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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DD's friend a lift?

337 replies

PotteryLottery · 02/07/2019 21:25

DD's best friend (age 10) has said she wants space from DD and will decide in a week if she will be her friend again.

A while ago, her lovely mother asked me to give her DD a lift to a one-off activity, and I agreed as I will be taking my DD anyway. This falls within the week of "space".

AIBU to say I can no longer take the girl as she wants space?

I.e. Should my DD just have to put up with this one-off journey I agreed to before their falling out or should she not have to endure a journey with someone who won't play with her this week?

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 02/07/2019 23:53

No. I wouldn't care what I'd agreed. If her DD is not tearing my child right then I would revoke the invitation. Especially if your DD doesn't want her in the car.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 02/07/2019 23:56

Nah.
It would be nae lift from me.
Both can jog on.

teachermam · 03/07/2019 00:01

Yabu children are always fighting they'll be best friends again before the week is out

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 03/07/2019 00:01

That's pretty sucky for your DD. Will giving the other kid a lift potentially ruin what would otherwise have been a nice/great day for your DD?

OralBElectricToothbrush · 03/07/2019 00:06

LOL @ 'lovely' mum still thinking you should transport her daughter. No shit! FFS, grow a pair. 10-years-old and already pulling manipulative bullying shit like 'I need space' and 'I'll decide in a week if I will deign to speak to you' and you're so much of a doormat you're not supporting your daughter in the face of this? WTAF? Wow. This is where people learn to put up with shit treatment from called friends and partners. Fuck that. I'd have told the 'lovely' mum, 'Your daughter has informed my child that she needs space to decide if she'll continue the friendship. I'm sure you'll understand that, as we all need to learn to put boundaries in place and definitely have the right to terminate or reconsider friendships, at the same time, we also have to teach our children which behaviour is unacceptable to put up with and to be assertive in order to develop good self-esteem. So you will need to make other transport arrangements for your child. Best, OP.'

Ellisandra · 03/07/2019 00:11

Isn’t that ever so convenient for the other mother that she thinks this lift will help them be friends again? Hmm

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/07/2019 00:17

I'd be taking this week to reinforce to dd that even if other friend comes back and wants to resume the friendship, dd has every right to say no thanks.

MidniteScribbler · 03/07/2019 00:30

I wouldn't give her a lift. She can make her own way there or miss out. It's time she realised that your actions have consequences.

CharityDingle · 03/07/2019 00:30

I would be giving her the space and time to decide...all the space and time that she wants. Wink

Not a snowballs chance in hell would I be giving her a lift.
I think this is a chance for you to show your daughter that this is not how friends behave.

CharityDingle · 03/07/2019 00:31

YANBU.

CharityDingle · 03/07/2019 00:40

And re 'lovely mum', well maybe if suits her that you provide the lift...
And maybe her daughter is copying behaviours that she has seen...

CharityDingle · 03/07/2019 00:41

...it...

strawberriesandrosepetals · 03/07/2019 00:42

I agree probably best to just carry on.

BIG HOWEVER

I lived in a very rural area as a child so choice of friends was limited. Another girl treated me like this for years. It was manipulative and she knew exactly what she was doing. It made me very withdrawn throughout school and destroyed my confidence. If they do become friends again, please please keep an eye on it, I would hate for anyone to feel like I did. My own mother didn't have a clue but the fact you are thinking about it so carefully shows you care x

BrendasUmbrella · 03/07/2019 02:51

I have a feeling this girl will suddenly have the urge to make up with your dd today, only to drop her again after the event. I hope I'm wrong. But if it does transpire, then I think you should refuse all future requests for transport.

And maybe try and encourage some new friendships with less manipulative children.

jameswong · 03/07/2019 03:02

I wouldn't even dream of taking her. Not sure I'd even contact the mum. I'd just assume she'd informed her mum about the need for space and take my daughter directly.

LiliesAndChocolate · 03/07/2019 04:46

This is a tricky one. Of course lovely mum would say they should travel together, she needs the lift. However, it is not very fair.
How can a 10 year old child say something so brutal and painful and take a week to decide if she wants to be friend. Maybe your DD needs a week to decide if she wants to give her friend a lift.

Words have an impact on others and sometimes you have to face the consequences of your words, even if it means missing on an activity....

MyOtherProfile · 03/07/2019 06:25

Good you spoke to the mum. I hope the girls can genuinely sort this out.

herculepoirot2 · 03/07/2019 06:32

I’d say, “Since the girls aren’t talking at the moment I think it’s better that they’re not together in the car. Hope you can make alternative arrangements.”

Beautiful3 · 03/07/2019 06:36

Just relay what dd friend said to your dd onto your friend. I would say I'll take her if they're friends again otherwise it will be awkward!

TitianaTitsling · 03/07/2019 06:45

Agree no lift "your DD doesn't want to be around DD, so obviously it's not a good idea to have the journey together" yes they may be 10, but both need to learn how you should treat and be treated by someone.

coconutpie · 03/07/2019 06:47

I would call her up and say that you've had another think about this and that you think it's best that you don't take her DD to the venue as it will make your DD uncomfortable. You need to show your DD that it is ok to not be a pushover. You are being a pushover here. Lovely mum is not lovely at all - it's convenient for her for you to take her DD, she is not at all bothered over your DD's hurt feelings.

KatherineJaneway · 03/07/2019 06:49

she thinks it would be a good idea for the girls to travel together, to help make up.

That's a load of bollocks, she just wants you to give her dd a lift.

Sofasurfingsally · 03/07/2019 06:50

Ten year old girls 🙄🙄

They'll be friends next week. Best stay out of it, and not help turn it into a drama.

I agree it's worth talking to DD about boundaries in behaviour, and what to tolerate.

fedup21 · 03/07/2019 06:52

Sorry but the mum doesn’t actually sound that lovely and neither does the daughter.

At the centre of this is your ten year old daughter telling you she’s upset. Show her that you are actually listening to her.

fedup21 · 03/07/2019 06:53

I don't want to be too cynical, but Non Driving Mum wants the girls to be friends....ooookayyyyyy

Exactly!