To Feel Insulted by PIL holiday decision?

[LizzieLookAtTheFlowers]

We have a lovely relationship with DH's parents and have really enjoyed holidays with them every other year since our children turned 3 (we couldn't afford it before then). They alternate with SIL and family.

I am pregnant with our 3rd and next year is our 'turn' to holiday with in-laws. We enjoy holidaying alone, too, but the kids absolutely love their grandparents adding an extra dimension to the fun. We asked them about booking something and sent some options and they told DH they won't go abroad with us if we have a baby, or even an under 3, because they didn't when they had their children.

So we won't be holidaying with them for the next 4 years, which means our children will be missing out on time with their grandparents while they are young.

They will still go away with SIL in the meantime, and they have a much closer relationship with her children anyway, so I feel this is another way that our children miss out with them.

I don't really understand what they have against babies. I find babies easier than 3-year-olds (ours will be 7 months by the time the holiday comes around.) We will look after our own baby, who will be breastfed like the others, so will always be with me and we don't have to worry about sterilising or making up bottles etc, not that it would be their responsibility if we did. We do BLW so baby will just eat what we eat, and we are looking at the Canaries, which isn't exactly primitive - they sell nappies and everything! We will have separate apartments, so they won't be disturbed at night, and we don't ask them to do any babysitting while away (last time they offered and looked after the kids for a couple of hours once while we went for a drink, that is it and we didn't ask or expect even that, we wanted to all spend time together.)

I don't understand how us having a baby will impact on them. It will be our responsibility. They have 4 holidays a year, two of which are to very luxury locations, and they usually enjoy their holidays with the grandkids in contrast. So this wouldn't be their only chance for a break or anything.

Are they being weird or am I wrong to feel insulted that they think our baby would ruin their holiday enough that they won't entertain the idea and miss out on time with their other two grandchildren for years to come?

It is cruel to inflict foreign heat (I presume that's what we are talking about) on a new born.

OP isn't just taking about a new born. She's taking about a child who is a few months old up to 3 years old.

It's not cruel to expose babes and toddlers to warm weather! Some small children actually prefer warm dry weather to cold wet weather infact.

Why not have U.K. based holidays, perhaps persuade them to venture to France later on

Good for you op! Enjoy a lovely holiday without your weird in-laws and their strange terms and conditions. Have a great time.

You haven’t said what help you & DH give your MIL with her elderly mother, I am probably your MIL’s age & I feel desperately sorry for her.

All the drama seems to belong to bored housewives on MN

You started this thread saying you were insulted that your PIL did not want to holiday with babies or toddlers. You have continually replied since 11.30 this morning. Whose the bored housewife? 😂😂

You haven’t said what help you & DH give your MIL with her elderly mother, I am probably your MIL’s age & I feel desperately sorry for her.
Maybe the SIL is the one who helps with her grandmother and that is why SIL gets more childcare help.

That old chestnut. Isn't it fascinating that when a son confronts his parents on any issue, it's always his wife's fault?

I probably didn’t make my comment clear, I was talking hypothetically. The OP has displayed jealousy of her SIL all through this thread. I wonder what the PIL would say if they read it ? If you read the thread you will I made the comment you chose to highlight was to another poster who suggested going round to the PIL for an explanation. They had already said they did not want to holiday with a baby or a toddler, a choice they are perfectly entitled to make and is not hard to understand.

And yes, if I had already made a decision not to holiday with babies or toddlers and my DIL created a drama over my decision my son would be sent home with a flea in his ear. Just to be clear, I do not holiday with children at all as I choose adult only hotels, therefore the above drama (which the OP posted about) would never happen in my life . In my view, adult children have no right to question where or with whom their parents go on holiday. The OP is nothing more than an ungrateful drama lama imo.

You, it seems Blushpinkrose. At least it's my life you are just like a dog with a bone over someone else's life. Woof.

@Ragwort

You haven’t said what help you & DH give your MIL with her elderly mother, I am probably your MIL’s age & I feel desperately sorry for her.

Oh yeah @ragwort, sorry, I must have neglected to provide you with our weekly diaries. We actually help a lot - we pop in once a week whenever she will let us, sometimes she doesnt feel up to conversation. MIL also has twin brothers but GIL prefers asking her daughter for help. We always offer to get her shopping, sometimes she accepts. We regularly pick her up and have her for lunch - the only one out of her 6 grandchildren who does. DH takes her a plate of dinner if we are cooking something she likes and often I will cook her a beef stew specially because it's her favourite and she's 91 and pissed off to be alive most days. Its not entirely selfless, she's adorable and calls me to tell me I should go on Masterchef. Not sure John Torode would be all that impressed with my beef stew though.... When in laws go on holiday we step in where MIL usually does wherever gran will let us but she won't let me or DH clean or change her sheets as she is very private. Will that do you? If I had volunteered that I'd just be told I was looking for praise. I'm not, she is family and we help because we love her and as she's 91 we want to make the most of her.

Oh in addition DH is really helpful to his parents without complaint or expectation. He mows their lawns, drives them to the station and to and from the airport at any hour, helps with all technology, goes to the shops for them. He is the first one they would call in a crisis. You didn't ask but thought it might be coming.

You haven’t said what help you & DH give your MIL with her elderly mother, I am probably your MIL’s age & I feel desperately sorry for her.

Just as a zillion posters have already said, the OP should not expect any childcare help, therefore by the same token I don't think the MIL can expect any help with her mother. The OP has two kids and one on the way, her responsibility is to her small children at the moment.

@blushpinkrose you keep using the word drama.... there has been no drama. But you, on the other hand, are VERY dramatic. Would you like some TV or book recommendationa to fill this void? Do feel free to keep haranguing me though - glad to be keeping you off the streets.

Maybe the SIL is the one who helps with her grandmother and that is why SIL gets more childcare help.

@choli SIL sees her gran every other week on one of her days off. And will call, and also offers to get gran shopping when PIL are away. She loves her gran too. Bet you'd love me to slag her off though.

You have created the drama @LizzieLookAtTheFlowers of you can’t see that then you have an issue 🙄

@trilbydoll - thanks. I really shouldn't have started a MN post whilst feeling particularly sensitive. I shall try to ignore the winder-uppers.

Yes, MIL is bonkers. I agree and don't see why a baby is less of a pain in the arse in Devon than Lanzarote, but apparently MIL sees there is some difference and I won't worry about it any more. At first I thought it was about our parenting or that she thought we would take the piss and leave the baby with them but now I know why I think it is their loss.

You and re right about needing to ask and that is what DH means but it is hard when you can see they will feel pulled in different directions.

@contraceptionismyfriend it is a really long story and I don't feel like opening that part of my life up to scrutiny too. Basically she doesn't get him, doesn't see what I see - which is a legend who I love to bits. So it is sad.

Honestly you shouldn't have to put up with that. If she doesn't have good reason eg abuse then she can keep all her negativity to herself.
It can't be nice for him to know that she is apart of his children's lives and hate him so much she can't even be civil.

Also does she allow her feelings to show around your kids. That can't be healthy. It's not fair for her to put you in this situation

I know people who have their own rules
Some people
Don't like dogs
Won't fly
Don't go abroad
Don't eat certain food
I'm sure people can think of lots of other examoles

Op yanbu and I don’t understand some of the hate you’ve got on here.

I’ve seen other posters talk about how their children are treated differently to their cousins and everyone tells them that the gp are being unreasonable, I don’t understand how this is any different.

I’d be upset and miffed too If I we’re you.

@AmICrazyorWhat2 that’s it exactly. They think we’ve got it together so we don’t get any help at all and we’d love to spend more time with them too but it’s just not going to happen.
The SILs are there 4/5 evening a week and always manage to be there when we call over. They never come to see us.
Anything we tell them they tell SILs but we get told nothing🤦🏻‍♀️ Fucking family is overrated!!

OP I rarely post but just wanted to add the warmest voice of support. You sound lovely, normal, not dramatic, caring of family, wanting to give your kids the best. You also seem to be listening carefully and rationally to different points of view. It is when I read threads like this on MN that I (a) decide to leave the site (although I never do, partly I think because it reminds me that I am actually despite all my failings quite a nice and kind person) and (b) that MN is quite frankly a shit show sometimes. OP enjoy your new baby, enjoy your holidays, try not to worry too much about your PILs and gently encourage your mum to stop being unkind to your DH. I feel like you deserve 💐.

Oh dear. Looks like Blushpinkrose had a few too many gins and posted something abusive despite me not even responding to the last load of nonsense. What a shame I missed it.

@Epicday thank you so much. I really needed to hear (read) that this morning. There was actually a lot of support and some really great advice. (And a load of freakin nutjobs losing their minds.) I won't return to this thread again and will draw a very lovely line after your kind words.

Some of us don’t drink and some of us don’t resort to calling people cunts because we don’t agree with them. ☺️