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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask adult to move seat for toddler

530 replies

Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:05

Family bbq. Table prepped and my 2 year old DD sits next to my seat so I put her plastic plate there. After a short while, DD gets up to play for 10 mins. We're all called to table as food ready. DB sits by me in the seat previously chosen by DD. DD gets to the table and demands her seat back from DB and according to DB gives him an "evil glare". I know DD is about to throw a tantrum so I ask DB if she can have her seat back. DB argues it's not her seat and he's not getting up for a spoilt child. Eventually he gets up after a big row.

Later he tells me that my parenting is bad and I'm pandering to DDs tantrums. I try to explain that choosing my battles when DD is about to tantrum at an adult bbq is not pandering but keeping the peace. DB says I'm defensive about my parenting and should accept my errors as I've allowed my 2 year old to develop a "tantrumming personality".

I know this is so childish but I'm upset at the criticism. Not sure if this is relevant but DB has no children and my child is his only experience of toddlers.

So question is, WIBU to ask DB to move out of the seat DD had chosen earlier? Or should I have moved DDs plate to another seat and just accepted the ensuing tantrum?

OP posts:
PreseaCombatir · 03/07/2019 19:46

Don’t @ me

PreseaCombatir · 03/07/2019 19:48

I don’t like being patronised. I am not a two year old

Also, you shouldn’t patronise 2 year olds

pollymere · 03/07/2019 19:50

As an adult, you'd be narked if you got up to get a drink or go to the toilet and someone was sitting where you'd left your plate. Why should a toddler see things any differently? I think your DB should've sat on the other side of you. However, you probably should've said that she was sitting there before DB even sat down as a polite warning.

bmbonanza · 03/07/2019 19:52

Who is the child? DB is an adult, he can sit anywhere, why would he be such a spoilt brat as to make a stand on something that really does not matter and upset a 2 year old for no reason. Idiot!

FontSnob · 03/07/2019 19:53

Ugh. He sounds like a knob. You sound like you’re parenting in the way that works for you. Two year olds have tantrums as they are small people dealing with huge emotions. We all get pissed off and have moments when we don’t speak to people like we know we should do why do people think that two year olds should be able to immediately regulate how they speak when they’re feeling frustrated or angry?

pomers · 03/07/2019 19:54

She’s two. She needs to be close to a parent to feel safe.

WalkofShame · 03/07/2019 20:00

YABU and very P(presumably)FB. She’s two and quite capable of sitting on the opposite side of you.

Ilfie · 03/07/2019 20:01

Think you have to remind yourself that you’re the grown up person and you’re dealing with small children! You’re the boss!

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 03/07/2019 20:02

@PreseaCombatir I will if I want
If you don’t like it don’t enter a public discussion forum 🙄

And I don’t think explaining something to a two year old is patronising. In any event I’d rather be patronising to a two year old than just mean.

browzingss · 03/07/2019 20:03

Opened this thread thinking you had asked a stranger on a train or something, in that cause I would say you’re in the wrong.

It being your brother at a family bbq somewhat changes things but I agree that you’re pandering to her behaviour

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 03/07/2019 20:06

So, a man comes along and takes the place that she believes to be hers? She learns that she has to make way for a man, because his needs take precedence over her own...

Hammondisback · 03/07/2019 20:06

Your DB is unreasonable. Sounds like mine - self righteous prig. YANBU.

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 20:08

The fact that it’s a man is entirely irrelevant. Is there no end to the misandry on MN?

Karwomannghia · 03/07/2019 20:09

I made an assumption that no other seats were available. If that was the case then I do think she can’t take up a seat as she can go on your lap. Otherwise I think she should have sat next to you, but you just need to do the public parenting thing where you pull her up on her manners and effectively do the request politely for her. Really you should have apologetically said to your brother when he sat down that she was sitting there and you needed to supervise her, rather than leaving the 2 year old to sort it out!

PreseaCombatir · 03/07/2019 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

isadoradancing123 · 03/07/2019 20:16

If she was older yes, but at 2 ywnbu

BeardyButton · 03/07/2019 20:17

I hate this 'the moment a child demands, it should be squashed' business. Sure, teach kids to be kind, respectful, fair etc. But also teach them that they too are deserving of respect. Teach them that they too are deserving of fairness. It was her seat. He sat in it. She had every right to ask for it back. The fact that she will stand up for herself is excellent. Sure she shouldnt be rude with it. That comes with experience and role modelling. But the fact that she has a strong enough will to stand up to someone bigger and stronger than her, when she is justified. Thats bloody brilliant. Please dont try and break her will just to make her more compliant.

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 03/07/2019 20:18

Alsohuman

Is it though?

Jojobythesea · 03/07/2019 20:19

I know where you are coming from with daily examples and things such as family gatherings, weddings etc meaning different levels of strictness. I did that with my youngest (my eldest was an angel and knew when to stop) and he gradually learnt that I didn't want to cause a scene or tell him off on these occasions. That then meant that he would push and push with myself and DH until the point I didn't want to go to gatherings like this as he would always end up causing a problem in one way or another. I think being strict and reasonable all the time whatever the occasion is key and they know what's what and what we expect from them. Your brother was being a dick too. I think most adults would kind of laugh it off.

WalkofShame · 03/07/2019 20:23

@GuidoTheKillerPimp

Yup.

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 20:25

@PreseaCombatir, you’re assessment couldn’t be more astute.

Tigger001 · 03/07/2019 20:28

A child will learn mostly by behaviours of their parents, all this twaddle of being scared to tell a child no is just ridiculous. The child did absolutely nothing wrong, the stupid brother didn't respect the place set out for a 2 year old to be by their mother.

I can't understand why an adult would show such disregard for their niece, just because they are not as strong, less capable and smaller hhhmmm isn't there a name for people who do this to people !!!!!!

Juliehooligan · 03/07/2019 20:33

You are not being unreasonable, your daughter is just 2 and needs to have someone keep their eye on her whilst she is eating, your brother needs to do one and grow up a bit.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 03/07/2019 20:36

@PreseaCombatir I can see being disciplined as a child did you the world of good.

No wonder @Alsohuman likes your assessment. Grin

I am just rising above it like a lovely wafting patronising cloud.
You can’t send me to the bedroom or tell me to be quiet. Doesn’t work that way Grin

Zoejj77 · 03/07/2019 20:37

It’s weird for a childless man to comment in such a way. He owes you an apology too I think

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