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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s too early!

175 replies

Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 09:24

Aibu to really hate dropping my dp off to work at 7.15 am after having almost no sleep with a 11 month old baby 🤷‍♀️
Dp has a new job around 20 minutes drive away, we live in an area where no transport goes there at that time and he doesn’t drive at the moment.
I feel like crying after just a few hours sleep and then quickly putting baby into car and trying to stay awake in order to drive there..aibu to really hate it 🤷‍♀️
Are there any other soloutions? Are Uber’s super expensive?

OP posts:
nutellalove · 03/07/2019 10:46

45 minutes is a very short commute to be honest. I have colleagues who commute 2 hours each way. YANBU. Surprised he is letting you drop him to be honest!

Orangecake123 · 03/07/2019 10:48

He walks.

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2019 10:49

He's 'tired' when he wakes up, too tired to cycle.... but it's ok for you to be exhausted and drive him to work and then drive back, with a screaming baby?

^^This

Think of how good for his health it would be to cycle!

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 10:50

@WingingItOverHere Ah I see, sorry! See..brain not functioning quite yet 🤯

OP posts:
humblesims · 03/07/2019 10:53

I also think he needs to cycle. I know you are a team and he might feel too tired to cycle but once he gets into the routine it will be better and you can give lifts sometimes but not all the time.
Its early days so I think you'll be able to juggle this between you if you communicate and work as a team.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 10:54

Yes, very happy to pick up in the afternoon, no issue with that at all! Then he takes over whilst I go to teach.
He was v into the thought of the cycling and getting healthy etc (hence buying the bike!) maybe it was just today and tomorrow🤷‍♀️
The morning cycle then I pick up does sound ideal if we can, tbf when im driving there, I do think to myself ‘Shit, this is a long way to ride a bike’ then I feel guilty 😩
How much are bike racks?

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 03/07/2019 10:55

I’m going to be the lone voice here. If you’d not been made redundant presumably you’d still be having to get up at a similar time for work? Teething is a tough time for both baby and parents, but it’s quite temporary. You’re going to bed at any time up to 11pm, I’m in bed by 10 when I’m not working and I don’t have a teething baby!
YANBU to not enjoy doing it, but YABU to not do it, he’s bringing in a wage

Aprillygirl · 03/07/2019 10:56

It's dangerous for you to drive if you're that tired OP, and I think it's selfish of your DH to make you when he has a perfectly good bike sitting there.Put it to your DH that you are endangering your child's life by driving whilst half asleep and insist he cycles to work, at least until your baby is sleeping through the night.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 11:07

@JudgeRindersMinder Yeah..I see both sides..I was only doing two mornings per week after baby came (tutor in afternoons) which I’d manage to plan for this exact reason for when baby here (previous 20 years working full time, early starts etc)
Also, we didn’t leave this early, had chance to wake up and childminder came to the house so Dd was gently eased into her day like that, it was just me that had to be up and out.

OP posts:
Wheelerdeeler · 03/07/2019 11:08

Oh for goodness sake, you and the baby can go back to bed after the commute. You are being very dramatic.

Share the nights between you - he shouldn't be allowed to sleep while you are up.

Stop co sleeping and put your baby in her own room. Sleep train. An 11 month old should not be awake for the night. It isn't good for her.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 11:08

She’s only going down at 9-10pm at the moment, tired as I am, I just need at least some time on my own to watch tv or even think before being in bed with her mainly battling through the night 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 11:11

@Wheelerdeeler 😂 Is that a joke comment??

We don’t go back to bed after the commute..she won’t sleep straightaway then.

Sleep training isn’t an option for me and isn’t something that’s going to happen at the moment-she’s teething and would wake regardless of any kind of training.

OP posts:
Lucked · 03/07/2019 11:13

Lots of parents do the school run or at back at work by the time there baby is 11 months so I think it is manageable and not the most unreasonable thing I have heard. I personally wouldn’t want to jump into cycling to work every day if I wasn’t already a cyclist.

First week of work is stressful and about finding his feet. He will need to work out where he will keep the bike, get cleaned up and changed. I think it is reasonable for him to look into doing a day a week over the next fortnight and increasing it as he gets used to it. Hopefully he will love it and it will all work out.

Brefugee · 03/07/2019 11:13

why is it such a rush? I think you need to probably rethink your evening routines so that you can get up a little early and not rush. When you're tired rushing around doesn't help. If you can even add 15 minutes to your morning routine it works well, and you do get used to it. I no longer have babies but i have awful menopause broken nights so it's similar. The first 5 minutes in the morning are the worst. After that I'm tired but fully functioning. Would that help?

81Byerley · 03/07/2019 11:14

In your original post you sound as though you've been doing this for ages, then you said he only started yesterday. Which is it?

brilliotic · 03/07/2019 11:14

I imagine that when he bought a bike, liking the idea of cycling and getting some exercise, he rejected the idea of an e-bike as that would not be proper exercise. Now he is finding that he is doing less exercise, rather than more, because he isn't using it at all. Yes an e-bike provides gentler exercise but you are much more likely to actually do it. So if you are looking for fitness and health, then an e-bike might be the way to go!

YANBU to feel unhappy about the early starts. I might go along with it for a few days for DH to settle into the new job (depending on how little sleep I'd actually had). But then it's onto the bike. And if he's too tired, then he needs to invest into that e-bike.

Would you drive when drunk? Would you drive whilst using your phone? If no, why not... because it's against the law, or because you wish to keep yourself, your family, and other people safe? If the latter, then you shouldn't drive when very sleep-deprived either. It is similarly unsafe.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 03/07/2019 11:16

He bought the bike for this purpose abc has done the route a couple of times, it was long but ok

45mins on a bike is only around 10miles unless he works at the top of several steep hills?

JudgeRindersMinder · 03/07/2019 11:18

@sundancer77 my apologies, I wrongly assumed that you’d been working outside the home.
It’s tough, but sometimes you do have to get the big girls pants on and deal with it. You never know, if the baby’s up a bit earlier, she might settle a bit earlier in the evening, rather than 9-10pm, so you’d still get your time out.
I’ll probably be seen as a bit old fashioned, but I strongly believe that if 1 parent is out working, then the other should be doing the night wakings. As @Wheelerdeeler said, you can catch up with yourself after taking dh to work, he’s in a new job which at the moment will take more out of him than it will once he’s been in the job for a while.
You’re in a kind of fortunate position, a lot of people are having the kind of nights that you are, and doing their own commute at 7am, at least you’re not facing a day at work.
This probably sounds harsher than I want it to, I mean it gently, teething and night waking is the pits, and you do have my sympathy for that. I used to do the early commute taking dh to work with a dd who wakened for the day at 5:30am

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 03/07/2019 11:18

Is there a local website (like Nextdoor.com) that you can post on to ask if anyone is travelling the same way and offer to share costs? It might be a while before DP knows enough people at work to ask for a lift.

Asking why DP isn't driving at the minute is just plain nosy! It's irrelevant. OP's here for suggestions for solutions, not waste time with nosy parkers!!

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 11:19

@81Byerley 🤷‍♀️ Have been doing it for two days at this new job, this early. At his old job he had a lift with a friend, I did a couple of times when needed then but not this early.
Why are you saying ‘Which is it?’ It’s what I said. Ffs.

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 03/07/2019 11:20

Why won't you sleep train?! She's 11 months, not newborn. No wonder she's cranky if she goes to bed at 10 and is woken up at 7. Babies that age need about 15 hours sleep in 24. Some of this is naps but the main sleep should be 12 hours overnight. Get her to bed earlier. You must have known this job was starting!

Lilymossflower · 03/07/2019 11:21

Stay in bed OP!

It isn't in you or baby's best interests to be going out that early and sleep deprived driving can be really dangerous

Say you can pick him up in after noons but he needs to take responsibility of his own travelling in the mornings

Outsomnia · 03/07/2019 11:21

Electric scooter, pronto. They are so fast!

lottiegarbanzo · 03/07/2019 11:23

45 minutes on a bike is a nice ride, not particularly long. He'll quickly get into the habit of it - and of going to bed a bit earlier so he's up earlier, ready.

He's bought a bike especially, he needs to see that through really.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 03/07/2019 11:23

@JudgeRindersMinder Yeah, I do do all the night wakings and have from the start even when I was working in the mornings too..I’m not debating that.
I don’t have a job to go to after the early waking, no. But I do have an 11 month old to look after all day until the afternoon when it’s pick up, to my own teaching job, home, then the night starts again..so it’s not a walk in the park either to be honest 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
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