It’s too early!

[Sundancer77]

Aibu to really hate dropping my dp off to work at 7.15 am after having almost no sleep with a 11 month old baby 🤷‍♀️
Dp has a new job around 20 minutes drive away, we live in an area where no transport goes there at that time and he doesn’t drive at the moment.
I feel like crying after just a few hours sleep and then quickly putting baby into car and trying to stay awake in order to drive there..aibu to really hate it 🤷‍♀️
Are there any other soloutions? Are Uber’s super expensive?

*Is like this at this age

Well, we talked, I said we need to organise what’s happening, he said he’s going on his bike just that he was really tired the last two days and just has to get into the habit of it.
I said can take but we need to sort her sleeping out etc..said he wants to go on his bike and get healthy etc..did drink a bottle of wine tonight tho 🤷‍♀️So we’ll see what happens in the morning 😏

45 minutes on the bike is nothing!! He might be earning but you are looking after the baby...

Oops sorry missed the updates!

Great that he is going to cycle, its really not worth the risk of driving when you are so tired.

Its tough when they are teething, I assure you it gets better, and you are doing great by just being there for your DC.

Sleep training wasn't for us either and you dont have to justify your choice to anyone. You know yourself what's right for your baby and family.

Whether you work outside of the home or not, pay a penny towards the house or not is irrelevant to anyone except you and your partner.
Your doing the single most important job, being there for your DC in the way you want to 💐💐💐

Thank you @Tigger001 that made me a bit tearful 🙈 trying my best, that’s what it’s all about, all the choices I’m making are what I feel to be best for her 🤷‍♀️

Oh and @sundancer77 you are not being wet !!!

The morning commute is going to take your the same time (round trip) as him (one way), so the question is who should lose 45 mins in the morning.

Should it be the person who has had an undisturbed full night sleep, or the one with little sleep? It's obvious that he should be cycling.

3 people are being disturbed for a journey that only requires 1 person. Madness!

He should cycle there and you can pick him up. 45 minutes is nothing

Yabu. He’s at work all day. 7.15am isn’t that early. Your baby isn’t a new born.

I think OP is also at work all day too, to be fair to her!

That sounds like a good update

So he went off on his bike and texted that it only took him 20/25 minutes, so that’s something..! Big relief as Dd woke up at 3.50 am and didn’t go back to sleep until gone 5 😏
Yes, he’s at work all day but having taught for 8 hours per day Mon-Fri for almost 20 years..I know which life was easier..! As much as I love my girl, it can be hard..plus I’ll be with her all day then go to private tutor when he’s back, when really I need to desperately 😴

So he went off on his bike and texted that it only took him 20/25 minutes

Great! I used to cycle 45 mins each way so that it totally doable. Hopefully that is your problem sorted.

@sundancer77 yep it can be hard and every child is different. Some are easier at the newborn stage and harder at toddler, some are hard all the while until they get last toddler. Dont worry at what stage they are at, if its rough on you, its rough, no matter how old. You dont need to justify it💐💐

Sounds like your all set to go now then, partners happy cycling and you can try and squeeze in some sleep ...somewhere.....anywhere !!! 🤣🤣🤣 hope all goes well 💐💐💐

He needs to get on his bike and ride

Really good update!

7 isn’t that early. The issue is the late bedtime. 9-10 is far too late for a baby that age with a wake up time of 6-7. At some point you have to balance sleep deprivation with sleep training otherwise you’ll be one of the people whose 3 year old still doesn’t sleep through the night.

Yeah @user8888888 it’s only be been a recent thing that she’s taking so long to go go down, i agree it’s far too late! Used to be 7.30 ish so we’re working hard on that. Last night was 8ish so it might be going back to before hopefully.

So last night, dp went to see a friend from his old work, got home just before midnight (they’d been smoking weed etc)
This morning I woke up after 7 and called out to dp as he still wasn’t up for work (said he was but was still in bed) then proceeded to say his bike had a puncture/flat tyre..bullshit, couldn’t be arsed riding in after last night and I’m not sure he was even going to get up in time-he just started this new job..!
Cue big argument with me being the bad guy and always nagging and having an ugly attitude.
Just really feel like packing up, going back to the uk, getting a good full time position and relying on only myself to take care of Dd, aibu? Is this how a grown man/new dad should act?

Tell him straight. You are DD's mum. Not his!!! You cannot continue like this. One of you us going to have a car accident or bike accident.

I am not the world's keenest cyclist but even I wouldn't be this pathetic over a half hour bike ride.

I bet he hasn't booked those driving lessons either, has he?

Nope. There’s lots of issues really..shouldn’t you grow up once you have a child 🤷‍♀️Or it’s just the woman who had to become old, responsible, boring and a nag, when they don’t want to be!

Sorry, but a few days into a new job and he's out late smoking weed and refusing to get up?

Utterly pathetic.

I'd be tearing him a new one, reminding all offers of lifts in the future and booking a plane ticket home. You are not boring and a nag, he's a childish, selfish little shit. Am fuming on your behalf!

*rescinding not reminding!

I’m sick of it 😩too tired to deal with it.

I answered earlier and did initially think YWBU, given it had only been 2 days - and from the (obviously still bitter!) perspective of someone who had to go back to a full time, demanding professional job when DD was 5.5 months (and as bad a sleeper as your little one by the sounds of it). But from your later posts it’s clear there are bigger issues at stake here and I really feel for you. I agree he needs to grow up - I’m not one to say you lose ALL freedoms of pre-kid life - but when your actions unfairly impact on your partner like this then it IS time to grow up and act like a parent. Hope you’re ok OP

It’s just the irresponsibility 🤷‍♀️I honestly think if I wouldn’t have happened to wake up and call to him, he would’ve not noticed and kept sleeping..a few days into a new job..how bad would that look to be late/not turn up?
We had a possible chance to cut back for a year or two and for me to stay with Dd more rather than putting in a nursery full time etc..but I honestly don’t think I can rely on someone else even for a short time.
When I look at lots of other fathers/families, it’s not like this, they work hard and have their shit together.