Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
Benes · 08/07/2019 13:29

truth you're coming across as very patronising by assuming women are making uninformed choices.

I knew all the facts but bf wasn't for me. It didn't work for a number of reasons. FF work for me and our family unit.

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 13:30

And for those “sad” about my baby “wanting” BM and not getting it, if I hadn’t made my peace with FF before he was even conceived then he wouldn’t have existed at all. I wouldn’t have had another baby if I’d had to have BF it. I think the thought that I might never have had my lovely son sadder than the thought he was never BF, personally.

TabbyMumz · 08/07/2019 13:31

Women who don't bf need to make their own choices around being fully informed as there are so many benefits.
@truthontrial.....woman who don't bf, ARE making their own choices and ARE fully informed

TabbyMumz · 08/07/2019 13:34

And truthontrial.. it's you providing the social pressure. You sound like you've swallowed the book.

Talkingfrog · 08/07/2019 13:34

You were right about tve being nosy. It isnt really any concern of yours. People need to do what is right for them.
I wanted to breast feed, but had no milk until baby was 5 days old so didnt have a choice but to formula feed.
I have friends that breastfed, and friends that didn't. Their choice.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 13:37

But don't you think it's important to understand the reasoning behind such a huge choice Benes?

I raised the issue of multi-beneficial outcomes as a direct result of only milk quality being discussed on here.

I am struggling to understand why you call that patronising?

I find it rude tbh to be name-calling without asking first when I made it clear in my post where I came to that conclusion.

MamaFlintstone · 08/07/2019 13:40

How is a huge choice? The evidence supports slightly better outcomes for BF babies. Not huge, slightly. There are much more important choices parents make for their children which aren’t subject to so much derision, criticism and judgement.

TabbyMumz · 08/07/2019 13:47

Mamaflintstone....I agree entirely.

Topseyt · 08/07/2019 13:50

I didn't want to. That was that.

With DD1 I reluctantly agreed to give it a try. It was as bad and worse than I had expected. I really regretted trying and switched to formula after four days. What a great relief. I never tried again with either of the next two.

I couldn't give a shit what anyone else thought or still thinks about me for that.

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 13:52

It’s not that huge a choice @TruthOnTrial. In over 13 years of parenting i can see that it’s probably one of the most insignificant decisions we’ve ever made.

jennymanara · 08/07/2019 13:52

@TruthOnTrial I know you don't see it, but I think you are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Benes · 08/07/2019 13:53

But you aren't listening to people's reasons truth. You are saying that those reasons are invalid and (here's the patronising bit) wrong.
You are clearly very knowledgeable about bf but you're assuming you know more than other people and that your opinion is the right one. It's like you want to make those who chose to FF feel guilty.

Women have a choice and a right to exercise that choice. You don't need to understand it you just need to not judge them for it.

jennymanara · 08/07/2019 13:54

And there is actually lots of research to show the name you give your child has an impact on their life and their outcomes.

Benes · 08/07/2019 13:56

And I agree with others ...it's not a huge choice.
My child still got fed, he thrived and it worked for us as a family.

There are many other choices we've made as parents which will have a greater impact. This one was pretty insignificant tbh.

LisaLops · 08/07/2019 13:57

I didn’t because I was sexually abused as a kid and my abuser paid a lot of attention to my “growing boobs”. They were sexualised from a young age and I couldn’t face breastfeeding because of that....

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 13:58

You sound like you've swallowed the book

Are you attempting to trash me for being informed?

...and you're also saying we've all swallowed the book (claiming everyone is fully informed), and so we should before making a big decision like this.

So you can accuse all the women here of having swallowed the book, which is just being unsupportive and derogatory to other women/mother's, who've had all manner of experiences some tragic, and others the dream of serenity.

..but then I'm not making any money out of it, that does bias the decision a lot

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 14:00

How can you minimise this, bearing in mind the implications for DM and baby.

It doesn't come down to just milk.

Just because you say that's patronising it doesn't mean it is.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 14:01

jennymanara and yes many angst long over it,but I'm not sure it's relevance here. Confused

MamaFlintstone · 08/07/2019 14:05

It’s like whacking your head off a brick wall with you Truth.

The only huge outcomes for mothers, frankly, are for those (like me) who swallowed the BF kool aid and ended up with PND because of people like you when it didn’t work out. For mothers who choose to FF and do, outcomes are pretty much the same as for mothers who choose to BF and do (with the exception of a slightly reduced risk of breast cancer, which shouldn’t be ignored as a consideration but shouldn’t be overstated either).

Benes · 08/07/2019 14:09

I didn't say the facts were patronising. The way you present them are patronising. There's a difference.

For lots of women it really isn't a big decision.
I was fully informed of all the facts and I still chose to FF. Those facts allowed me to make an informed decision which worked for me and my family.

My friend did the same and chose to bf because that's what worked for her at the time. Interestingly, she regrets it and chose to FF her second because she found bf very difficult and it had a huge impact on her mental health.
A huge part of the decision was the fact that there was no difference between her dd and my ds....In fact her daughter is far more sickly than my FF DS.

For two women in our situation the benefits were negligible. You are very knowledgeable truth but you don't know the dynamics of individual circumstances so shouldn't be generalising the way you are.

Just accept that people are making choices that are different to yours but that's okay!

TabbyMumz · 08/07/2019 14:14

No..truth in trial....I said YOU had swallowed the book..because you are the one preaching about it. Why can YOU not understand that women take on board the information and then make their choice Most women on here have heard all what you are preaching already .they don't need you to go over it again and again.

TheRedSquare · 08/07/2019 14:15

I personally just didn't want too.
I'm not a healthy person food wise and I take medication (not going to get into that here) so I felt it wouldn't be best for my baby, as what I eat he eats if I breastfed.
I hand expressed colostrum, so he had that with every feed for 48 hours.
He is happy and healthy on formula and thriving.
When people ask me to my face why have I not even tried...I very firmly tell them I don't want too...and that is that!

TabbyMumz · 08/07/2019 14:17

"So you can accuse all the women here of having swallowed the book, which is just being unsupportive and derogatory to other women/mother's, who've had all manner of experiences some tragic, and others the dream of serenity.... "
I don't think you are well truthontrial. And I mean that in a concerning way.

lily2403 · 08/07/2019 14:20

@Lottle

When i had my first baby i was 21 i didn't feel comfortable getting my boobs out, EOH and FIL told me point blank don't breastfeed as i don't want to see your tits out (charming) So i convinced myself it was weird to do it so my first two babies were bottlefed. So put it down to age and being a pushover.

Fast forwards i'm 40 i have my 3rd baby, i feel more confident my DH and his and my family very open and supportive. I breastfed for 18 months and loved every second off it. I do wish i was stronger when younger but oh well

I have three (2 adult and 1 toddler ) strong and very bonded to me children.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 14:26

This is getting aggressive and personal against me.

I think it's a very low thing to do to accuse women of being unwell because they have a different opinion to you. It's actually pretty mysogynistic.

Swallowing the book is also insulting, as it repeatedly calling someone patronising when I've explained how I came to that conclusion.

Who's the one being nasty?

Setting out a case based on what I've been told/learnt isn't patronising.

I have also repeatedly commiserated with some horrible experiences on here.

I don't know what you're trying to prove

Bf are in the minority. They don't need ganging up on, and can hardly be accused of ganging up on others can they, if FF is so popular and promoted?

But there's a lot of money behind it.

Being rude just doesn't help anyone, and incites argument