It’s too early!

[Sundancer77]

Aibu to really hate dropping my dp off to work at 7.15 am after having almost no sleep with a 11 month old baby 🤷‍♀️
Dp has a new job around 20 minutes drive away, we live in an area where no transport goes there at that time and he doesn’t drive at the moment.
I feel like crying after just a few hours sleep and then quickly putting baby into car and trying to stay awake in order to drive there..aibu to really hate it 🤷‍♀️
Are there any other soloutions? Are Uber’s super expensive?

@Teachermaths Sleep training isn’t for us-but that’s a different topic!

@Outsomnia He’d love an electric scooter, has said this-we’d have to look at price

@JustOneShadeOfGrey Thanks, yes the reason for no license isn’t really the issue, it’s the soloution. We don’t have that particular sharing system here, but will look if there’s anything similar.

That is quite a constraint, if turns into an everyday thing. I can see why it's hard. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with encouraging him to do it when he was quite keen on getting healthy.

I used to cycle 10 miles morning and afternoon to get to work (before I moved) and it took me about 40 mins (hilly). Once you get into it, it's fine. If you pick him up in the evenings, that will help.

Bike racks for the car aren't too expensive. Under a 100 euros in my country and about half that if you shop around. You can also rent e-bikes sometimes, so maybe he could get one for a month, then work up to it?

Get him a scooter or a motorbike.

Everyone needs sleep. He gets every opportunity to sleep at night.

You're being too nice. He's had his sleep, you haven't had yours - and another hour will make a big difference to you. So why are you worried about him being a bit tired for his commute?

It's not a different topic. If your 11mo isn't getting enough sleep then she's not going to enjou being woken at 7.

One of your options to make for a less stressful morning is sleep training.

How long would she sleep for without being woken? I'd wager that your broken nights are in part down to an incredibly over tired baby. Sort this and the rest of your life becomes much easier.

@Teachermaths It’s a different topic as to whether you agree with sleep training or you don’t. It’s not for us.

It's not a different topic when the lack of sleep is impacting on your life. Training can be gentle and isn't just controlled crying.

You're being a martyr by refusing to change anything OP and somehow expecting something to change.

Also... he won't get into the habit of cycling while he feels it's optional.

The only way for him to get used to doing it, so it becomes normal and unremarkable, is to do it.

You don’t need to sleep train a nearly 1 year old. Just give them a set bedtime routine, ensure they get plenty of exercise through the day, and they will sleep.

Sorry, but I think you’re being a bit ‘wet’.

7:15 isn’t ‘this early’ & putting a baby in a car seat isn’t exactly difficult.

Babies teeth and you have terrible nights, but life goes on...jobs, other children, other responsibilities...that’s life for everyone, it’s not unique to you and currently she’s your only, so you don’t even have a toddler coming in to you at 5:30 or older ones to get ready but for school...or work to go to (until late afternoon). FAR less hassle than a school run.

I know it’s not a competition and if you’re tired, you’re tired...but I think you’re moaning about something that is ‘just life’ and you need to just ‘crack on’ with it.

How come you can drive there if it’s such a big deal him getting his licence changed over there?

He’s being ‘wet’ too not just cycling unless it’s ALL up hill cycling 45 minutes to work isn’t a big deal AND if it IS ‘ALL uphill’ in the morning, then surely it will be.downhill home, unless you live in some one way hell hole I suppose..

Cycle training - don't jump up and pander, just count slowly in your head, let go of your guilty thoughts and go back to sleep. He'll survive. Then he'll get used to it.

Then, if it really is an emergency, he'll let you know.

He can cycle to work. He's had a full nights sleep.

Sleep training won't keep a teething baby sleeping.

I'm sorry but I think YABU. It's day two and you're moaning online already. Of course he's tired as he's started a new job! Let him get over this/next week then start a new routine. Even if you suggest him cycling 2-3 times for the first few weeks.

You and DD can easily have a nap during the day to catch up on sleep. Your DP can't as he's out earning money to keep a roof over your heads.

@theworldistoosmall..!

Exactly! @theworldistoosmall that meant

And here come all the rude comments..on cue!
@Butterflyone1 please read the whole thing, I earn too to keep a roof over our heads, I do all the nights and always have done etc etc

@Teddybear45 She did before, now 4 top teeth plus crawling etc etc has changed her routine, she won’t just go to sleep at a certain time anymore-I’m sure it’s not that easy

"81Byerley 🤷‍♀️ Have been doing it for two days at this new job, this early. At his old job he had a lift with a friend, I did a couple of times when needed then but not this early.
Why are you saying ‘Which is it?’ It’s what I said. Ffs. "

I'd expect you to moan if you'd been doing it for weeks. But when you first posted, you made it sound as if you'd been doing it for weeks, when actually it transpires in your later post you'd done it once since he started his new job yesterday. For goodness sake, how do you think other people cope with babies and jobs and commutes?

@IncrediblySadToo Lots of helpful advice there..! 👌👍😆

hi op.my mum went through this.she is not a morning person plus all the things you describe and it made her almost weep.every day.and she was going to be dreading the next few hours and day.and just couldnt function the next day.she started getting confused and seeing things almost she was so tired.
talk to him.tell you want to be there for him but just cannot.and then sort it out from there.
my dad went and got one of those bikes and he is NOT a fit man lol.not at all.but he found a route and now he loves it.his early morning(espceially in warm sun) is now something he just cant not do.its made him a better person too.to the point he now rides home too.
talk to him.thre shouldn be no guilt.your not doing this to spite him.your both jsut feeling your way through this.itl be ok.but just be honest and look after yourself.keep safe.xx

Ok all the bitchiness is starting now..one starts, all the others follow 👍
I’ll leave it there, thank you to the ones who did provide helpful advice.
I do feel like shit after many nights of no sleep, if that’s being wet, then so be it. I realise everyone goes through this, I was looking for a bit of advice just to get through this particularly tough bit.

Thank you @kateandme that is how I feel and was before the getting up (was like this when I returned to work when she was 5 months old too) so I know I’m not going to be able to do this.

@IncrediblySadToo
I know it’s not a competition and if you’re tired, you’re tired...but I think you’re moaning about something that is ‘just life’ and you need to just ‘crack on’ with it
This is terrible advice. Exhausted people driving cars are incredibly dangerous and tiredness has been proven to lead to accidents that have killed people. If OP was unlucky enough to be involved in such an incident, I don't think anyone would have much sympathy for her when they discovered that she chose to drive despite knowing she was exhausted. You are not doing the mature or responsible thing to just "crack on" with things when doing so means you are jeopardising your own and other people's safety.

I am 66 and cycling again after a 45 year break. If I can do it at my age then I am sure he could if he really tried.