To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

I haven't had DC yet as TTC but I'll need to either do combo feeding or FF as I have bipolar disorder and one of the worst things for it is disturbed sleep patterns.

Feeding is not the only thing that keeps new parents up. And many pregnant women have difficulty sleeping from third trimester also. Please check in with your healthcare professionals to have guidance on management after you have a baby because teething, illness, etc. can cause them to wake at night.

@edgeofheaven

I realise that edge but breast feeding would be the only thing that DH can't do...hence combo feeding.

I don't think some disturbed nights will impact me too much but a spate of cluster feeding night after night would be difficult.

@justilou1

That sounds awful. I had no idea. I’m so pleased that this was investigated and you got some answers. So you knew for certain and you weren’t beating yourself with a stick. Sounds like for once there was a good service pp!

I did feel slightly bad when he was just born and rooting for the breast and I stuck a teat in his gob lol

I know it’s not my body, my baby or my business but this still made me feel sad

I didnt want to anyway.

But when my baby came I didnt produce any milk at all.

And even if i had, i was far too ill physically and had too much medication to take that kept me alive but would have harmed my baby.

@crispysausagerolls me too!

On a personal level I can never understand a mother just "not wanting" to BF their baby (confounding mental/physical issues aside obviously)... BUT I fully appreciate that just because I don't understand it doesn't make those women wrong, it's just obviously both coming from a very different POV, which happens in all aspects of life. I wouldn't discuss those internal feelings, other than on a thread like this. I recognise it's none of my business for starters!

I had such a tough time feeding my DC1 that it nearly broke me, but on balance I knew that I would have felt worse about stopping, than about making myself carry on. I'm very glad I made that decision. It did get easier eventually! I felt strongly that breastfeeding was the right and best way to feed my baby and I didn't want to feed artificial milk when I had human milk available. As it was DC1 needed to be combo fed for the first four weeks of life, so I'm not anti-artifical milk. I'm very grateful there was an alternative to help us survive those first few weeks and go on to EBF.

'I know it’s not my body, my baby or my business but this still made me feel sad'

How patronising.

How is it patronising? A newborn baby wanted x and was denied it. I think that's quite sad.

This thread is like a parallel universe.

'No one says you have to exclusively BF. As for going back to work at 6months...no one said you had to BF forever.'

In my mums group the breast feeders found it incredibly stressful going back to work because very few of the bf babies would take a bottle. Probably because bf campaigners tell you not to give one for the first 2 months by which time baby will be a bottle refuser. Yes by 6 months they're starting to wean but they'll also want to feed for comfort whilst separated from their mum and a cup doesn't do that in the same way as a bottle.

@NeverGotMyPuppy the baby wanted milk and it got milk. The OPs sentence ended with 'it was all fine'. It's patronising because you don't need to go around feeling sad for other people's babies, Jesus Christ. Maybe if you think this thread is like a parallel universe you could consider that you're the one with the odd views. Bf support groups might be an echo chamber of patronising bullshit about the poor FF babies but the rest of the world is not.

In my mums group the breast feeders found it incredibly stressful going back to work because very few of the bf babies would take a bottle. Probably because bf campaigners tell you not to give one for the first 2 months by which time baby will be a bottle refuser.

Sorry for your friends that they had such a hard time. I was lucky to find a community of mums going back to work or who had recently returned to get good advice. Both of mine had bottles at 4-6 weeks old and were fine with bottles. Only issue with DC1 is she wouldn't take a bottle from me or if I was home, but when at work or out had no issues.

Honestly look at the US which has higher BF rates than the UK, most women have 8 weeks maternity leave and go back, pumping/expressing is extremely common there. Your experience is anecdotal but there are many places where women BF with a combination of breast and bottled expressed milk.

'NeverGotMyPuppy'

Perhaps it's time you did?🤔

Perhaps its time I did what?

@itscallednickingbentcoppers the rest of the world? What were there is such higher rate of bf than here? Ah yes. I dont think a view of thinking bf is better than ff is odd. Because it isnt. Its true.

@edgeofheaven that really helps - I just couldn't be bothered to try a bottle when he was tiny and it would have been a good idea- I shouldn't have listened to my midwife (that's true of a lot of what she said 2bh!)

I had to mix feed my first as she wasn't gaining enough milk and therefore weight. Her latch wasn't great and as I had pre-eclampsia I think she was a little shocked for a week or so. I was really gutted.

With second I didn't use formula at all. Tried at a month old to get a good nights sleep but she wouldn't have none of it. I enjoyed it for the bonding but that was personal to me. I judge no one for formula feeding as long as they're meeting their babies needs.

'It's pretty standard though that people choose to advocate for the benefit of babies.

Solicitors and barristers advocate to help, lots of people don't it lots of arenas, should bf be excluded as exempt from promotingthe benefits to health and wellbeing, for DM and baby? That seems odd.

There has been a lot of money thrown at promoting very poor alternatives.

It processed over real.'

You are using emotive language here, and then wondering why people get angry about the insinuations you are making. Choosing to FF is not about baby vs mum. It is about what's best for the family as a whole. I trust women to make that choice, you clearly do not as you think we have all been influenced by FF companies and can't think for ourselves. You're way off the mark and very out of line insinuating that FF mums aren't making the best choice and are failing to safeguard their babies health.

'@itscallednickingbentcoppers the rest of the world? What were there is such higher rate of bf than here? Ah yes. I dont think a view of thinking bf is better than ff is odd. Because it isnt. Its true.'

The rest of the world outside Kellymom and LLL meetings.

I've never used either.

What's with the defensiveness? It's really quite strange.

I give up

This thread does make quite depressing reading .At the end of the day there are going to be ff babies and bf babies .Some of the comments on here against ff mum's are really nasty and judgemental and those posting should have a long hard look at their nasty attitudes .At the end of the day we do what we feel is right and everyone's circumstances are different. I don't judge how someone feeds their baby ff or bf crack on .But this thread has shown that woman can be so nasty to each other and that is the issue here not how we each each feed our babies 🤷‍♀️.

'What's with the defensiveness? It's really quite strange.'

Stop pretending to be naive. You and other posters here have been judgemental and goady towards FF mums and you know it, we know it, everyone knows it. Then act all innocent when people get pissed off at the shitty insinuations you are making.

And also, the insinuation even that I need to be defensive because I used formula (as well as BF) is a sly dig. I'm discussing the issue, not getting defensive - I don't give a shit what you think of my choice to mix feed. And I'm not going to list the reasons why I made that choice as people often find themselves doing to justify their choice, as if it needs to be justified. It doesn't. What I am defensive of is the feelings of mums, especially new mums who are struggling, who want to make the choice that is best for them but are shamed into BF when they don't want to or just can't by nasty underhand comments. I can spot them a mile away two years on but I couldn't in the post natal fog.

I BF my DD who is 6months and all I got for a while was judgement and abuse for it. My MIL repeatedly told me I was starving my baby and that I was making her unhappy, and making her clingy (DD actually just doesn't like MIL). Luckily I have no issue in ignoring her and others who are equally judgey, and whenever she asks me what I'm feeding now I just tell her DD is having Diet Coke and she normally shuts up fairly quickly. I can see how others would give in to the pressure though and switch to formula. My MIL proudly tells everyone her kids were SMA babies and believes all babies should be formula fed. I couldn't give a shit how anyone else feeds their baby personally but I've definitely had more criticism for BF than I think I ever would for FF. DD is a terrible sleeper and the amount of people who tell me she would sleep through if I gave formula is absurd (she doesn't I've tried). I've also had weird comments off other family members on DH's side that clearly see it as a sexual thing which is most disturbing. As a BF mother I can fully see why other mums wouldn't bother BF and I think the only reason I carried on is stubbornness and not wanting to feel like I've given up now I've started. Ive already told DH that next baby will probably be FF from the start.

Yes Lucy there is a lot of anger towards bf women. So ironic.

Sorry you had to endure that.

Bf is still such a contentious issue. It's almost like it's the most alien thing in the world, it's like women's breasts are being erased other than as fun bags for men's delight and entertainment.

I started out on this thread feeling very open to all,but some of the mud-slinging towards women who bf is horrible, and just as unsupportive of women as those claiming the opposite!

Choosing to FF is not about baby vs mum

Please show me where I said this. I don't understand what you mean by saying that.

I trust women to make that choice, you clearly do not as you think we have all been influenced by FF companies and can't think for ourselves

Ironically what you have used here is very emotive language. Well it's true, is it not, that for years the marketeers have stopped women bf by promoting FF way over and above the benefits of bf, and it has always been a poor alternative. Women have their own reason for choosing, and the OP is an wonder as to why. This has been made repeatedly clear. If you want to twist it into an attack on women's choices then you go for it, but thats a rather negative intent and impact on good discussion.

You're way off the mark and very out of line insinuating that FF mums aren't making the best choice and are failing to safeguard their babies health

Mums don't always make best choices, I might not have made the best choices, many have limited choice for many reasons, blaming me for that is what's out of line. You are trying to twist this into something it isn't.

I am not here to have a pop at anyone, and if you read the thread you will see this

That was quite an attack on me personally