Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
Lockheart · 05/07/2019 12:22

@TruthOnTrial I don't have a baby. But yes, being the sole provider for a high needs baby CAN be inconvenient and restrictive, and I don't know why you think it wouldn't be.

Lots of women struggle with it, it doesn't make them bad people.

Lots of women have an easy baby and find breastfeeding easy, it doesn't make them superior, just lucky.

swingofthings · 05/07/2019 12:23

I don't like people touching me and if I was permanently attached to a baby, much as I love him, I wouldn't be able to cope
I think that comes as close to the explanation I would give. The idea of a baby sucking a part of my skin was off putting to me, but then I don't like to be touched much except in intimate sexual contact.

No problem at all with cuddles and kisses, just don't like over parts of my body touched.

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 05/07/2019 12:23

@Celebelly yes I was given the correct advice but I did not feel comfortable breastfeeding whilst taking such strong medication. Couple with going to the clinic once a week for 10 months to have my medication adjusted, I made the decision not to take any risks. I regret absolutely nothing.

x2boys · 05/07/2019 12:23

I don't know what support is like now but when ds1 was born there was absolutely fuck all support, yes the midwives pushed the breast is best mantra but as for support when I actually needed it ,no there was non I subsequently gave up after a day or two ,anecdotally my Grandmother lost her first baby at three weeks old due to not being able to produce enough milk, this was in the 1930,s she subsequently bottle fed her other three kids so thank God there ,s an alternative.

gingersausage · 05/07/2019 12:23

@1300cakes believe me, shredded bleeding nipples dispensing pink milk wasn’t a fucking choice!

TruthOnTrial · 05/07/2019 12:23

1300cakes
Yes, what a waste! That's not my experience or that of any I've seen around me, the two don't seem to go together, as bf also introduces the baby to the tastes and experience of the food you eat, so encouraging a wider variety of food trying later on.

Bf might be a reason that pnd rates are lower amongst those bf. Where's the evidence of pnd causes?

HorridHenrysNits · 05/07/2019 12:24

Setting aside that some people just like to employ bad faith arguments, the faff is a matter of opinion and circumstances. Woman A can't be arsed washing bottles and making sure she has formula in, and this is more of a bother to her than doing all the night feeds. Woman B cant be arsed doing all the night feeds and the cluster feeding to establish bf, and this is more of a bother to her than extra washing up. They're both right.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 05/07/2019 12:24

In my case it's because I don't have any children. Is that OK? Hmm

Iamclearlyamug · 05/07/2019 12:24

Didn't want to full stop.

DD is 50% her father's too so he could damn well shoulder some of the feeding responsibility and share the night wake ups - why should I do it all?

The end

TruthOnTrial · 05/07/2019 12:24

ginger bloody ouch!

RebootYourEngine · 05/07/2019 12:26

There is quite a bit of judging on this thread and it's all coming from those who breastfed.

Everyone has their own reasons and as long as your baby is getting fed it shouldn't matter whether they were breast or formula fed.

Moodyfoodie · 05/07/2019 12:26

I’ve passed your sympathies to my formula fed toddler Ruck, she’s immensely grateful to have someone who cares since her mother is so lazy and selfish she didn’t do something that, according to you, is less work than formula feeding. She says it almost makes up for being hospitalised three times for jaundice and weight loss after she couldn’t feed (but now you’ve explained that doesn’t happen, we’ve revised history and those painful memories are completely erased).

God why are people so utterly defensive. It's embarrassing.

OP wasn't talking about those who tried and couldn't, they were asking about those who didn't want to even try. I wonder that too, why wouldn't someone want to even try and do what's best for the baby? Not one person on here has answered that, apart from the poster who gave the moving account of rape and triggers.

DuMondeB · 05/07/2019 12:26

Haven’t read the thread but nursing aversion can be a trauma response to sexual abuse.

I loved breast feeding my babies but it’s non of my goddamn business why other women feel differently!

Women should be given support to reach their own breastfeeding goals, but it’s up to the individual to determine those goals for herself.

TruthOnTrial · 05/07/2019 12:26

Yes, both right, in that sense horrid, but there's a lot more at stake than which pain you pick, one is far more beneficial than the other.

Passthecherrycoke · 05/07/2019 12:26

Bottles can seem intimidating if you aren’t used to them and have to wait for them to warm up whilst a baby screams their head off.

Without meaning to cause offence I’m really curious about the milk not coming in. Does it actually happen that some pregnant women don’t develop any milk glands/ production? Is it something that gets diagnosed and is there any treatment for it?

I only ask because mine didn’t come in for about 5/6 days the second time and the only sign was when I noticed actual milk (as opposed to colostrum) on her tongue. I didn’t notice any difference in the baby.

Celebelly · 05/07/2019 12:27

I think the 'faff' argument just depends. For us, it would be a heck of a faff, especially when going out and about - we often go out in the morning, plan to come home at lunchtime and then end up going somewhere else and spending the afternoon there. That's not a problem as I always have my boobs, but presumably I would have to make up multiple bottles in the morning to take or carry around flasks of hot water and powder (I don't really know how formula is made up for taking out all day) and try to make bottles up wherever we are.

For other people, though, they might not care about that or not go out often enough or for long enough, or spontaneously enough to care. It just doesn't work for us.

TruthOnTrial · 05/07/2019 12:27

True DuMonde as is pnd also

HorridHenrysNits · 05/07/2019 12:28

Not true moodiefoodie, read my first post in this thread for an explanation that has nothing to do with rape or triggers.

TruthOnTrial · 05/07/2019 12:29

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace

In my case it's because I don't have any children. Is that OK? hmm

Totally missed the point of you posting that Confused

jennymanara · 05/07/2019 12:29

I do think any faff of making bottles is overemphasised. You can even buy them already made up. And I think when people talk about dads being involved, they mean the dad can do night feeds with a bottle fed baby.

Lifeover · 05/07/2019 12:29

Because they have their reasons and it is their body to do as they like - that quite frankly should be the beginning and end of the conversation. NO woman should ever have to justify what they decide to do with their body.

Sixgeese · 05/07/2019 12:30

Because I was on medication for 6 weeks after the birth that my haemotologist and the hospital pharmacy told me you shouldn't breast feed while taking, the maternity staff still tried to get me to try to breast feed despite my showing them the leaflet inside the medication where it says do not breast feeding while taking.

LaurieMarlow · 05/07/2019 12:30

one is far more beneficial than the other.

I’m a bfing advocate but I don’t think we should overstate the evidence. It’s a bit more beneficial. It doesn’t make a huge difference.

BollocksToBrexit · 05/07/2019 12:30

It’s a simple question “why didn’t you want to breastfeed?”
I don’t know why people can’t just give a simple answer without protesting so much.

Because of experience of similar threads on mumsnet has made it very clear that a simple, honest answer is likely to be met with vicious, nasty judgment.

For example, I once explained that I couldn't breastfeed because I'm autistic and have sensory issues. The feeling of breastfeeding brought me close to meltdown and the knock on effect was that I began to have really negative feeling towards my baby. Once I started formula feeding I could relax and begin to bond with him. I was told that I was selfish, that it wasn't that I couldn't breastfeed but that I didn't too and that I was putting my needs ahead of my baby's and if I really cared about him I would have tried harder.

poopypants · 05/07/2019 12:31

I guess I am puzzled that someone would actually want to have children but then say they don't want to bf as 'it might hurt, it might make my boobs saggy, it might be inconvenient, it's a bit icky...'. Jeez. If you don't want anything messy, inconvenient or tricky in your life, don't have kids. BF is the LEAST of all these things you will encounter. If you are going to say 'yeah, nah' from the start for those sorts of reasons, you should be rethinking your whole plan.