DH has issues with me being vegetarian while pregnant - AIBU?

[veggiemummyof4]

I'm pregnant with my first baby (my username refers to my 4 kitties). I've been vegetarian since I was 8 - I'm 26 now, that's 18 years. I'd like to make it clear that I've never lacked in protein (eat lots of beans, tofu, nuts, cheese, quorn) or iron etc - I have regular blood tests since I'm type 1 diabetic (diagnosed for 10 years) which confirms this and have never had to take any supplements, not that there's any shame in doing so. My periods also started at 14 and I haven't missed one since.

DH is not vegetarian and I really don't have a problem with this - it's his decision after all. I'm not preachy at all, and he can eat it in the house (as long as I don't cook it as I gave my brother such terrible food poisoning that he ended up in hospital when I tried to make him a spag bol once )

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to. I will support them whatever.

DH is trying his best to persuade me to eat some meat / fish "for our baby's health" he is worried that I'm not getting enough nutrients for the baby to be healthy and grow properly. He is reading me horror stories of vegan babies who have died.

It's scaring me but why should it? Other than my diabetes which has fuck all to do with it, as confirmed by my consultant I have had no health problems in 18 years. I'm refusing to introduce meat / fish, AIBU?

I rang up my mum and all she had to say was "He's just concerned [redacted]. Be grateful, your dad wasn't even around"

Am I being a difficult bitch?

Identifying information edited by MNHQ

It’s nice that his concerned.. I feel for some men, they don’t get to bond during pregnancy with a baby like we do especially if we have an attitude that his not carrying it so he doesn’t get a say. It’s sort of right, in the end it’s up to us women but it’s nice to let them think they have some impact.

In your case OP you sound like your very healthy.. i don’t know much about being vegetarian but I’m sure you have done your research.. Could he join you on a drs appointment so a professional can reassure him?

Oh and tell him what everyone told
Me when I fell pregnant.. Stay away from Google!

I was 99.99% vegan (I was taking non-vegan pregnancy supplements - they contained vit D derived from sheep's wool and possibly had honey to help with hayfever) with my pregnancy. She's been healthy before, during, and after birth.

Make sure you get enough B12 while breastfeeding, you can't pass on stored B12 to your baby, so they can die if you don't take supplements, eat fortified food, or eat animal products. I'm not sure about pregnancy and B12 nutrition, but B12 is a good supplement to take anyway, you can't overdose on it. I'd check this whether your veggie or not, some meat eaters don't get enough B12 apparently.

I eat fish now (no dairy or other meat) so I'd hope I'm not biased in my response??

As an aside, my child was vegan for the first year and a bit and eats animal products nowadays. I don't think it gave her any long-term problems, but it really wasn't great for her in terms of not eating enough calories (I also had an eating disorder being having her so was awful at cooking + her dad wasn't supportive during weaning so making her food was difficult enough) so she had more animal products introduced. I know super healthy vegan and vegetarian children though. Obviously, they shouldn't be veggie if it damages their health, but saying "forcing your child to be vegetarian" makes fussy eaters is not true, all the fussy eaters I know ate meat from an early age, I think I know one fussy vegetarian kid, but she was adopted so she possible ate meat as a young child or has other issues that make her fussy about food. I got forced to eat chicken as a child, that was disgusting.

Actually, unless you are supplementing high dose, good quality B12, he could well have a point & it will affect you AND baby, especially with NO used in birth with inactivates B12, speaking from experience here & neither DD not I have ever fully recovered

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to. I will support them whatever.

Please don't do it that way. If your baby ends up vegetarian, which is highly likely, they won't be happy about that at all. Maybe stick to fish. Salmon etc is very nutritious too. My daughter was brought up pescatarian & has now chosen to be vegetarian & is very proud that she has never knowingly eaten meat. She's very upset that someone once tricked her into eating meat & has said she's very glad that we didn't ever make her eat it.

Yep, tell him it works for about a bajillion mothers in India and around the world.

Oh & be extra careful with this as Pernicious Anaemia is linked to Diabetes, personally given that mid recommended going for a few private B12 injections, that way you're sure it's getting where it's needed

My sister was a vegetarian boarding on vegan when she carried her first, second one she ate so many bacon sandwiches it was amazing, just bacon that was all she craved, soon as she gave birth went back to being a vegetarian.

Just to also say she became a vegetarian because she didn't like the taste of meat.

Either it's scaring you or it isn't, either you're confident you're diet is healthy and sufficient or you're not. It sounds to me that you have doubts otherwise you'd be accepting your DH was coming from a concerned place and reassuring him. Perhaps take him to your next midwife appointment and then the midwife can reassure you both.

It's not at all clear (from your typos) whether you plan to bring your DC up vegetarian or not. But I'm a bit concerned about your preoccupation with food, eating and who controls your DC's diet. I wonder if it's that preoccupation that's concerning your DH because it can be a red flag for an eating disorder.

"Yep, tell him it works for about a bajillion mothers in India and around the world."

Blame, those mothers don't live in a clean obsessed society in the way we do. Their veg will have B12 in the soil the veg is grown in & it won't be cleaned off so thoroughly, unfortunately that's not the same as here & growing conditions are too sterile, meaning no B12

He's worried, but it has nothing to do with him. At least he cares!

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to.

I am not clear, so will you let your husband feed your child until the child is old enough to become vegetarian if he wishes?

HOW do you give food poisoning cooking spaghetti bol?!?

Title says it all. DH has issues with you being a vegetarian. He has the issues with it, not you. There is nothing much you can do.
I am a vegetarian too and would probably say '' I am alright thank you'' every time he brings the topic up. Eventually, he'll get bored, you'll have given birth to a healthy baby and all will be well again.

He’s being ridiculous and you need to tell him to stop trying to stress you out and bugger off. The baby is in your body, what you choose to eat is entirely your business. I’m vegetarian, have been all my life. I had a healthy pregnancy and am breastfeeding a baby who’s shooting up the charts for weight and height. DH eats some meat and has always been completely supportive of our different choices and all he ever does wrt good is to make me delicious tasty meals and tells me I’m doing an amazing job.

We’re also bringing her up vegetarian, it was good enough for me and is a perfectly healthy valid choice. It’s no more forcing lifestyle choices on a child than feeding them dead animals they don’t need.

He should absolutely stop now with the horror stories. In what world is it ok to frighten your pregnant wife?

Is there something he does that you can dig out horror stories about?

I had 2 perfectly great vegetarian pregnancies. Altghough with #2 for some reason right at the end i started dreaming about eating juicy steaks and Greek food. So i did. Which was also fine.
The result was 2 bouncing babies (3.5 and 3.8 kg each) and no issues with anything except a little jaundice with #2 which a day with her crib following the sunlight round the hospital room fixed at age 2 days.

Your mum is BU also. Grrrr.

YANBU in sticking to a vegetarian diet but it's not only mothers who are concerned about their baby's development. You could provide him with some reassurance by showing you have considered what extra demands pregnancy places on your body. You should be considering omega 3 fatty acids and B12 not simply protein and iron, although baby's are parasites so it's more for your benefit than theirs.

HWNBU to be more concerned about raising a young vegetarian child. Children do have different requirements to adults and it takes more planning to raise a healthy vegetarian child. Reading you stories of baby deaths is BVVU but he probably thinks its the only way you will pay attention. Show him you have put as much thought into that as you do into your own diet.

Your choice, OP! Some women have such severe HG that they manage to keep very little food down and their babies are fine. Are you taking pregnacare or similar? Would that help to set his mind at rest?

FFS there are thousands, if not millions of Indian women pregnant every day and many, many many of them will be vegetarian.

Is he suggesting that they are all mal-nourished and the children lacking?

And that it just one country of the world. Many people don't eat meat by culture, religion, cost.... You are not alone!

A vegetarian diet is perfectly fine when pregnant, as long as you’re getting all the nutrients you need. However

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to.

Have you made that decision with your husband? The way you say ‘my baby’ suggests that you have decided that singlehandedly - you are not the baby’s only parent here, that isn’t solely your choice.

@Doriana - TBH I would be concerned in his shoes too. You can't deny that there are many examples of vegetarians whose diets do lack nutrients and whilst they may be able to carry on under normal circumstances, growing a baby does make heavy calls on your system.

Equally, you can't deny that there are many examples of meat eaters whose diets lack nutrients. Interesting article here www.euractiv.com/section/agriculture-food/opinion/even-in-wealthy-nations-malnutrition-is-a-serious-public-health-problem/ on malnutrition in first world countries.

@geekone - However YABU forcing your child to be vegetarian, children need a wide range of taste and texture from a very young age, if not it can make them fussy eaters.

So eating meat and fish prevents fussy eating? Interesting opinion. How then do you explain all the fussy eating children who will only eat chicken nuggets and the like? Equally, do all meat eating children get pulses, for example, as part of their diet? Is the lack of pulses more or less likely than the lack of meat to lead to fussy eating?

Being veggie is hardly an alternative diet! Making sure you eat a balanced diet is the healthiest thing to do whether you're pregnant or not. My 1 yo won't eat meat at all, it's his own decision so that's fine by us, we're mostly veggie anyway (fish maybe once or twice a week for him, bit less for the adults!)

Well she can take some B12 supplements then RockinHippy (though pretty sure that you're making a bit of a sweeping generalisation about Indian vs. European food standards there). She still doesn't need to eat meat.

What a total twat.

He’s being unreasonable. You carry on as you are. Incorporating meat at this point would probably make you quite ill. I say this as a meat eater that was utterly disgusted by chicken in pregnancy. The only thing to be careful of is your protein and iron but a lot of the things the midwife recommended for me when I was anemic were things like dark Chocolate, apricots etc. If you have an issue you’ll be on tablets anyway as changes to diet did bugger all for my anaemia.

He is BVU. I became veggie 32 years ago and have been vegan since 2001 so was vegan when I had my 2 DC. I had textbook pregnancies and births with both and did extended bf. We're all as fit as fiddles. One of the midwives said she wished all her patients were as healthy and nutritionally-aware as me. Good luck with your pregnancy.

I am vegetarian and have been for the last thirty years.

I was completely vegetarian throughout both pregnancies and ever since, and the midwife would often comment how high my iron count was, if you notice a drop in iron just ensure you have multivitamins to include extra iron, you don't need to start eating meat!

My babies were born, and have been raised vegetarian both of them. When I stopped breast feeding I found a wonderful organic vegetarian milk formula that was so thick and creamy and wholesome.

My dh eats a lof of meat, and totally supported my decision to raise them as vegetarians on the understanding that once they were old enough to make up their own mind (11years old or so) they were free to choose. He saw the health benefits of raising veggie children.

So my dds grew up into the most athletic, strapping beautiful, healthy young people. They are healthy, slim and strong and are never ill, and both would be horrified to eat an animal. Having learnt for themselves the process of meat, the cruelty, neither could ever eat the flesh of an animal.

My dh gave them the other point of view, the taste of bacon etc, but they really did not want to compromise their ethics for a bacon sandwich.

My best advice, get a good cookery book for your little ones, enjoy exploring lots of food groups and create a love of vegetables early on. I always give them a vitamin every day. As do my meat eating friends.

And do not be bullied into ever eating meat, for the health of your child. How on earth can eating a dead rotting carcass be good for your unborn child. Eat lots of protein, nuts, seeds, super foods and be confident in your decision.

Speak to dh, it is actually better for your child to be vegetarian and not be pumped full of antibiotics, plastics, hormones and disease all the other seriously disgusting things like Mad Cow disease. If your dh wants to keep his child healthy choosing something without these things is a good place to start. Be confident op, as a mother you are the one that chooses what is right for your body and baby.

Maybe show him this report from the Lancet - www.google.ie/amp/s/time.com/5562994/diet-disease-mortality/%3famp=true.

It finds that poor diet is a major killer worldwide. An excerpt: the main problem we see is the low intake of healthy food,” rather than high intake of unhealthy food, Afshin says. Aside from over-eating sodium and trans fats, most of the top dietary risk factors were related to not eating enough nutritious foods, including whole grains, nuts and seeds, fruits, vegetables, polyunsaturated fats and legumes, Afshin says.

The missing foods tend to be prevalent in a balanced vegetarian diet.

Was vegetarian through my 3 pregnancies (vegan now). Never had an iron issue (made flapjacks with dried apricots, pumpkin and sunflower seeds), ate well. Had 3 9lb plus babies. Rose Eliot has a very old but good mother and baby book