It’s too early!

[Sundancer77]

Aibu to really hate dropping my dp off to work at 7.15 am after having almost no sleep with a 11 month old baby 🤷‍♀️
Dp has a new job around 20 minutes drive away, we live in an area where no transport goes there at that time and he doesn’t drive at the moment.
I feel like crying after just a few hours sleep and then quickly putting baby into car and trying to stay awake in order to drive there..aibu to really hate it 🤷‍♀️
Are there any other soloutions? Are Uber’s super expensive?

If he has had licence removed for criminal reasons I wouldn't be giving him a lift anywhere, he can get a bike.

Oh yes, that’s a helpful attitude isn’t it? ‘Sorry love, I know you’re the only one earning at the moment, but it’s your own fault you can’t drive so don’t expect me to help’.

Yes, of course this is a pain in the arse for the OP. It might well be a pain in the arse for her husband that she isn’t earning. Sometimes you have to grit your teeth and pull together.

could he cycle to a bus stop (collapsible bike useful for bus journeys) not to far from you? ie nearer to a main route? check traveline website & see if there is one that services either near his work or nearer to you? ie cycle 10mins get bus for part of journey?

@DrVonPatak 🤷‍♀️
What??
He started yesterday, I’ve taken him twice, it isn’t much time to have taken him but I’m thinking for the longer term.
He’s trying to sort getting new license, it’s difficult as here you have to take a minimum of 30 lessons before being put in for your driving test (we don’t live in the uk) and that’s going to cost a lot of money.
In his old job he shared a lift with a friend and I’d pick up in the evening, this job has more money.
He bought the bike for this purpose abc has done the route a couple of times, it was long but ok, some days I can imagine being too tired to ride also..I’m not blaming him as I do think we need to be a team together..but I just really hate doing it and now have an overtired, crying baba on my hands.

How often does your baby wake up? Why time are you going to bed? I could understand with a newborn.ut unless your baby is waking up 2 or 3 times and awake for hours, it should be so bad thst you can't drive your OH to work. I agree that 7am is not very early.

I’ll think we’ll have to come up with a plan of cycle a couple of days per week, lift from me/Uber etc the other days..just have to find out cost for this!

What's the law on a moped with a provisional licence over there?
If not, he needs to cycle.

If you can afford to look at electric bikes (even hiring one) that can be a compromise - faster and less exertion than a standard bike.

I agree that if he took the job on the basis of him riding there then it is important this start soon, or you driving will become the default. A bike rack and you picking him up at the end of the day should soften the blow.

He can ride a bike but is too tired- well tell him you are too tired to drive safely after a broken night of sleep?

@swingofthings She badly teething at the moment so she’s waking upset through the night (we co-sleep) if it’s been an ok night, no problem, if it’s not..it’s hellish.
I go to bed 10 ish, can take until 9-10 to get her down to sleep at the moment and I try to have at least just one hour to relax/watch tv before another restless night and it all starts again.

I used to do a 45min cycle commute - it's oki in not bad weather, afternoons in summer are hot but doable if you make sure to drink enough.

When you take a job surely one of the things you look at is how you will get there?

How close is he to getting his driving licence? In the past I've hauled myself out of bed to drive 20 minutes to drop my DH at the station to get the first train at 04:54. It's exhausting

I was also going to suggest either cycling one way or to a public transport point. If he has to do the entire cycle ride, you could then collect him after work.

Have you checked the laws regarding small electric vehicles? In France for example if you were born before 1988 you can drive with no licence on a 50cc scooter. I get you aren’t in France. And as a foreigner he needs to be doubly sure he abides by the law, gets proper insurance etc.

*She’s

Can I also point out that 45 minutes is the same amount of time that it takes out of your morning to drive him there and drive home? That’s no time at all. I usually work to/from work, which takes me about 45 minutes and I really enjoy the time to myself.

I would drop off my DH at whatever time he needed to be at work to provide for his family. Surely when he comes home from work he can look after the baby for a while so you can rest?

So a 20 min drive and 20 mins back =40 mins is ok for you to do, twice a day but your dh can't cycle 45 mins?
I wouldn't do it unless the weather was really awful or I and the baby was already up.
I also agree with the cycle rack on the car, so you can do one way if necessary.

We definitely are a team and this is not about blame being put on him for not having a license..it’s just the time in the morning and the rushing around etc and waking baby up-it’s not ideal.
I also work part time in the late afternoons, private tutoring so am tired also and am bringing some money in (first time I haven’t worked full time in nearly 20 years)

He should help with the evenimgs settling her then and some of the nights at least when he doesn't work. Saying that, if it's a new job, it is quite stressful and important he makes a good impression, so maybe a balance of everything. Teething won't last forever.

What about an e-bike?

@WingingItOverHere It not about how much time is taken out of my day..it could be two hours for all I care in that respect-it’s the early morning thing, on no sleep.

I think you're in a no win situation for both of you. He's probably getting a disturbed nights sleep and then having to work a full on day, you're probably getting less sleep and having to deal with a grouchy baby. The teething issue won't be a permanent problem, so you might just have a couple of rough weeks. Is there a compromise, DH gets up early a couple of times a week and cycles, either on better weather days or when he knows he's got an easier day at work. Perhaps, he could split it by cycling one morning, you pick up in the afternoon, the next day you drive and then he cycles home.

It might be worth trying to go to bed an hour early. If you'r really tired you'll sleep, if not at least your body is rested.

He doesn’t have a disturbed nights sleep as sleeps separately to us in order to get enough sleep to function at work, I’ve always done the night, even when getting up and going to teach at the start.
Yes, I think a couple of days of each will have to be the way.

He's 'tired' when he wakes up, too tired to cycle.... but it's ok for you to be exhausted and drive him to work and then drive back, with a screaming baby?

Could you invest in a small scooter?

Sorry OP, I don't think I was very clear in my message. What I meant was there's no justification for forcing you out of bed in the morning, you understandably need the sleep. It just seemed like the 45 minutes it took to cycle sounded like a reason for him not to do it, when actually he's asking you to do the same amount of travel. And it sounds like a nice amount of time on the bike!

I would get a bike rack for the car.

Then he can cycle in each morning, and you pick him (and bike) up each evening.

That way its a compromise, he cycles one way (45mins), and you collect one way (20 mins each way plus waiting = 45 mins also). And you can go at a more suitable time.

7am isn't really early, but i wouldnt want to keep waking baby every morning and spending 1 1/2 hrs per day in car with baby if it wasn't essential.