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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband trivial issue effecting marriage

162 replies

RockyRolly · 03/07/2019 22:10

Ok we have a toddler she is 2.5 years and we are at logger heads. I really want and need a holiday (bread winner, do all the admin at home but we equally share housework, cooking etc and both work full time) my husband just will not consider a foreign holiday saying he will find it really stressful the whole thing even the journey. But will happily consider and embark on a UK holiday even with a 5 hour drive - which I would find much more stressful than a 2 hour flight to spain. I've even looked into toddler friendly hotels with villas and our own gated pools etc but he wont hear of it. I've said I am really on my knees and need a proper break and I'm considering going on my own. He said I was being ridiculous and changed the subject.

We've been at this for weeks. He always says things are stressful and doesn't want to go to many places because "itll be busy" and other shit excuses but if its something he wants to do like bike shows hes there in a flash!!!!!

Really feeling like crap tonight need to know if IABU and suggestions of where to go etc if at all possible in the UK as a compromise or abroad if I can convince him - or go without him for a week!!

OP posts:
Dontcarewhatimdoing · 03/07/2019 22:12

Go without him. It doesn't sound like you'll get a proper break if he comes too anyway, so go, and enjoy it!

Redpostbox · 03/07/2019 22:12

Personally I agree with your husband.
Ideas of UK destinations
North Norfolk.
Anglesey.
Cornwall.

Original poster
RockyRolly · 03/07/2019 22:13

He would not let me book a trip just me and the toddler. No chance. He would just give in and go and sulk a bit and say "I told you so" if we were delayed but most of the time would enjoy it and have fun. So irritating.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 03/07/2019 22:13

YANBU at all, but then neither is he if he really does not want to go. I’d either a) take baby and go alone b) ask friends if they fancy a weekend away abroad. If you choose the latter I feel he will quickly change his tune! Good luck Wine

Original poster
RockyRolly · 03/07/2019 22:15

No friends or family that could/would come sadly due to lots of reasons

OP posts:
Excited101 · 03/07/2019 22:15

Has he always been like this about foreign holidays? Can’t you go on your own or with a friend?

mindutopia · 03/07/2019 22:15

Holidaying with a 2 year old is not relaxing. It’s often more stressful than being at home, wherever you go.

But it sounds like you need a break so take one. I take a holiday each year without my dh or dc (by ‘holiday’ I mean like 3 days away). It’s amazing.

Excited101 · 03/07/2019 22:16

He wouldn’t ‘let you’?? I’m sorry, what?!

CrisisCrunchie · 03/07/2019 22:16

Have you been out of the UK with him before?
If not, is it possible his has an issue with flying that he doesn’t want to admit to?

Pippa12 · 03/07/2019 22:16

FWIW I’ve taken my children away at least twice a year from being 6 month old, yes it’s a ‘different’ holiday from what your used to, but absolutely not anymore stressful than being in Wales etc in the pissing down rain with nothing to do except spend a fortune!

Original poster
RockyRolly · 03/07/2019 22:16

Holidays are not high on his list so it's always been a bit of a struggle - having a toddler is just another great reason not to go! In his eyes. Problem is he really needs a holiday too but he refuses to accept that even though hes obviously stressed a lot and people tell him he needs a holiday just by looking at him Confused

OP posts:
fedup21 · 03/07/2019 22:16

Go alone and leave him with the baby.

Janel85 · 03/07/2019 22:17

Center Parcs is always lovely, there’s something very relaxing about being in the Forest and having so much to do right there takes a lot of the stress out of it.

FlashingLights101 · 03/07/2019 22:17

What is it exactly he is opposed to about a foreign holiday? The flight? The distance? The heat? The cost? I'd try and pinpoint what it is exactly (rather than just 'it's stressful') and take it from there.

Has he been abroad before? Is he just worried about the unknown/the language?

justkeepsinging · 03/07/2019 22:17

You haven't explained why you would find a five hour drive more stresfful than a 2 hour flight to Spain. To my ears that sounds disinegeneous because continental flights often are at silly times, involve being there many hours before the actual flight, have additional transport issues attached in terms of getting to the airport UK side and then transfers the other side.

So I don't think you're comparing like with like.

If you're on your knees and need a break and he doesn't want to go abroad can't you book somewhere with board included in the UK and a pool as a compromise?

Sorry but I'm struggling to see your POV when it appears it's based on a false equivalence.

Alliumlove · 03/07/2019 22:21

It sounds like this is what you need. It was an absolute lifesaver for me when the DC were small www.luxuryfamilyhotels.co.uk/

BogglesGoggles · 03/07/2019 22:21

Tbh I think he’s right re what would be more stresssful. I just don’t understand why you are making a drama out of it. You want to go on a holiday. He wants to go on a holiday so long as it’s domestic. So just go,

Isatis · 03/07/2019 22:22

Why haven’t you just booked a UK holiday?

Alicecooperslovechild · 03/07/2019 22:25

Family friendly cruise? You get to go abroad but don't have to fly.

I was really sceptical at first (mainly because I assumed you had to be 60+ to enjoy it and join in with lots of activities which isn't my thing) but if you treat it as a floating hotel it's a really easy holiday.

Rtmhwales · 03/07/2019 22:26

Maybe the OP wants sun and sand, and not just the UK but 5 hours away.

I never think of going a few hours away in the UK a "holiday". Just seems like a weekend away.

What does your husband not like about foreign travel?

SiennaSienna · 03/07/2019 22:27

We travelled abroad from when ours were 6m old onwards. Of course it can be as relaxing (if not more) than a UK holiday, why not? More value for money too for sure. I’m with you OP and would insist.

Missingstreetlife · 03/07/2019 22:27

Get on a ferry, northern France is great. You can stop on the way, driving is easy.

Dragongirl10 · 03/07/2019 22:28

I had 2 under 2 so until the youngest was 7 we went to the med to a resort with a kids club. I came back like my old self.....

All morning they went to the club abd we relaxed, lunch together then they sometimes went back or went for a nap with me(and a good book) Perfect....sod the UK it could rain all week

TowelNumber42 · 03/07/2019 22:29

Hang on, you just gave the solution yourself. He can't bear to book holidays but loves them when he's there. If you say you are booking Spain for you and toddler then he will moan at first but will opt to come with you and will enjoy himself when there.

What exactly is the dilemma? Is him having a wee man sulk that awful to you that you'd argue for weeks and let yourself get into a state? Book it.

fikel · 03/07/2019 22:29

The Balearics are amazing for youngsters, first took my DD to Menorca when she was 5 months old. Choose daytime flights, a resort that doesn’t have a long transfer. Guaranteed beautiful weather. Warm shallow water for your toddler to paddle in. Can you join up with a friend if he doesn’t go?