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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s too early!

175 replies

Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 09:24

Aibu to really hate dropping my dp off to work at 7.15 am after having almost no sleep with a 11 month old baby 🤷‍♀️
Dp has a new job around 20 minutes drive away, we live in an area where no transport goes there at that time and he doesn’t drive at the moment.
I feel like crying after just a few hours sleep and then quickly putting baby into car and trying to stay awake in order to drive there..aibu to really hate it 🤷‍♀️
Are there any other soloutions? Are Uber’s super expensive?

OP posts:
GoldenFlaps · 03/07/2019 09:25

Why is he not driving 'at the moment'?

sneakypinky · 03/07/2019 09:27

Can't he cycle? I cycle 8 miles to work every day.

Mumofone1858 · 03/07/2019 09:27

I did this for about 6 months, had a mini break down and now husband cycles. Don't do it as you will wear yourself to the ground Flowers

EarlGreyofTwinnings · 03/07/2019 09:28

car share with a colleague?

EarlGreyofTwinnings · 03/07/2019 09:29

public transport as close as possible and then cycle?

RiftGibbon · 03/07/2019 09:31

Lift share with colleagues?
Cycle?
Look into the possibility of changing work hours to use public transport?
Is the driving thing temporary? A friend of mine made a mistake with medication, had a seizure and was not permitted to drive for a while.

If you're driving when tired, you're putting all of you at risk.
He needs to find a solution.

TheVanguardSix · 03/07/2019 09:32

Tell him to get a bike!
I’m the non-driver, so I cycle everywhere. It’s awesome. I can’t imagine ever driving again.

Though, having suggested cycling, has he ever driven? Because you do have to know the rules of the road and ride with the traffic. Nothing worse than a rogue cyclist who breaks all the rules.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 09:33

Long story but needs to re-take driving test.
The initial plan was to cycle (bought a new bike etc) but will take around 45 minutes I think 🤷‍♀️Not sure how many miles it is, will look it up.
Totally don’t mind the afternoon pick up, just this morning one 😩not sure it’s even that safe for me to drive after some of the nights I have.
Car share might be an option but he only started yesterday so is yet to see where people live etc..I’m doubting they’re close enough to us to come to the house tho 🤷‍♀️
These early, rushes starts mean big arguments on the way-I can see it coming.

OP posts:
WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 03/07/2019 09:33

If he has had licence removed for criminal reasons I wouldn't be giving him a lift anywhere, he can get a bike.

If his licence has been suspended for medical reasons, he should be eligible for a free public transport pass? Would that help?

adaline · 03/07/2019 09:34

Hmm, for me it depends on the circumstances. Why isn't he driving at the moment? Is it through illness or has he lost his license for dangerous driving?

The former would mean I'd be happy to help him out, the latter is his problem to solve!

brainfrying · 03/07/2019 09:34

He needs to pay for an uber this is completely unfair on you.

sneakypinky · 03/07/2019 09:35

Make him cycle.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 09:35

*Rushed

OP posts:
CloserIAm2Fine · 03/07/2019 09:35

Why doesn’t he drive? If he’d lost his license for drink or drugs I would be far less sympathetic and helpful than if he had a genuine reason.

Is him getting a bike and cycling an option

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 03/07/2019 09:35

I actually think the long story is very relevant for anyone to say YABU (sorry)

You certainly aren't BU to be too tired to drive though or not want to do it.

Could you compromise on cycling half the week and lifts the other half? I still think if it's bad behaviour not medical reasons he can definitely cycle every day.

MoltenMountain · 03/07/2019 09:36

Umm. It's summer, he should cycle. 45 mins is easily doable on a decent bike (DH cycles 1hr10 each way). But if he's not used to it he could cycle there and you pick him up with bike rack.
Or he cycles in. You pick him up. Next day, you drive him in and he cycles home. Then you have only half the trips to do.

b0bb1n · 03/07/2019 09:37

Cycling never takes as long as Google Maps estimates imo. Get him to cycle! When I was a kid our car broke down and for years my dad would cycle much longer than 45 mins to and from work every day! :)

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 09:37

We live abroad so needs to re-take for new license, not his fault and in the process of getting this sorted.
Do feel guilty in a way as he is the one going out to earn for us 🤷‍♀️Aren’t I being a little unreasonable not to help out by just driving him there? I just friggin hate it at that time 😩

OP posts:
WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 03/07/2019 09:37

I meant to say, I am someone who isn't allowed to drive (epilepsy) and I wouldn't dream of expecting my (also very tired) DH to drive me. I have a free travel pass and want to feel independent. Having said that he offers absolutely every single time and I do accept lifts if I feel I need it and he is up to it.

CloserIAm2Fine · 03/07/2019 09:37

Sorry x posted

If he’s lost his license through his own stupidity then I would absolutely be telling him to cycle. If it’s medical then I’d be more sympathetic.

But him cycling definitely seems like a sensible option. 45 minutes one way on the bike for him is not so much worse than a 40 minute round trip in the car for you while knackered.

adaline · 03/07/2019 09:38

Sorry, but he bought a bike and is still insisting on a lift? 45 minutes is nothing for a commute - he needs to use his bike and let you stay in bed!

Cheeky sod.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 03/07/2019 09:38

Criminal reasons then it’s his own issue to deal with.

If not then get a bike rack for the car, he can cycle there and then you can pick him up. Much easier to start cycling now than in winter.

loobyloo1234 · 03/07/2019 09:39

He must be able to get public transport some of the way OP? Then take his bike and cycle rest of the way

EarlGreyofTwinnings · 03/07/2019 09:41

Is there really no public transport that would cut down his cycling?
To be honest, there are some roads I would never use on a bike, but I wouldn't risk crashing my car with my baby inside either.

Both your responsibilities are for your baby first, and to keep him safe.

He shouldn't be shy to ask a colleague, especially if temporary - and you can offer to reciprocate on occasions. He could cycle to their property or something.

HeadSpin5 · 03/07/2019 09:41

So it’s only been one day? I wouldn’t particularly enjoy doing this either but you don’t know you’ll always be this tired forever. Once mat leave has finished a lot of women have to leave for work themselves at that time, on broken sleep. I also don’t get the ‘it’s his fault he lost licence so let him sort himself out’ approach. Again, it would doubly stick in my throat that his actions were causing this, but you are either a team or you’re not.