To Feel Insulted by PIL holiday decision?

[LizzieLookAtTheFlowers]

We have a lovely relationship with DH's parents and have really enjoyed holidays with them every other year since our children turned 3 (we couldn't afford it before then). They alternate with SIL and family.

I am pregnant with our 3rd and next year is our 'turn' to holiday with in-laws. We enjoy holidaying alone, too, but the kids absolutely love their grandparents adding an extra dimension to the fun. We asked them about booking something and sent some options and they told DH they won't go abroad with us if we have a baby, or even an under 3, because they didn't when they had their children.

So we won't be holidaying with them for the next 4 years, which means our children will be missing out on time with their grandparents while they are young.

They will still go away with SIL in the meantime, and they have a much closer relationship with her children anyway, so I feel this is another way that our children miss out with them.

I don't really understand what they have against babies. I find babies easier than 3-year-olds (ours will be 7 months by the time the holiday comes around.) We will look after our own baby, who will be breastfed like the others, so will always be with me and we don't have to worry about sterilising or making up bottles etc, not that it would be their responsibility if we did. We do BLW so baby will just eat what we eat, and we are looking at the Canaries, which isn't exactly primitive - they sell nappies and everything! We will have separate apartments, so they won't be disturbed at night, and we don't ask them to do any babysitting while away (last time they offered and looked after the kids for a couple of hours once while we went for a drink, that is it and we didn't ask or expect even that, we wanted to all spend time together.)

I don't understand how us having a baby will impact on them. It will be our responsibility. They have 4 holidays a year, two of which are to very luxury locations, and they usually enjoy their holidays with the grandkids in contrast. So this wouldn't be their only chance for a break or anything.

Are they being weird or am I wrong to feel insulted that they think our baby would ruin their holiday enough that they won't entertain the idea and miss out on time with their other two grandchildren for years to come?

@Homeallday I have no reason to be nasty. And OP is the one calling people cunts, so you might want to rethink who’s being nasty.

I’ve no idea who you are but flattered you’ve noticed me 😊

Perhaps don’t stay home all day and you won’t notice posters on anonymous fora as much? Just a suggestion.

YANBU, it's weird that they don't want to go on holiday with their own grandchild regardless of the grandchild's age.

Just arrange a holiday abroad and invite PIL.

Or indeed, just FIL.
yanbu op, I’d feel exactly as you do if not worse, and in fact do though the unfairness is directed up a generation in our case.

Ivanapee, you've been plenty nasty, and having been called a horror, entitled, greedy, ridiculous, grabby, obsessed with SIL, criticised for spending money on foreign holidays, bitter, told I shouldn't be having another baby and various other things I think I am totally justified in implying there are a number of cunts on MN and this thread. Many of them self-confessed I would guess - people here clearly make a hobby of it, forgetting there are real people on the other end of a screen with real feelings, hormonally influenced or not.

But of course, the unpleasantness has all come from me with no reason.

Whoever said it wouldn't be much of a holiday for DH with my mum, yeah that worries me. DH says he will be fine he let's it go over his head. But yeah it will take some careful thought.

Anyway, following mine and my DH's initial surprise and disappointment about PIL reaction about the proposed holiday, we have accepted it and are moving on. We wont ask FIL to come on his own that would upset everyone and make a villain of MIL. We will probably book something on our own. We realise now the kids won't be too upset as long as they get to go on holiday and as many others have said, it is PIL loss.

Wonder what sticks I can be hit with from this.

@LizzieLookAtThrFlowers

You haven’t answered how often your children see your PIL although numerous posters have asked.

Anyway, following mine and my DH's initial surprise and disappointment about PIL reaction about the proposed holiday, we have accepted it and are moving on. 👏👏👏👏

You should have accepted their decision in the first place without all the drama 🙄

@Blushpinkrose - this thread has been bathshit and I have done my best to keep up. Sorry if I haven't answered that particular question. About once a week usually unless either of us is away at the weekend and then it is less.

I really don't get why your getting such a hard time here OP?
You haven't called anyone you understand SIL spends more time with them and fine about it your just asking a question because you know your kids may feel a bit left out... I understand that....
I'd get DH to have a chat and just mention about the kids will miss the time with them see how it goes - if they don't want go away with a child under3... then it is there loss.... just try not make it a big deal in front of the kids

Thank you for proving my point so brilliantly Ivanapee .

What drama do you think went on blushpinkrose? Me and DH were surprised, I was interested to know how others would feel (pretty mixed as it turns out) and made an AIBU post where people predictably activated cunt mode pretty quickly.

DH had a very civilised discussion with his mum this afternoon because he was put on the spot this morning and didn't ask what he wanted to ask. He then accepted her decision kissed her on the cheek and left.

All the drama seems to belong to bored housewives on MN.

I totally understand you being sad, when your kids adore their grandparents and want to spend time with them. But it looks as though there's no more you can do at this point.

What I don't understand though is why you are now thinking of inviting your mum instead (despite her hating your DH). Do you not enjoy holidays just as your little nuclear family? I've had the occasional multi generation holiday, but I don't see it as a necessity at all. We enjoyed just being us.

All the drama seems to belong to bored housewives on MN.

There it is!

Can’t wait to see your defenders stick up for that one!

Perhaps if you stayed at home you wouldn’t have to scrounge childcare costs :)

Could it be the flight ?
Babies can be very grizzly on flights - the whole ear thing.
Perhaps they couldn't / wouldn't want that ?

@saraclara

We do! We are going to Spain for 2 weeks in 3 weeks time just us and can't wait. It is sometimes nice to just add an extra dimension to the holiday, for the kids to have other people to play with and have other adults to talk to. And the kids love their grandparents on both sides loads and family is important to us. It's nice to make lovely memories I guess. No ulterior motives or particular reasons.

We will probably go on our own. It would be nice to be able to ask my mum, because it's my mum and she could really do with a holiday, but it's a bit risky and probably not the best. In the end we will probably go just us again next year.

As OP says, she hasn’t had any drama, she asked on here for opinions then her dh spoke to his parents. Where’s the drama in that?

I wonder if your Pil will change there minds anyway once the bab6 is here and part of the family?

baby

their must learn to proof read

If my son ever questioned my decision of who I go on holiday with he’d be sent back to his ungrateful and jealous wife with a flea in his ear. 🙄

Ah, yes. That old chestnut. Isn't it fascinating that when a son confronts his parents on any issue, it's always his wife's fault?

for the kids to have other people to play with and have other adults to talk to. And the kids love their grandparents on both sides loads and family is important to us. It's nice to make lovely memories I guess

Can't argue with that! And yes, my kids adored their paternal grandparents, and we had a couple of lovely holidays, as well as short breaks in the UK, with them that we still remember (girls are 30 and 32 now!)

@homeallday

Maybe. They will be welcome to join us if so. Doubt MIL will change her mind though but that's ok. I'm over it now and no longer insulted I realise it isn't about our parenting or them thinking we will take the piss - just some reasons that don't make sense to me but clearly make sense to MIL.

Why does your mother get your husband so much?

Genuinely not a dig just curious.

You're getting a hard time op. Try and stop rising tho, I think it's making people worse unfortunately if you're not prepared to be pushy and demanding you will end up with less time, it's inevitable when you are talking about nice people who don't say no to requests for help.

Your mil is a bit bonkers - I can understand not wanting to holiday with a baby because of the routine, amount of stuff etc, but to be happy to do it in the UK doesn't make a huge amount of sense. Other than you're more likely to have your car?! But it is what it is. Fwiw we've had some brilliant UK holidays, just make sure you have a wet weather plan!

My oh my, this thread escalated fast.

An observation I've made about Mumsnet is that when people become as over-invested in strangers' lives as this, and when they resort to such personal diatribes about others' family spats that are pretty trivial in the scheme of things, there's often an element of projection involved.

@LizzieLookAtTheFlowers, much as I've posted up-thread that the comparison with SiL & her kids is probably unhelpful, I think you have the patience of a saint. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone on here, particularly when they become like a dog with a bone over deeply personal questions to which they assume the right to an answer, and just won't let it go. Posting here for advice neither compels you to take it, nor puts you under obligation to answer intrusive, repetitively-put questions you've made it clear you don't want to answer.

It's fine to disagree with your point and tell you YABU if that's what people believe. But it's not necessary to get so downright personal.

Remember that old adage about wrestling with the pig ...