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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DD's friend a lift?

337 replies

PotteryLottery · 02/07/2019 21:25

DD's best friend (age 10) has said she wants space from DD and will decide in a week if she will be her friend again.

A while ago, her lovely mother asked me to give her DD a lift to a one-off activity, and I agreed as I will be taking my DD anyway. This falls within the week of "space".

AIBU to say I can no longer take the girl as she wants space?

I.e. Should my DD just have to put up with this one-off journey I agreed to before their falling out or should she not have to endure a journey with someone who won't play with her this week?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/07/2019 11:49

Also, btw I think not offering your water to a thirsty 10 year old is worse behaviour than anything I've heard from the kids. You sound a bit much tbh

Indeed! Sounds as if you wanted a bit of petty payback tbh Hmm you are not 10.

You should have not taken at her at all if you were going to act like that.

SurfingGiantess · 05/07/2019 11:55

Now I feel sorry for OG. The poor thing thirsty all day. And you telling her to share her food? Why? Your daughter shared hers out of kindness not to get something back. It's one thing to share toys but food. No I don't agree. And not giving her water perfectly fine for a 10 year old but a mother? I'm astonished. Yes she was mean and maybe a bit spoiled but that doesn't mean you should act the same. Your daughter might one day be cheeky to someone and regret it. But I'd hope someone would see her as a girl who is still learning and give her water nonetheless.

LittleGwyneth · 05/07/2019 12:31

I feel like this was the worst case scenario. You didn't do the direct thing and cancel the lift, but you didn't do the adult thing and provide the lift in a calm and a mature fashion.

Not offering a thirsty child water is really not nice and you shouldn't be proud of it. Also I'm not convinced you actually know what vulgar means.

TheCatThatDanced · 05/07/2019 12:59

Your update is strange - why didn't you offer OG water on presumably what was a very hot day?! That's unkind and as LittleGwyneth says nothing to be proud of.

Did you ask OG to share her food or did your DD share her food?

your behaviour sounds tit for tat and not a nice example to be setting your DD.

alohadaisy · 05/07/2019 13:12

Jeez, harsh behaviour towards a 10yo OP.

TiaraBus · 05/07/2019 13:22

Don't get involved . Leave them to sort out their issues while offering your daughter moral support and empathy. Seriously, it sounds petty not to give a ride and is sending your daughter the wrong message. She doesn't need to be a doormat but you need to show her how to be kind and generous . It's not like the young friend did something really terrible. She politely asked for space and as others have pointed our they will probably be best friends soon. If not, that's life, we don't alway keep our friendships on the same level but it never hurts to be kind.

Beautiful3 · 05/07/2019 13:45

I think you should have shared your water. Bit unkind on a hot day, she is a child.

Nanny0gg · 05/07/2019 14:07

Why on earth didn't you offer some water?

And stop telling your DD all that. That's overstepping all sorts of boundaries.

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2019 14:08

Blimey. What an appalling way to behave. And I don’t mean OG.

TheCatThatDanced · 05/07/2019 14:26

TiaraBus - actually if OG is being a PITA and nasty to OP's DD then there is no obligation to give OG a lift or to let her DD continue the friendship with OG. Just explain to LM that this arrangement has come to an end - a bit like one does with car share scenarios here.

However, there is no need at all for OP or her DD to be nasty or unkind to the OG re water etc and that behaviour should be apologised for.

expatinspain · 05/07/2019 14:36

TheCatThatDanced While I agree the lift is up to the OP, I don't agree the friendship is. At 10 years old, I don't think parents can really force the end of a friendship when they're at school together. In fact, it would be incredibly controlling behaviour to do so unless there was a clear case of bullying or something like that.

TheCatThatDanced · 05/07/2019 15:55

Expatinspain - of course parents can't force the end of the friendship - that is down to the children.

However, the DM here can make life easier or not for her DD but not facilitating lifts etc which seem to be helping the LM.

Bizawit · 05/07/2019 16:16

Wow OP sounds like you are getting wayyyy too involved/ invested here. The children are 10 and these kind of friendship dramas are normal! You are an adult and should be able to rise above it. Being distant to LM and calling the OG ‘vulgar’ sounds really unwarranted in the circumstances...

Bizawit · 05/07/2019 16:18

And also refusing to share your water. She’s a child! And a very bad example to set for your DD.

Original poster
PotteryLottery · 05/07/2019 16:36

Thank you all for your input.

I'm moving on now so won't be checking or contributing to this thread further.

OP posts:
Bagshot · 05/07/2019 16:43

You sound awful.
I wouldn't let my child anywhere near you.
There was a child under your supervision and you acted pretty horribly towards her. If anyone is vulgar, it's you.Your entitled attitude towards your daughter is going to get a massive reality check once she hits high school. Maybe ask yourself why a another child wishes to distance themselves from your child. Either way, they're kids, you're not. You had no excuse or reason to behave like you did towards a 10 year old child.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 05/07/2019 16:43

OP's throwing her toys out of the prank! Hmm

MyGastIsFlabbered · 05/07/2019 16:43

FFS pram not prank Blush

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/07/2019 19:20

Talk about not being able take any of your own medicine!

BarrenFieldofFucks · 05/07/2019 21:31

Brilliant 🙄🤦

Dontcallmeprecious · 05/07/2019 21:45

Wrong answer everyone! We are obviously supposed to support op abusing other children
Don’t withhold water.
Don’t call little girls ‘vulgar’
Stop interfering in your child’s life she will dislike you intensely for it.

Be big enough to know you made a mistake -

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2019 21:51

“Wrong answer everyone! We are obviously supposed to support op abusing other children”

To be fair practically everyone did for the first 300 posts.....

Harveywallplanner · 05/07/2019 21:55

Was just coming to say don’t think she’ll be back now

Ginger1982 · 05/07/2019 22:21

Flouncing! 😆

TiaraBus · 06/07/2019 00:25

TheCatThatDanced ( love your screen name, btw). Actually, the one thing has nothing to do with the other. OP made a commitment to help another parent out by giving her a lift. It's a ride in the car. It's not like she had to donate a kidney. I gave tons of rides to other kids and my kids didn't have to be friends with them.They got in the car, sat and got out. The end. The ride should have no bearing on the friendship or vica versa. DD was not best friends with the other boy in the car.
My children are older now and I can look back and see what was important and what wasn't and what lessons did I teach my children about how to treat others and to behave honourably and ethically.
i see so many young adults/millenials now who obviously learned that they are the center of the universe and are selfish and entitled. I see so many responses here of people saying to ask DD whether she approves of the other girl coming in the car. That is the cart leading the horse.A parent needs to parent , not ask the child's permission for our decisions. As parents, we need to teach young, impressionable kids that it's okay for friendships to change,it's okay not to be a doormat but its not okay for us to sink to low behaviour in return. Mom made a commitment to do someone a favor . This person really needs it and she shouldn''t renege. (She should also not teach her child that she wasn't assertive enough to back out. So many wrong lessons here , as many have pointed out. ) If she decides in the future when OG 's mom asks her for a favor and she doesn't want to comply, that's okay to say no.