they don't want to explain to you. It could be triggering for someone who's been abused, or they could be on medication or need to go back on it. Or they could really struggle with lack of sleep and know they won't cope with all the night feeds.

I didn’t want to.

I weighed up the pros and cons of both, and ultimately decided that I would be happier formula feeding and therefore my baby would happier.