To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

They don’t want to 🤷‍♀️

I’m still bfing, I was really I unsure at first and had it in my head that I wouldn’t be able to do it/it would be painful etc..but I wanted to try.
My mum, sister, mil and sil all bottle fed and often said when I had some struggles to just go for the bottle.
My mum said she didn’t like the idea physically and her nipples have always been too sensitive, my sister said she didn’t consider it (was years ago) but would now.
When I read a list of all the massive benefits for mother and child to them, they were surprised and admitted they didn’t know this (neither did I) so perhaps it’s a bit of that too?
I don’t judge at all but am curious why you wouldn’t want to at least try and see how it went and obviously stop if it wasn’t working/became painful etc..but..each to their own 🤷‍♀️

Because it can be exhausting, inconvenient, messy, restrictive, and painful.

And when you've just had an exhausting, inconvenient, painful, restrictive and (?messy?) 9 months then it's not surprising that a lot of women give it up so quickly because they want their lives back.

Some will find it serene and wonderful and not at all painful, others will not.

Ultimately it's down to what you can handle and what you want to do.

Whilst breast feeding does have marginal benefits (it will not guarantee your child a place at Oxbridge, make them an Olympian or safeguard them against cancer), I still maintain that if I were to present you with a bunch of three year olds, ten year olds, GCSE students, thirty year olds etc etc, you'd have absolutely no idea which ones were breastfed and which were not.

Probably because of the implied judgment and condescension of people like OP.

Well that’s a bit of an odd response isn’t it. OP isn’t judging anyone, she’s simply enquiring, and I doubt anyone is making decisions about how to feed their baby based on someone asking.

It is more difficult in the early days. BF babies feed more often, all feeds are down to the one parent not shared, its painful, you worry they're getting enough or too much, anxiety about feeding in public etc.

As they get older 4 months + it is easier to BF and less equipment and less of the issues from the early days. It then gets hard to stop and you have to find a cup or bottle they will take - you hear a lot about "bottle refusers" in BF circles.

It's not an easy option so I can understand why it's not for everyone

I have an aversion to my breasts being touched. That counts for babies too.

I think that they think that it's too much work - which it absolutely isn't - it's so easy and convenient and most importantly - the BEST thing for baby.

I think its lazy and selfish not too and I actually kind of feel sorry for babies who aren't breastfed.

And then they use excuses about not latching,or no milk etc - or lack of support - not sure exactly what support they want!

Maybe it's because breasts are so sexualised? That's why they feel funny about it?

You produce milk for your baby - that's the milk your baby should have. Not dried milk from a cow! (Meant for her baby)

It's a shame you didn't really get any answers here, OP, but I half expected all those very defensive replies.

All the replies about medical issues with either the mum or the baby are absolutely fair enough.

It's the people who don't even try and just say "I don't want to" that the op is querying. And a lot of the replies didn't expand on that. Fine, of course you don't need to justify it. I just don't see why even reply at all then.

It is sad that conversations on this subject so often end up this way.

All I'd ever seen before being pregnant were babies bottle fed, so for me, that was normality and breastfeeding was a bit strange. Everyone I knew bottlefed was healthy, slim, and done well in life and never believed that as individuals, bottlefed babies fared worse (although totally accept that as a very large group, there is a small benefit).

My kids' dad was keen to be involved in feeding them and was OK with them being bottlefed so that was that.

It is a choice I feel people (mainly women) make way too much over. If you want to breastfed, do so, in public and enjoy it. If you don't want to, you don't have to justify your decision to anyone. There are many more important ways to give your children a better chance of a healthy life, other ways that are much more neglected.

@insert
Before formula women used cows milk only if they could not breastfeed. It was not a choice, simply a way to make sure their baby survived.

I grew up in an area where a lot of girls had babies very young. My friend had a baby at 16. As she was so young, a lot of what she did was guided by her own mum's advice. Her mum had bottle fed, so her mum showed her how to make up formula. I don't think anyone even discussed the possibility of breastfeeding with her.

I think ‘they don’t want to’ should be enough of a reason to give.

However, it’s interesting to try to understand how much of ‘not wanting to’ is caught up with societal expectations around what breasts are for and clever marketing by the formula companies.

I wish more people would give it a go and be given the support to make it happen. However I concede that it’s not a huge deal in the overall scheme of things. FF is perfectly fine.

I actually kind of feel sorry for babies who aren't breastfed.

Save your sanctimonious bull. I wasn't breastfed and I'm the slimmest smartest healthiest person I know

I don't think it is unreasonable/judging to try to understand other people's choices? The OP doesn't come across as judging, just wanting to understand why people don't want to without offending friends.

I fully support every woman having their own choice, and as to why someone would judge another woman's decision to do what is best for them and their family. I have always secretly wondered the reason behind the decision to not give it a go, but would never ask someone in real life. Surely an anonymous forum is a great place to ask the question?

FWIW I bottle fed my first, after a couple of days of stressing over failed feeds, and breast fed my second.

OPs post doesn't imply or actually say any of the things it's being accused of!

I fail to understand how the faff is an argument.

So, middle of the night baby wants a feed, if you bf you simply pick your baby up and snuggle it to your breast. Not getting out of bed, not having to prep anything before bed when you're exhausted at the end of the day. No endless bottles everywhere and the cleaning/sterilising.

Bottles are definitely a massive faff, oh and expensive, require fuel to hear and additional time and work, but even then the formula cannot match the quality of bf.

You decide, one way or the other, but know what each entails, and for some women it is extremely hard.

Research seems to suggest that pnd is the result of many factors, and bf does seem to help with it, and vitally, establishing a good bond, for mother, and baby.

It's interesting, the idea being off-putting, and yes, I agree, prior to pregnancy the concept of having a baby attach to your nipple did seem alien. I wonder if that is because it's not sufficiently common around young girls.

Abusive men will often try to stop bf as they consider the breasts their property and get annoyed at the time it takes the mother away from their own needs.

Sometimes of course there is no choice, as it's physically not possible, for many reasons, on the part of the baby or the mother.

Some people really don't want to ...and that's fine!

I didn't like the idea of a baby sucking on me. I still don't . It was my choice and that's it. My children did just fine being bottle fed .

I support women feeding their babies in the way they want to.

I do think it's important, however, that women get the right information, encouragement and support to breastfeed, given the proven, ongoing benefits to the baby.

I don't think the babies will remember Ruck so you can feel sorry for them if you want but it's kind of pointless.....

I think it’s ok to ask. She’s asking why people don’t try, not why they haven’t managed to.
I was in a large FB group of mums and those who didn’t initiate BF at all had decided not to do so long before their baby was born. We did discuss it to a degree and I remember one poster saying it had never occurred to her to BF. So to her formula was what you do, she was formula fed herself and that’s what everyone she knows does.
I think if your own mum BF you, if your friend and family BF and you grew up seeing this then you are far more likely to attempt it.

I do breast feed, but the whole time I was pregnant I found the whole concept just plain weird, and a bit grim.

The only reason I tried was because at our antenatal classes they told us how important it was for the first feed to be breast (I don't know how true this actually is). They told us that baby gets all your immunities etc through breastfeeding too.
First feed and baby latched on perfectly. She made it so easy that it just felt super natural.
There have been times that I've struggled massively (mainly sore nipples) and for a little while we did combination feed, but we're EBF for now.

I do still find it weird when people breastfeed walking, talking toddlers!
I'll stop as soon as baby's eating / grows teeth and starts biting - whichever comes first.

I am on medication for my epilepsy and I didn’t want DC to be subjected to that a minute longer than necessary.

Who told you it was a risk??

The amount of drug they'd get through your breast milk is neglubke, especially in comparison to how much of it they were exposed to in your womb.

I'm on medication for my epilepsy and breast fed my first son for 2.5 years and currently breast feeding my 23 month old.

My epilepsy nurse and neurologist both told me it was fine to breast feed.

I'm guessing though that some drugs may be safer than others so maybe you were on a riskier one.

I know 5 women who are currently pregnant and 3 of them have said categorically they won't even attempt breast feeding.

Unfortunately formula is now seen as being on par with breast milk so many women don't see the point in putting themselves through the difficulties of breast feeding when they can just give formula instead.

didn’t want to ruin my breasts

I did with my daughter, I had such a hard time with it I stopped at 12 weeks. I felt like an absolute failure at the time. No rudeness or disrespect to anyone else. I’m ever lucky enough to have another I’d bottle feed from a newborn, I couldn’t cope with the pressure or heartache of it again. My mum bottle fed all of us, She had no desire to breastfeed

I also know a women who has been sexually abused as a kid who could not bear anyone touching her breasts. Even someone accidentally brushing against her would lead to her freaking out. Unsurprisingly she did not breastfeed.

Tried and failed with DS1. Just could not get him to latch. Had a whole week stuck in hospital after birth of me crying because I was failing and DS crying because he was hungry. I felt really pressured to keep trying and keep pumping when I couldn't. I caved and gave him formula so we could get his weight up and go the hell home. He survived and is a happy healthy 4 year old.
Did not even attempt breastfeeding with DS2. I know it could have been very different but I just did not have it in me to deal with the emotions if it didn't work out again. I pumped because he was in neonatal for a bit, but I stopped as soon as we got home and went to formula. Probably won't even try it again if I have a 3rd child. It was draining.

I tried with my son but my breasts were too big to easily manoeveur and the midwives were very unhelpful other than to dictate that I shouldn't stop. After a month of exhaustive pumping I combined with formula. I had a wonderful pregnancy, an idyllic birth, but breastfeeding was stressful, difficult and made me very emotional so I said, with my second baby that if it didn't come easily I would go straight to formula. That's what I did, and the first 2 months were so much happier, relaxed and enjoyable.