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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 11:14

Cluster feeding happens with breast or bottle.

Personally, I wouldn't put DH need to 'be involved in feeding' over and above the baby's right to have breast milk. The baby has a right to be bf doesn't it?

About disturbed nights, bf was one of the best ways for me to stay sleepy and less disturbed. I think it's a myth to think that hearing bottles in the night is less disruptive. Looping a boob out whilst remaining lying down is easy. The natural chemical release to remain sleepy and slide back into sleep easily is amazing.

I found pregnancy disrupted my sleep, a lot, and the further through the pregnancies the worse.

I didn't find the night feeds disruptive, but teething, sickness, and other bed-swapping activities through the night far more so! That is anecdotal yes, but something I know many around me have said, but again, anecdotal.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 11:23

whersmymojo
You will get naturally calming, soothing and sleep inducing chemicals that come with each breast feed.

There's nothing stopping DH helping.

DH can help in so many ways that ensure you get your sleep, and lots of it, and can also share in the feeds. However, thats your choice, its just good to know the facts.

You could benefit hugely from that natural chemical soothing by the sounds of it, and DH can still feed, but I imagine that the meds you may take are a big consideration to offering breast milk?

NeverGotMyPuppy · 08/07/2019 11:25

@truthontrial completely agree.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 11:33

Grin Grin so much at looping boobs!!! Wow! Grin Grin.

*Lopping [obvs]

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 11:33

I know it’s not my body, my baby or my business but this still made me feel sad

Why?

He’s 10 now and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember it, far less been affected by it. Perhaps save your sadness and pity for those kids who actually need it, not one who’s been loved and well cared for his whole life. 🖕🏻

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 11:36

And the rest of you having a pop at my early feeding choices can go fuck yourselves as well. He didn’t “want” anything. He was acting on instinct, he got a bottle, as do millions of babies, and was and is perfectly fine.

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 11:39

Exactly @itscallednickingbentcoppers

I am an incredibly intelligent highly qualified professional woman who was in my mid 30s at the time, and for anyone to declare “sadness” on behalf of my baby, especially when I’d explained my reasons for FF earlier in the thread is beyond the pale. I don’t know quite who some people think they are. Save your sadness for abused children, those born to arsehole parents etc, and not mine who frankly couldn’t have anyone better fighting his corner.

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 11:43

And for the record, I’ve never once suggested FM is as good as BM, nor would I, nor would I slate anyone for BF. I don’t trot out “Fed is best” as I think it’s just silly. I appreciate that in terms of infant nutrition it was not the optimal choice but there were other factors at play at the time other than my child having “the best” milk. His mum doing what she was best to maintain mental health for example.

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 11:44

*she felt was best

NeverGotMyPuppy · 08/07/2019 11:57

'Can go fuck yourselves'.

Lovely
And FWIW I haven't insinuated anything. I've said breast milk is better for babies than formula. If you choose to FF then clearly that's your prerogative. But you cant change that fact.

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 12:03

I literally just said that I agree that BM is better than FM so not sure who you’re arguing with on that point, but it isn’t me.

The “go fuck yourselves” comment was and is aimed at the patronising shits who felt “sad” that my much loved and well cared for baby was given a bottle a birth.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 08/07/2019 12:08

I was responding to an earlier poster?!

Jesus christ.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 12:11
Confused
NeverGotMyPuppy · 08/07/2019 12:13

@truthontrial was that aimed at me?!

@MrsMiggins37 sorry if I was unclear - I responded to 2 people in one post

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 12:18

Yeah it was unclear, thanks for clarifying

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 12:20

Confused at this exchange, not the strength of feeling, but the use of abusive language to other women.

TabbyMumz · 08/07/2019 12:20

"How is it patronising? A newborn baby wanted x and was denied it. I think that's quite sad."

I bet the baby was more than happy when it got instant milk out of that teat instead of struggling for milk that won't come!!!!

TabbyMumz · 08/07/2019 12:24

"Breastfed babies are the sickest babies i know".
Joking aside...I've found this too. My sister breastfed and her babies all got asthma, exema, you name it, they got it. My ff babies didn't.

jennymanara · 08/07/2019 12:25

I am always struck by how little some women think mothers matter. It doesn't matter if you are in agony, if your mental health is shot, if you are getting little sleep, all that matters is the baby.
I disagree. I think mothers matter too.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 12:26

TBD, babies are designed to work a breast for milk. Stimulation = breast milk.

They will often suckle also purely for comfort and reassurance, especially when ill or distressed, this makes for a good supply. They instinctively suckle a lot, and the suckling is supporting multiple beneficial outcomes.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 12:31

doesn't matter if you are in agony, if your mental health is shot, if you are getting little sleep, all that matters is the baby

It absolutely does matter. It's a balance.

Definitely in that balance needs to be ample support for DMs who are often let adrift with this!

There is no reason women should be sleep deprived unless they have a baby in absolute isolation. It is not acceptable that so many are so severely sleep deprived which impacts on mental well-being and the family.

Can we have some evidence of this anecdotal phenomena?

I can equally say it didn't happen around me, and others have said, but that is meaningless.

Are you saying breast milk is bad for babies? Please show us where? Or it didn't happen

NeverGotMyPuppy · 08/07/2019 12:31

@jennymanara no one has said they dont.

jennymanara · 08/07/2019 12:34

Really no one has said they don't? This thread is full of mothers saying why they formula fed because breastfeeding made their life too hard. And some posters have told them they should have just continued breastfeeding.

jennymanara · 08/07/2019 12:35

@TruthOnTrial I know you have posted about how you got more sleep breastfeeding. Other mothers have posted here saying that constant cluster feeding meant they got little sleep, so they switched to formula.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 12:43

I wasn't exempt from cluster feeding either.

..and, yes, I know they have, I have read them...

There are lots of conflicting points in pp, what do you mean?