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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 05/07/2019 11:40

Because it is perfectly possible to provide your baby with everything it needs for optimum growth and development without BF.
HTH.
No it’s possible to provide everything a baby needs for growth and development without breastfeeding. For optimal growth and development however breastfeeding is necessary.
However some women can’t breastfeed , but that doesn’t make it any less true.

ChairNTable · 05/07/2019 11:40

@Thehop Have you never met anyone with tokophobia?

MenuPlant · 05/07/2019 11:40

The stats show that the vast majority of new mothers do attempt it but it falls away, presumably due to a lack of support.

Obviuosly it is easier and much cheaper to tell women they must do something and that they're shit if they don't, than actually providing the support they need to do it at the right time.

OvalCanvas · 05/07/2019 11:43

A couple of reasons. The first being that I'm not very good at being pregnant , I love my kids more than anything but I find the process (42 weeks of it x 3) really difficult. By the time they arrived I wanted to feel like my body belonged to me again.

Another reason is that I don't want to be tied to my baby day and night for months without a solid break. I had to do this with my first as my exh was abusive and useless and it nearly broke me. Having my dh feed and care for the baby for a good few hours while I sleep or go for a coffee or a haircut keeps me sane and helps me be a good parent.

Those are the main reasons , either way fed is best so let's all crack on with our choicesSmile

BigRedLondonBus · 05/07/2019 11:43

I know someone who didn’t try as she didn’t want to “ruin them” by breastfeeding. I think a lot of people just don’t want to, I’m one of the only one of my friends that bf.

Moodyfoodie · 05/07/2019 11:43

It's controversial isn't it but I don't understand either. If research has shown time and time again that it's the best thing for baby, not to mention the health benefits for the mum, why would you not even try?

My SIL was like this, at about one month pregnant she announced proudly that she wouldn't even try breastfeeding and baby didn't even get the colostrum. I have to say I did judge her for that.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 05/07/2019 11:45

Probably because of the implied judgment and condescension of people like OP.

Your way was right for you.
For the love of god, leave other women to decide what their right way is.

Said as a permanently child free woman.

teaandbiscuits89 · 05/07/2019 11:45

I think it's great so many women breastfeed but i couldn't be arses with the faff when formula would (and has done) raise a perfectly healthy child.

I wanted the help feeding from dp and dm and didnt want to express. I have a large chest that causes me problems so I wanted them to go back to "normal" asap.

WhoatemyLindtbunny · 05/07/2019 11:45

They don’t want to, bottom line.

The only person (and I know a few who haven’t attempted) who’s said outright why is my hairdresser - who said she couldn’t be bothered 🤣!!! Fair enough, but having exclusively breast fed for 6 months, combi fed and now formula bottle feeding I have to say boobing is soooooooo much simpler/less stressful/less faffing hands down (if you can easily b feed of course obvs a lot of ladies try and can’t). Only plus I can think is that bottle feeding is quicker when they’re actually doing it, but that might be because mine is now an 11 month chugger 😂.

x2boys · 05/07/2019 11:46

Why do you care? Have you got a baby ? Because the only people who seem to care how other people feed their babies are women with small babies in 10,15,20 years time you really won't care who breast fed or who bottle fed

InsertFunnyUsername · 05/07/2019 11:46

I think it's silly to put the blame solely on formula companies, like women have no choice in the matter. Didnt women pre formula or if they couldn't afford it use cows milk/dried milk/wean early. So it's always been a choice some women have made, rather than breast feeding (not suggesting they beat BM obviously)

But to answer your question OP, because they have free will.

lrh3891 · 05/07/2019 11:47

You're brave, OP.

But I do get the question. I don't judge people who don't breastfeed, but I absolutely can't understand it- as in, i can't imagine not having wanted to at least give it a go. I was excited to, I knew it was the "optimal" way to feed my baby (though of course not the only good way, before I get jumped on!) and wanted to have that bond and closeness. I can't comprehend why anyone wouldn't want that.

Still, not my boobs, not my problem 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 05/07/2019 11:48

I wasn't going to with dc2 because I'd tried with dc1 and found it hugely triggering. I struggled on for 3 months and reached the point where feeling that cutting my nipples off was a reasonable solution. He wanted to cluster feed for six hours at a time at points and I remember watching Criminal Minds over his head wishing I was that episode's corpse so I wouldn't have to deal with how I felt. I find anyone touching my breasts repulsive although as it happens, I ended up combo feeding dc2 for the first 8 weeks or so because I was in a better place mentally than I was with my first but I still struggled.

Even thinking about it to write this makes me feel sick and shaky. If we have a 3rd, I can't honestly say what I'd do.

JoJoSM2 · 05/07/2019 11:48

I didn't want to. I liked that DH or our maternity nurse could look after the baby form day 1 and I could have time to rest.

HorridHenrysNits · 05/07/2019 11:48

Having appraised myself of the best quality research available, the possibility that we might benefit from the demonstrable benefits on a population level (fewer respiratory and gastro for baby, reduction in breast cancer for me) were less important than the definite benefits of formula feeding that would definitely be derived on an individual level (me being able to recover from the birth without having to initiate feeding, not have to do all night feeds, return to preferred contraceptive method). Then I had an EMCS anyway followed by baby in special care while I was ill so became a moot point!

WhoatemyLindtbunny · 05/07/2019 11:50

And no for the love of God fed is not flaming best!!!!!!! Formula is more than adequate (altho it could easily be better, buts that’s another discussion) acceptable and the right thing to do if you that’s what you would rather do or have no choice to do. But it is not when direct comparison with breast milk as good as it better.

BazaarMum · 05/07/2019 11:51

My MIL said she couldn’t be bothered with it, and couldn’t get understand why anyone would.

I’ve had A LOT more judgement for making a big effort to breastfeed, and for extended breast feeding, than I ever did when BF didn’t work out with DC1 and I switched to formula.

Formula feeding is the ‘norm’ and there is a lot of inverted snobbery over women who choose to make an effort over something “so ridiculous” to quote a poster above Hmm

MustardScreams · 05/07/2019 11:51

Well if formula was advertised as assorted dried vegetable oils, palm fat, lactose whey and vits & minerals rather than ‘almost as good as breastmilk’ I doubt as many people would buy it.

Purplelion · 05/07/2019 11:52

I am pregnant with my 3rd and this baby will be formula fed, as have my other 2.
I didn't want to breastfeed for a few reasons.
1- I simply didn't want to.

2- I like the option of my OH feeding the baby as and when he wants to as well as me.

3-With a teen and a toddler I don't want to be tied to a cluster feeding baby.

4- I don't want the tears/pain/struggles and want my body to myself.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 05/07/2019 11:52

My 1st, I tried, I had flat nipples, couldn't get a decent latch, even with nipple shields. So I pumped milk. My life revolved around pumping milk. For 13 weeks. I had low supply too. It really affected my MH. My 2nd (6 weeks old now) I was adamant I would try, but resigned to not being able to. Had a very long labour, resulting in forceps. She latched quickly but then couldn't get her to do it again. Started formula feeding, then pumped and now I bf her maybe 3 times a day, pump 3 times and ff. It's not affecting my MH as much as I haven't put as much pressure on myself. It's a personal thing and I never understand why people ask "are you feeding her yourself" I always want to answer "no, I'm letting the milkman feed her" people need to stop being so nosy about what is someone else's choice. Or may not be their choice.

December2019 · 05/07/2019 11:52

I tried it... fucking hated it!
That's a good enough reason I think?
My LO is FF and is a little happy chunky thriving human being and my sanity is still intact so good all round In my opinion 😜

Alsohuman · 05/07/2019 11:53

Basically because I wanted to share my baby. I wanted his dad and my mum to be able to feed him. The bottle the midwife gave him before he came into contact with a nipple was the deciding factor. The bottle was easier and he couldn’t be arsed to work for the milk.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 05/07/2019 11:54

Just from people I know; they tried but didn't have support with it so stopped as it was stressful, they just didn't want to, they wanted to split the nights with their partner etc etc.

I breastfed mine because once I'd got the hang of it I was determined to continue and tbh the main reason was because I couldn't be bothered to wash bottles!

I do remember being in hospital being loudly slagged off by the woman opposite me and her friend for breastfeeding. They were saying how disgusting it was. It wouldn't bother me now but I remember crying in hospital feeling awful.

JoJoSM2 · 05/07/2019 11:54

Just for some factual information based on research in the UK...

For every 2,000 formula-fed babies, just under 4 would be hospitalised for diarrhoea in the first 8 months, compared to 1 per 2,000 among exclusively breastfed babies. For chest infection, 10 per 2,000 formula-fed babies would be hospitalised, compared to 6 per 2,000 who were exclusively breastfed. Curiously those who received both formula and breastmilk (partially breastfed) were at the lowest risk for chest infection.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 05/07/2019 11:55

Formula feeding is the ‘norm’ and there is a lot of inverted snobbery over women who choose to make an effort over something “so ridiculous” to quote a poster above

Depends on your social circle. Mine is very into extended breastfeeding and so even though those privy to my reasons agreed that it was entirely the right thing to do for my family, I still got a lot of comments and people acting disappointed that I wasn't still breastfeeding beyond the limited period I stuck it out for.