DH has issues with me being vegetarian while pregnant - AIBU?

[veggiemummyof4]

I'm pregnant with my first baby (my username refers to my 4 kitties). I've been vegetarian since I was 8 - I'm 26 now, that's 18 years. I'd like to make it clear that I've never lacked in protein (eat lots of beans, tofu, nuts, cheese, quorn) or iron etc - I have regular blood tests since I'm type 1 diabetic (diagnosed for 10 years) which confirms this and have never had to take any supplements, not that there's any shame in doing so. My periods also started at 14 and I haven't missed one since.

DH is not vegetarian and I really don't have a problem with this - it's his decision after all. I'm not preachy at all, and he can eat it in the house (as long as I don't cook it as I gave my brother such terrible food poisoning that he ended up in hospital when I tried to make him a spag bol once )

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to. I will support them whatever.

DH is trying his best to persuade me to eat some meat / fish "for our baby's health" he is worried that I'm not getting enough nutrients for the baby to be healthy and grow properly. He is reading me horror stories of vegan babies who have died.

It's scaring me but why should it? Other than my diabetes which has fuck all to do with it, as confirmed by my consultant I have had no health problems in 18 years. I'm refusing to introduce meat / fish, AIBU?

I rang up my mum and all she had to say was "He's just concerned [redacted]. Be grateful, your dad wasn't even around"

Am I being a difficult bitch?

Identifying information edited by MNHQ

Load of bollocks. As long as you are eating a balanced diet there is no issue. A lot of meat eaters don't have a balanced diet either. Being vegetarian is irrelevant.
I'm vegetarian myself and there is a mindset with some people that vegetarians are lacking in nutrients. Drives me mad! Also drove me mad when I was pregnant with some of DPs family suggesting I should eat meat/fish and trying to come up with "hilarious" comments about it.

You're absolutely not being unreasonable! Vegetarian and vegan diets are supported by scientific evidence for all stages and walks of life. Have you shown him any of the research indicating that a veggie diet is perfectly healthy?

Similar fo you, veggie for years before I got pregnant. DH was concerned, partly because two veggie female relations of his had flexed to eat fish while pg.

However, he listened fo me when I said I couldn't, and pointed out how healthy my diet was. I did compromise and took a pregnancy supplement that contained fish oil and was held in a gelatine capsule. I gagged on that daily but it did reassure him.

I think there's a balance to be struck. Add long as your and the baby's nutritional needs are being met, no-one had a right to tell you what to eat. But it is also his child, and I think it's hard sometimes for men because they really can't do much to support their child's development at this stage however much they want to. Which doesn't give them a right to dictate. I guess it depends whether it is coming from a place of wanting the absolute best for their child (and going about it badly) or wanting to control you (which is shit and needs kicking into touch).

@geekone

OP did not say she was forcing her child to be vegetarian - I think she may have made a typo.

All these people tutting at raising babies as vegetarian... You do realise that there are entire cultures which are vegetarian (approximately half a billion people in India alone) and I'm pretty sure they don't struggle with finding enough variety of texture and flavour. Most meat is all the same texture anyway

Your DH is talking bollocks. As a pp said, you're just as able to be nutritionally deficient whilst eating meat - in fact, most of the veggies I know eat a much more varied and interesting diet than the meat waters.

When I asked my doctor about being vegetarian and pregnant, he told me babies are 'parasites' when they're in the womb and will take everything they need from the mums body (in the nicest possible way) your diet sounds fine and if you are lacking in anything baby will take it and it'll be you that goes without 😂

For whats it's worth I'm a lifelong vegetarian (no meat, fish or eggs) and my son was born with a condition called Hypospadias, which involved him having surgery as a toddler and a 10 day stay in Alder Hey. He's absolutely fine now as a young adult I hasten to add.

There is a higher incidence of Hypospadias among vegetarian mothers and I was asked to take part in a clinical study to investigate why. There is a clear link to the maternal diet ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10619956

It's unlikely this will happen of course, and I'm not posting to alarm you, just to relate my own experience.

Far better to eat a well balanced veggie diet than make yourself stressed and/ or nauseous through eating stuff you don’t want to. I would tell him in no uncertain terms that thousands of babies are born to healthy vegetarian mothers and unless and until there is any medical issue you will carry on as you are. I also assume you’re taking a vitamin and folic acid in which case the chance of any vital nutrient not getting to the babybis virtually nil. I would also suggest buying your DP a veggie cook book and suggesting that he makes a nutritious veggie feast every night, or batch cooks at the weekend “for the health of our baby.” Joking aside if he is genuinely worried rather than just being a bit of a tit, speak to your midwife and if necessary get him to a midwife/ GP appointment but this really shouldn’t be necessary. Also keep an eye on your iron levels, particularly in late pregnancy (my vegan sister had low levels at one point).

I had both of my dc while vegetarian and they were/are fine.

I'm vegetarian. (also since childhood). Vegetarian all through pregnancy. I had a nearly 10lb health baby and my iron levels we're completely fine. I didn't much dairy either, but I did eat eggs (for vitamin B12 - sometimes that's a bit more tricky to get if vegan, although loads of foods are fortified with it. I was just being on the safe side). I know know plenty of pregnant vegans who's babies are fit and healthy.

Actually as a second thought what the hell does he think he's doing reading you stories of babies that have died? That's really stressful and upsetting to endure when you're not pregnant let alone when you are. Does he realise what effect stress has on a baby? He's being quite cruel to you actually even if he doesn't realise.

YANBU vegetarians do not need to eat meat and fish during pregnancy. I think these concerns often come from older generations, when vegetarianism was less common, but there will be no problem getting enough protein and other nutrients from a veggie diet.

I would also agree with raising your baby vegetarian. It is possible to get a full range of textures and tastes from veg food. I find it difficult to understand why people who themselves choose not to eat meat are expected to force it upon their children when they are too young to choose for themselves. My daughter is tall, strong and very rarely even gets a cold, she's never eaten meat. As soon as she was old enough to understand, I explained why I didn't eat meat, she has made the same choice for herself as she gets older.

My husband does eat meat, never really been an issue, although his problematic skin cleared up after he moved in with me, presumably because he ate a much more balanced diet as I cooked lot of vegetables for him to eat!

I don’t think him reading horror stories of ‘vegan’ babies dying is relevant:

1. are you intending the bring the baby up as vegan? No
2. did these babies die because they were given a vegan diet? No, the ones I can find died because they were just fed bread/potatoes/sunshine.

I have been veggie since I was 18. When I was expecting my first baby 15 years later I had the same concerns. I ate a chicken breast. I threw it up. I stopped eating meat again. A fortnight later I developed hyprremisis and barely ate a thing for 8 weeks!! That baby was absolutely fine (although loved meat!) and so is his younger sister. My second pg was entirely vegetarian.

He is reading me horror stories of vegan babies who have died

He can fuck off with that. Tell him to fucking stop.

I know you're not vegan, but a vegan friend of mine had a baby fairly recently. She was a bit concerned that the doctors might tell her she needed to eat animal products for health reasons, but they all said she had some of the best and healthiest test results they'd ever seen.

Yanbu OP, i've been vegetarian for life and have zero issues with health or getting the right nutrients! My son is also bought up veggie, and your DP should respect your wishes.

YANBU, but he is.
I don't eat meat either, and haven't for over 30 years. When I was pregnant my iron levels measured as high as a non-pregnant woman. I think that long-term vegetarians have a much better understanding of a healthy, balanced diet and are quite able to eat properly!

The “horror stories” of vegan babies who have died are babies who have been born and then not fed properly, not babies in utero of vegetarian mothers. If your husband can’t tell the difference @veggiemummyof4, I would be a bit worried if I were you.

Lots of pregnant women don’t have healthy diets. As a T1, you already have the edge on healthy eating, simply because you have to be more aware of your nutrition just to stay alive. Babies in the womb will take everything they need from you, sometimes at the expense of the mother’s health but very rarely to their own detriment.

I was sick a lot when I was pregnant with my oldest and I basically lived on toast and Diet Coke (my midwife did tell me to switch to caffeine free). I worried all the time about the baby but somehow he ended up over 8lb and as healthy as could be. Even women who are hospitalised with severe hyperemesis generally produce healthy full term babies.

Don't let any of this worry you. I've been vegan for 23 years, during which time I have had five children, including twins. All full term, healthy, good weights. Make sure you eat well, as you should regardless if veggie, vegan or mixed diet. Congratulations! Enjoy your baby!

Tell him to bugger off. I have been vegetarian for most of my life (since I was 12) and had my 2 babies in my 40's text book pregnancies - a little low on iron with number 2 but they got that sorted and isn't uncommon. Good birth weights 9lb 6 amd 7lb 12. Breastfed for first 6 months (produced loads of milk) and weaned them onto a mainly vegetarian diet. The rest of my family including DH are meat/fish eaters so when they cook they have what they are eating including meat and fish. When I cook it's veggie. They seem very healthy and are thriving.

It sounds like you know what a great veggie diet needs to be so carry on. There is a book on vegetarian pregnancy with some ideas on how to ensure balance. Maybe get a copy of that to help him understand it a bit more.

And congratulations

Your husband is being a knob. YANBU

You can read horror stories of meat eaters starving and malnourishing their babas too. Cherry picking stories means nothing.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my second child, and have been vegetarian for 17 years. No issues.

I'm not raising my child vegetarian, as DP isn't (but mostly doesn't eat meat at home because we eat the same things), and we decided DC would eat meat in similar circumstances (so, very rarely).

My mother was veggie when pregnant with my siblings and both have been raised vegetarian - no apparent health issues, and both very active and sports oriented.

I'm vegetarian and been through two pregnancies and breastfeeding with no health concerns. My two children are vegetarian and both above 90th centile for height.

Also a vegetarian and I have had two very healthy pregnancies and children. A partner can be supportive without trying to tell you what to do.

Dd does eat some meat though now she’s here, as her dad is a meat eater and he cooks when he’s doing the childcare. She’s at an age now though where she’s decided for herself she only likes chicken and fish fingers..