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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 07/07/2019 22:39

MonkeyTrap

Thank you!!!!

Parker231 · 07/07/2019 22:40

@poopypants - they aren’t weird reasons - they were my good reasons not to bf (or mixed). My baby = my choice.

MarthasGinYard · 07/07/2019 22:44

'Sheesh. Weird reasons.'

Why on earth are they 'weird'

They are HER reasons

Perfectly understandable and valid.

madcatladyforever · 07/07/2019 22:48

Because of teenage sexual abuse. I can't bear anyone including babies to touch my breasts.

Benes · 07/07/2019 22:52

BF babies are the sickest babies I know

I really dislike anecdotes but in my experience this rings true as well. 🤷

Vulpine · 07/07/2019 22:59

Not my experience by a long shot. I thought bf babies had less allergies and food intolerances. Certainly true of all my kids.

Vulpine · 07/07/2019 23:00

And less obesity

AliTheMinx · 07/07/2019 23:01

I never wanted to breastfeed. My mum wasn't breastfed and nor was I. My cousin never breastfed and it just wasn't ever something I wanted to do. When I was pregnant I did so much reading/watched lots of baby programmes, and I still didn't feel any desire to breastfeed. Not for any vanity reasons - simply because I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable breastfeeding. For me there are so many benefits to bottle-feeding - knowing how much milk is taken, being able to share the feeding. It just made sense for us as a family and worked well. Do I regret not breastfeeding? No. Do I get annoyed by the constant cries from the Breastapo labelling any mums who don't breastfeed 'selfish'? Absolutely... Fed is best. Mums should support each other, not judge the choices of others. I applaud those who breastfeed, but it is not for everyone.

fancynancyclancy · 07/07/2019 23:11

What I never understand about these threads is that personally I don’t care how you fed your child however can we not go down the route of criticising bf? It was right for me to introduce formula at 4 months & combination feed until approx 6m. I’m secure enough in that decision that I’m not going to deny it would have been better if I could have done it for longer.

fancynancyclancy · 07/07/2019 23:15

I do think support is important, my mum, mil, aunties etc bf as did my friends & it’s normal to see in cafes etc where I live so to me I never considered not trying it & I knew it would be hard initially. I did pump a few times a week (I hired a very expensive pump which only took 10 mins) so that dh could do feeds, etc.

mumtomaxwell · 07/07/2019 23:48

It repulsed me. That’s why!

LettuceP · 08/07/2019 00:20

Can't believe this thread is still going. And can't believe people are still posting things like So - why wouldn't u even try? 🙄 read the thread mate. Plenty of people have answered this question so why is it still being asked?

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 01:23

When I had my 2nd I just put him on bottles right away, I did feel slightly bad when he was just born and rooting for the breast and I stuck a teat in his gob lol but it was all fine

Next morning though I was sitting feeding him, MWs didn’t need to help me with anything as I’d done it all only 2 years before, and the MW came in and pulled the curtain across another woman’s bed to help with feeding and I heard her saying “so just tickle his nose with your nipple” and had a flashback to the sheer hell and thought “FUCK THAT!”

edgeofheaven · 08/07/2019 02:05

No matter how you chose to feed you baby...

To argue that a processed corporate product made from cow's milk is the same as something your body makes specifically for your baby, is completely absurd.

Formula is fine but it's not as good as breast milk, it never will be in a million years of technology they will not be able to make a personally adaptive product for each child.

I hate how people feel the only way they can justify FF is to disparage breast milk. It's not scientifically correct no matter how you personally feel.

Lookingatthestars89 · 08/07/2019 02:05

I have had four children - two were breastfed and two werent. The first one just wasn't interested in breastfeeding and the last one I wasn't able to because I'm on blood thinners and heart medication.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 02:36

Now women who bf are being labelled similar to nazi!!

Who's going too far here???

How ironic the complaints in one breath and saying that in the next.

How is pregnancy/birth and bf anything to do with vanity? This is about the health of a baby (and DM).

Those who are repulsed by bf, are you repulsed by taking a shit?

Where does that come from feeling sick and repulsed by doing something so natural. How did we get to this?

I do understand completely that a lot of pregnancy birth and breast issues result from abuse, and im.not talking about that.

There was one pp that said selfish. That's not the majority on here.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 02:40

Breast milk has, anecdotally, been linked by a pp that it caused allergies/asthma.
Saying that bf is full of heavy metals. If this is truly her belief what was she doing getting pregnant?

The abuse is being hurled from the FF and is out of order, when bf shave worked hard to follow the world health organisation advice for the best benefit to our babies.

edgeofheaven · 08/07/2019 02:53

I also wonder how many wonderful heavy metals breastfeeding mothers pass on to their infants in urban places.

www.consumerreports.org/food-safety/heavy-metals-in-baby-food/

There are heavy metals in loads of baby food items so good luck thinking if you don't BF you'll avoid them.

justilou1 · 08/07/2019 03:01

@Passthecherrycoke
When I was crying and trying to BF my twins to no avail day 5 post birth, the lactation consultant said that my boobs were the wrong shape for someone who had just given birth. She asked questions about my mother’s pregnancy with me, and confirmed that mother chain-smoked during it, performed an ultrasound of my boobs and confirmed that I have almost no milk ducts in either boob (explains lack of breast growth in pregnancy and no feeing of letdown, and would have been lovely to know with first baby!). It’s quite a common result of DNA damage from smoking during pregnancy that nobody tells you about. So yes, it DOES happen actually.

TruthOnTrial · 08/07/2019 03:05

That's so upsetting to hear. Like you say, so common yet unknown!

All it takes is an ultrasound to prevent all this struggle and upset.

Whoever had their breasts checked before launching into bf expecting the best?!

MintyT · 08/07/2019 06:16

Someone I follow on instagram who has 3 children posted once and it stuck with me that she had breastfed the 1st tube fed the 2nd and bottle fed the 3rd - the main thing is they were Feeding and thriving- I didn't breastfeed my 1st has had to go back to work when he was 12 weeks didn't feed the 2nd as it felt wrong to as I didn't the 1st. Didn't the 3rd as I was to busy with the 1st 2 - they are all grown up and fine

NeverGotMyPuppy · 08/07/2019 06:49

Obviously it is very womans choice. But @poopypants is right- lots of those reasons may never have happened or would have been nullified by mixed feeding.
If I posted that I didnt want to drive because I didnt want to be in a car accident, posters would be at pains to explain to me why my reasoning was flawed. Obviously it would still be my choice. That's why this thread is still going.

It would take a lot for me to put chemicals in to my tiny baby's body. Though actually makes me feel a but queasy. We have got this so wrong in the UK its actually embarrassing.

wheresmymojo · 08/07/2019 07:07

I haven't had DC yet as TTC but I'll need to either do combo feeding or FF as I have bipolar disorder and one of the worst things for it is disturbed sleep patterns.

I'm going to need DH to be able to take over feeding sometimes so I can sleep and try to stay sane!

Parker231 · 08/07/2019 07:15

There is nothing wrong in parents decided on ff over bf or mixed. It is 100% their choice. The only change which should happen in the UK is for more accurate information and help to be provided for whichever method someone chooses for feeding their baby.

AliciaMayEmory · 08/07/2019 07:15

I totally support choice in bf/ff. We all do our best and what we can in those first few weeks and months. What makes me mad is my friend's husband who told her not to breast feed as her breasts were 'for him'.