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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has issues with me being vegetarian while pregnant - AIBU?

180 replies

veggiemummyof4 · 05/07/2019 11:10

I'm pregnant with my first baby (my username refers to my 4 kitties). I've been vegetarian since I was 8 - I'm 26 now, that's 18 years. I'd like to make it clear that I've never lacked in protein (eat lots of beans, tofu, nuts, cheese, quorn) or iron etc - I have regular blood tests since I'm type 1 diabetic (diagnosed for 10 years) which confirms this and have never had to take any supplements, not that there's any shame in doing so. My periods also started at 14 and I haven't missed one since.

DH is not vegetarian and I really don't have a problem with this - it's his decision after all. I'm not preachy at all, and he can eat it in the house (as long as I don't cook it as I gave my brother such terrible food poisoning that he ended up in hospital when I tried to make him a spag bol once Blush)

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to. I will support them whatever.

DH is trying his best to persuade me to eat some meat / fish "for our baby's health" he is worried that I'm not getting enough nutrients for the baby to be healthy and grow properly. He is reading me horror stories of vegan babies who have died.

It's scaring me but why should it? Other than my diabetes which has fuck all to do with it, as confirmed by my consultant I have had no health problems in 18 years. I'm refusing to introduce meat / fish, AIBU?

I rang up my mum and all she had to say was "He's just concerned [redacted]. Be grateful, your dad wasn't even around"

Angry Angry Angry

Am I being a difficult bitch?

Identifying information edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
Oldraver · 05/07/2019 11:13

You're not being difficult of ungrateful. If you have no problems from not eating meat then you should carry on as you are.

Bambamber · 05/07/2019 11:13

He doesn't get to decide what you eat, you are not just a vessel for his baby. I'm sure if you raise the concerns with your midwife they will be able to put your mind at ease

Doriana · 05/07/2019 11:17

TBH I would be concerned in his shoes too. You can't deny that there are many examples of vegetarians whose diets do lack nutrients and whilst they may be able to carry on under normal circumstances, growing a baby does make heavy calls on your system.

That does not mean you have to eat meat or fish, but I think it would be very reasonable for you to do some reading specifically around vegetarianism in pregnancy and be able to demonstrate to your H that your diet meets all the gold standard requirements.

Elphabaisnotwicked · 05/07/2019 11:21

He knew you were vegetarian before you were pregnant, and regardless he has no right to try to force you to eat anything you don’t want to eat!

ShartGoblin · 05/07/2019 11:21

If you have been a vegetarian for that long then your body won't be used to it and it will probably make you vomit a lot. I've been vegetarian for about the same amount of time as you and meat makes me really unwell, it will not have a positive effect on your body or your baby if your body isn't used to it.

He needs to accept your own judgements on your body. He also needs to understand that vegetarians and vegans are entirely different things and that all of the nutrients you can get from meat can be found other ways.

It is absolutely a good thing that he cares but that doesn't mean it's ok to tell you what to do with your body. Unless your doctor is telling you that not eating meat is causing health issues then you have no need to worry. Just make sure you're getting enough of what you need from other sources (as I'm sure you are already anyway)

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 05/07/2019 11:23

You can be perfectly healthy and have perfectly healthy children while eating a vegetarian diet! He needs to read up a bit. And to respect your choices.

MaMaMaMySharona · 05/07/2019 11:23

I'm pretty sure vegetarian/vegan mothers give birth to babies every single day so he really doesn't need to worry.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 05/07/2019 11:24

From what you said about cooking for your brother im not sure you should be introducing home made spag bol into your diet!!

I looked this up and it's generally recommended not to be on restrictive diets while pregnant. If you're worried then talk to the midwife.

Regardless, it's totally not his decision to make, and there's a massive difference between being vegan and being a nutritionally aware vegetarian with regular health checks!

Tell him if he wants to decide he carries the baby.

starflake · 05/07/2019 11:24

@Doriana what utter bollocks! I know plenty of meat eaters who's diet "lack nutrients" also.

OP I'm also vegetarian & 15 weeks pregnant, my doctor has already told me I don't need to alter my diet in any way as I'm probably healthier than most pregnant women because I'm vegetarian. I also get bloods regularly as I've a autoimmune disorder & I've never lacked any nutrients in my bloods.

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 05/07/2019 11:25

I'm not vegetarian but I think as long as you're very careful to get enough protein for your baby's developing brain etc then you should be fine. As someone who was extremely nauseous while pregnant with twins and really couldn't eat a full healthy diet I know that babies will get their nutrients from your body's stores, even if it takes it toll on you! I ended up feeling half dead, with hair falling out but they still thrived!!!

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 05/07/2019 11:25

Just to add, I'm not as in favour of bringing up a baby as vegetarian!

freshasthebrightbluesky · 05/07/2019 11:25

I was a vegetarian when I was pregnant both times and both babies were fine. It's perfectly possible to get everything you need without eating meat. Ask your mw for confirmation of this to show him. Agree with the above that you're more than a baby-growing machine and you have final say over what you put into your body.

BowiesJumper · 05/07/2019 11:25

I'm vegetarian and it has never been raised as an issue or problem during either of my pregnancies by any medical professionals.

Like you, I get all the nutrients I need and eat enough protein etc. And I take the pre-natal vitamins that most people take. You won't be lacking in anything if you do the same. To be honest, I'd be ill if I ate meat, and surely that's more harmful for the baby?

Good luck!

pelirocco123 · 05/07/2019 11:26

of course you arent being unreasonable , as long as you eat a varied diet you will be more than fine , its very difficult to not get enough protein in your diet especially as you eat dairy and eggs . There any many meat eaters out there who have appalling diets and are lacking in basic nutrients
Shock horror even vegans are able to survive !
There is no reason in this world that anyone needs to eat meat to survive

@ Doriana , sorry but you really need to educate yourself on what constitutes a healthy diet

Lastbustowhitehawk · 05/07/2019 11:27

Of course he's being unreasonable, it sounds like you have a far more balanced diet than plenty of meat eaters! FWIW I'm veggie and felt an overwhelming urge to eat fish when I was pregnant so I did, I interpreted it as my body telling me I needed certain nutrients. Not at all saying you should do the same, just carry on listening to your body - you know yourself best and your partner should understand that.

EL8888 · 05/07/2019 11:27

Your choice. It sounds like nutritionally you are getting all the right stuff and there are no deficiencies. My friends Mum had 3 children and has never eaten meat in her life. He needs to relax a bit

justaminiit · 05/07/2019 11:27

F*ck that. You should tell him you're concerned about the amount of animals dying for his tastebuds. I've had a very healthy vegan pregnancy and am now having another. He needs to educate himself and that is not on you. Putting dead things in your body is bad for the soul of your new life anyway. Not his body not his choice.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/07/2019 11:27

He is VU. Sounds like you have a healthy, balanced diet. And you are an adult who can make her own decisions.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 05/07/2019 11:28

It's perfectly healthy. He needs to educate himself.

PhantomErik · 05/07/2019 11:28

I've been vegetarian since birth & went dairy free in 2000.

I've had 3 healthy babies & breastfed all of them til approx 9 - 11 months each.

My mum decided to go vegetarian age 13 & also went on the have 3 healthy babies, she also breastfed all of us between 1-2 years each. As adults we are all still vegetarian/vegan.

I now have 3 children (10, 9 & 7 yrs) & all have been raised vegetarian & I'm pretty certain they will remain so (but won't hold them to it).

Damntheman · 05/07/2019 11:28

If your doctor/midwife has no concerns about your diet then your DP needs to butt out. He doesn't get to suddenly decide things for you because you're pregnant.

And as PP said, you've been veggie for so long now that meat would probably make you ill at this stage!

geekone · 05/07/2019 11:28

Have a look at specific nutrition for pregnant vegetarians, you definitely don’t have to change your diet. www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/how-have-healthy-vegetarian-pregnancy

However YABU forcing your child to be vegetarian, children need a wide range of taste and texture from a very young age, if not it can make them fussy eaters.
vegetarian or vegan diets can also be very high in fibre. This can mean your child feels full up before they have taken in enough calories and nutrients and also can give them poop issues.

Just a thought OP.

PhantomErik · 05/07/2019 11:30

Sorry for repeating myself a bit - took a phone call in the middle lol Smile

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 05/07/2019 11:31

Plus it’s not unusual for pregnant women to go right off meat, even if they’re not vegetarian to begin with. If you want to set his mind at rest though you could maybe ask the midwife together?

JoJoSM2 · 05/07/2019 11:32

You husband is being really dim.

A diet can be healthy or unhealthy regardless of eating or not eating meat.

One supplement I would recommend, though, is the veggie DHA&EPA made from algae. They’re important things for brain development in babies and veggie diets tend to be lower in them.