DH has issues with me being vegetarian while pregnant - AIBU?

[veggiemummyof4]

I'm pregnant with my first baby (my username refers to my 4 kitties). I've been vegetarian since I was 8 - I'm 26 now, that's 18 years. I'd like to make it clear that I've never lacked in protein (eat lots of beans, tofu, nuts, cheese, quorn) or iron etc - I have regular blood tests since I'm type 1 diabetic (diagnosed for 10 years) which confirms this and have never had to take any supplements, not that there's any shame in doing so. My periods also started at 14 and I haven't missed one since.

DH is not vegetarian and I really don't have a problem with this - it's his decision after all. I'm not preachy at all, and he can eat it in the house (as long as I don't cook it as I gave my brother such terrible food poisoning that he ended up in hospital when I tried to make him a spag bol once )

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to. I will support them whatever.

DH is trying his best to persuade me to eat some meat / fish "for our baby's health" he is worried that I'm not getting enough nutrients for the baby to be healthy and grow properly. He is reading me horror stories of vegan babies who have died.

It's scaring me but why should it? Other than my diabetes which has fuck all to do with it, as confirmed by my consultant I have had no health problems in 18 years. I'm refusing to introduce meat / fish, AIBU?

I rang up my mum and all she had to say was "He's just concerned [redacted]. Be grateful, your dad wasn't even around"

Am I being a difficult bitch?

Identifying information edited by MNHQ

Another one...

And you are b vvv unreasonable to raise a child as a vegetarian. You do not make that choice for them.

Whatever you feed your child is your choice. OP doesn’t eat or prepare meat, she’ll probably be weaning the baby when it’s time, it’s perfectly healthy and reasonable to feed your child a vegetarian diet FGS.

And op, you’re definitely NOT being unreasonable raising your child veggie.

tallgreenbottle, that’s totally incorrect and so insensitive to say to a pregnant mother (or anyone).
She isn’t being unreasonable at all. You do not have to eat meat or fish to be healthy.

I have never met a man brave enough to tell a pregnant woman what to eat.

Your husband should be recommended for some kind of medal.

How come it's only you who gets a say in what diet the baby has?

Your baby will take all the nutrients it needs from your body, it sounds as though you are well nourished so there shouldn't be a problem. If there is a deficiency than it is likely to be you who ends up lacking as your baby's needs will be met first.

I would make sure your calcium intake is good, you don't want to lose teeth or bone density.

@Tallgreenbottle - And you are b vvv unreasonable to raise a child as a vegetarian. You do not make that choice for them.

How come it's unreasonable to make a choice to raise a child on a vegetarian diet but not unreasonable (presumably) to raise a child on a diet containing meat?

The only way to avoid making a choice regarding their diet is to feed them nothing, which I think we can all agree is a tad unreasonable.

Another lifelong vegetarian here who had two healthy pregnancies leading to healthy big babies, now aged 10 and 8. DH is a meat eater but often eats veggie meals with me, he would never have dreamt of trying to get me to eat meat because he's aware that vegetarianism is a healthy diet.

You do not make that choice for them.

This makes no sense.

Do you think it would be helpful if you both spoke to a doctor together about his concerns? Hopefully put his mind at rest?

30 years ago my mum had 2 babies (me and my sister) and she was vegetarian and we turned out ridiculously healthy. I was 8lbs3 and my sister 9lbs10 when we were born. We've had very few illnesses and those have been coughs and colds. Tell your husband you aren't just an incubator you are a human being with your own opinions, feelings and abilities to make your own decisions. And I'm saying this after being brought up vegetarian and then starting to eat meat at age 19.

Oh and this is what the NHS has to say about vegetarian pregnancies and vegetarian children.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/vegetarian-and-vegan-mums-to-be/

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/vegetarian-vegan-children/

I would just say ok I understand your concern, come along to my next midwife appointment with me and we can have a chat with her to put your mind at ease.

Been vege over 2/3 of my life - recently had a baby who is ridiculously plump, healthy, bright and active and has a fantastic love for foods and refuses very little. It was NEVER even mentioned to me, considering the amount of questioning you get through pregnancy if there was a real medical concern over a diet without meat they’d bloody well ask wouldn’t they.

Every single person thrusts their own beliefs onto their children, eating meat not eating meat, going to church, not going to church, eating dinner at the table, eating dinner in front of the tv.....you get my point.

For every horror story he tells you I would be returning one about the carcinogenic properties of many meat products

Thank you everyone! Made me feel so much better! I will give the websites a read and definitely have my midwife confirm.
For example I ate yesterday (bear in mind I'm type 1 diabetic):

• 3 weetabix + ss milk + pear
• Boiled egg + cereal bar
• Lentil soup + roll + babybel + apple
• Cashews and marmite rice cakes
• Quorn stir fry with rice and veg (soya beans included) + greek yoghurt with berries
• Toast with peanut butter

I realise it sounds very plain!

Exactly I am not an incubator!

Tallgreenbottle

You again. You do love to shit stir don’t you!

And you are b vvv unreasonable to raise a child as a vegetarian. You do not make that choice for them.

So who chooses what your child eats then? Don’t be a muppet of course parents get the choice huw & what to feed their children h TIL they’re old enough to make their own choices. Stop causing trouble for troubles sake

Have you tried showing your DH the NHS pages on vegetarian pregnancies OP?

That list of food for yesterday looks brill!
You don’t need to confirm anything....other than to your DH to tell him it’s all good and let him know he can chill

hey lady I'm not pregnant...I'm a old bag ...however please dont beat yourself up about what other people are thinking about u ...u sound to me a level headed person enjoy being pregnant..the next bit will come x

If he's worried then tell him to read up on nutrition and find out what specific nutrients you need more of in pregnancy. Then you can show him all the sources of those nutrients in your diet, and if necessary you can make adjustments. You know that this won't involve having to eat meat, and hopefully after this exercise he will also understand that.

To everyone saying he doesn't have a right to tell her what to eat - no, he can't tell her what to do, but he is the father of her baby and he the right to express concerns that he has. Babies are not the sole "property" of women. They have fathers who are also allowed to love them and care about them.

It is completely unreasonable to force a child to eat dead animals. And to think that it's completely unreasonable not to force a child a child to eat dead animals is crazy and you clearly haven't checked that logic. That's what I call brainwashing.

Sorry - I just realised there's a typo -

My baby will eat whatever their given - always vegetarian by me but they may eat meat at other people's houses.

They can then make the decision when they're old enough about their diet

I don't know how to convince your DH tht your baby will be perfectly healthy. I am speaking from experience, my little boy is a perfectly happy and healthy baby who is vegan and has been vegan since conception. I recommend you take a good pregnancy multivitamin like natures aid and some DHA supplements... I took spatone iron in the third trimester. He weighed 7lb10 when he was born. Hope this helps x

My baby will not be brought up eating meat unless they make the decision themselves not to. I will support them whatever.

A baby can't make a decision by itself therefore you are imposing your life style choices on it

If you were vegan I'd be agreeing with your DH but assuming your doctors are ok with it then it should be ok

by the same argument, itwasalovelydream - if you are imposing a meat eating diet you are also imposing your lifestyle choices on it. Large parts of the world are vegetarian and have been for thousands of years e.g. India - 42% of the population.

Another veggie here who had a healthy baby on 97th centile for height and weight. Breast fed for 10 months. She's now a strapping 12 year old nearly as tall as me

I had some comments when pregnant but read around the subject and was confident I was having a healthy diet for us both. The comments stopped when my big baby arrived