DH has issues with me being vegetarian while pregnant - AIBU?

[veggiemummyof4]

I'm pregnant with my first baby (my username refers to my 4 kitties). I've been vegetarian since I was 8 - I'm 26 now, that's 18 years. I'd like to make it clear that I've never lacked in protein (eat lots of beans, tofu, nuts, cheese, quorn) or iron etc - I have regular blood tests since I'm type 1 diabetic (diagnosed for 10 years) which confirms this and have never had to take any supplements, not that there's any shame in doing so. My periods also started at 14 and I haven't missed one since.

DH is not vegetarian and I really don't have a problem with this - it's his decision after all. I'm not preachy at all, and he can eat it in the house (as long as I don't cook it as I gave my brother such terrible food poisoning that he ended up in hospital when I tried to make him a spag bol once )

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to. I will support them whatever.

DH is trying his best to persuade me to eat some meat / fish "for our baby's health" he is worried that I'm not getting enough nutrients for the baby to be healthy and grow properly. He is reading me horror stories of vegan babies who have died.

It's scaring me but why should it? Other than my diabetes which has fuck all to do with it, as confirmed by my consultant I have had no health problems in 18 years. I'm refusing to introduce meat / fish, AIBU?

I rang up my mum and all she had to say was "He's just concerned [redacted]. Be grateful, your dad wasn't even around"

Am I being a difficult bitch?

Identifying information edited by MNHQ

vegan and vegetarianism is very different.id agree slightly with vegan as it does put some stoppers on some major healthy groups for baies.and youd just have to be mindful of what you need.
and some veggies can lack.but that is when they dont eat the substitues like you with your beans and pules etc.talk it through with him.

id also allow myself to cook meat for the kiddies.as i cant imagine not giving them the odd nugget or fish fingers!

Has he confirmed he is happy to raise the baby vegetarian? If so, what additional elements do they need from you in pregnancy?

I would just make sure that you’re getting enough B12 in your diet specifically, since that’s so key and can be a struggle with a vegetarian diet. Just make sure you’re getting dairy products / eggs in there, and if not make sure you have fortified foods like cereals / fortified non-dairy milk.

I found out after I had my twins that I was deficient in b12 and vitamin D - they both have ASD and there are some studies suggesting a potential link with ASD and maternal nutritional deficiencies. It wouldn’t be the entire cause but may be a factor. We know that folate deficiency can cause neural tube defects and I suspect over time we will find out that other deficiencies can cause other issues, so I would just be sure you’re getting enough, and taking a supplement to be safe.

He married you and has decided to have child(ren) with you knowing full well you are a vegetarian. He is completely unreasonable to be reading you horror stories and essentially trying to bully/scare you into eating meat.

These issues should have been discussed, if indeed it was an issue for him, before you decided to have a baby together.

Tell him to stop. YOu are no longer willing to engage on this topic with him.

If you are lacto-ovo veggie, you’re probably covered for B12 anyway. A supplement won’t hurt but it isn’t panic stations.

I’ve had two vegetarian pregnancies, no issues in either. Western diets contain a complete surplus of protein as it is, so that’s not a problem. If you need an iron top up, which if you do is likely just luck rather than vegetarianism, spa tone is decent.

He's being a knob. Nip it in the bud.

I think his behaviour/attitude is odd. Vegetarianism is hardly a radical or unusual way to eat, and you sound very on top of your own health and wellbeing.

If you only ate raw vegan food and were also allergic to nuts and spinach he might have a point, but common or garden vegetarian, not so much.

Re bringing child up as vegetarian, though I think you need to come to agreement with OH, so long as they are as respectful of your position as you of theirs. I'm vegetarian but OH is not. Our kids began as omnivore but one has been vegetarian since age 8, the others are omni. One set of vegetarian friends took same approach 2 of 3 are now vegetarian in early teens. Other vegan and vegetarian friends have taken the opposite approach with children raised vegan/veggie on the basis that they feel that gives the child the best chance to decide, rather than feeding them meat without their informed consent. The health concerns about vegetarian children and picky eating mentioned here are entirely spurious and reactionary!

I've been vegetarian since I was 13, and didn't eat meat/fish during pregnancy. I've had the odd day where my iron levels have been low (post-periods) but nothing serious (later tests have shown normal levels).
My sibling has never been vegetarian and is anaemic.
So I'm going to say YANBU.

I was lacking in far more nutrients as a meat eater than as a vegetarian, so I don't understand what the fuss is about. If you eat the right foods, or take supplements if necessary, you're fine.

He knew you were vegetarian before he decided to marry and procreate with you, no idea why this is suddenly an issue to him now!

Of course you can have a healthy pregnancy as a vegetarian, if not healthier compared to some meat eaters eating junk food throughout. You will be fine without it, as will your baby. He’s causing unnecessary stress which definitely isn’t good for your baby!

I been vegetarian since I was 7 and also thru my pregnancy

I did end up severely anemic, had to get blood transfusions, which the doctors blamed on me being vegetarian

I think however that it was because as they couldn't get my bloods until late in the pregnancy , they couldn't prescribe me iron supplements, and therefore I became anemic, as even non vegetarian people have iron supplements when pregnant, its very normal.

So as long as your bloods are checked, they can provide you iron tablets if your low, and there no issue.

Definetly DONT feel pressured by partner to eat meat because its only your decision , and the midwives will be checking your blood nutrition levels anyway

My doctor is a lifelong vegetarian and has had two perfectly healthy babies, so I assume it's fine! Lots of omnivores have shitty diets, thinking about what you eat in pregnancy is a good idea everyone. If your midwife is happy and your diabetes is under control then it's fine. Don't most pregnant women take a vitamin supplement anyway?

Absolute nonsense from him and personally I wouldn't like a partner of mine to try and control me in that way.You're aware of what you eat in a way that many people aren't and you should be enjoying your pregnancy not being made to feel guilty.Take him to IKEA and get him some furniture to build or some positive way to prepare for the baby.

He has concerns so it would probably help if you could both speak to someone medical about it to allay his fears.

I wouldn't recommend raising your child as a vegetarian, yes I know lots of people do, but you shouldn't make this choice for your child esp if your DH is not vegetarian.

This is where you should / could compromise.

I am vegetarian and remained so during both of my pregnancies as was my niece. Our children are now in their 20s and are all healthy and fine, so go with your own feelings and good food knowledge.

He’s being unreasonable.

I am vegetarian most of my life too ...my DS was completely fine & healthy. Do not worry at all

What you put into your own body (or not as the case may be) is your choice, but I don't agree with bringing your child to be up as a vegetarian. They should be allowed have the choice just as much as you should.

You need to make sure you're getting iodine, omega three oils (dha/dhea whichever one it is etc) and more fatty acids and vitamin D.

That would be my only concern, OP. Babies use the oils to build their brains and if you want to give them the best start in life (and a probable higher iq) I would at least look in to supplements for them if you can't face eating the fish.

And you are b vvv unreasonable to raise a child as a vegetarian. You do not make that choice for them.

Sorry but it’s your DH that needs educating....not you!
If he read up about Omega 3/6 etc, he’d know that you’d get a lot more by eating chia seeds and that fish only contain omegas because of what they eat....not because they naturally contain it. You can just eat the algae/seaweed they eat and be fine.....missing out the non-veggie middle man.

Your DH is maybe just worrying as he doesn’t realise all the stuff you eat makes up for the lack of meat. I’d just print out the facts and hand them to him. You and baby are perfectly healthy being veggie.

I wouldn't recommend raising your child as a vegetarian, yes I know lots of people do, but you shouldn't make this choice for your child esp if your DH is not vegetarian.

Every choice you make as a parent is making a choice for your child. Two of my siblings who were brought up vegetarian chose to eat meat when they got older, they don’t wish they’d eaten meat as children.

OP you’re fine. My grandmother tried to trick me into eating fish once during my pregnancy and she made me so ill.

But it never even occurred to DH to ask me to eat meat when I was pregnant. I did become anaemic but that was because of a flare of a condition I have during the third trimester.

If you’re having regular blood tests then it will flag anything quickly enough and you’ll be able to treat that, in a way that fits with you.

Quite frankly, ignore him.

Ha I'm vegetarian, have been for 30 years, I am extremely healthy, just as or probably even healthier than a meat eater. Your DH needs to educate himself.

Its not up to him. He knew you were a vegetarian before. As long as you are covering your food groups, there is nothing you will benefit from from eating chicken nuggets or a burger

Well she can take some B12 supplements then RockinHippy (though pretty sure that you're making a bit of a sweeping generalisation about Indian vs. European food standards there). She still doesn't need to eat meat.

I've already suggested a supplement Blame, at no point have a said she needs to eat meat, just supplement what is missing, though unfortunately due to her diabetes, B12 injections might be safer over pills to make sure she gets enough "active" B12

Apparently B12 is a bacteria, so the overly sterile growing & packing conditions we are used to here in the west, does affect B12 availability in veg, so supplementing B12 is always recommended.

The nature of pregnancy eats we don't eat as much vegetarian friendly B12 foods as we need,a lot of dairy is considered no go & speaking from experience, nausea puts you off those foods anyway

& I wish to god that someone had bothered to give me that information when I was pregnant & vegetarian. My daughter wouldn't have wasted 2 years of her life in a wheelchair,nor have ongoing health problems as bad as she has & I wouldn't have been misdiagnosed as having ME & Fibromyalgia after she was born.

Far better to listen & take the supplements, than presume your version is correct, when even the vegan society says otherwise 🤷‍♀️