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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask adult to move seat for toddler

530 replies

Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:05

Family bbq. Table prepped and my 2 year old DD sits next to my seat so I put her plastic plate there. After a short while, DD gets up to play for 10 mins. We're all called to table as food ready. DB sits by me in the seat previously chosen by DD. DD gets to the table and demands her seat back from DB and according to DB gives him an "evil glare". I know DD is about to throw a tantrum so I ask DB if she can have her seat back. DB argues it's not her seat and he's not getting up for a spoilt child. Eventually he gets up after a big row.

Later he tells me that my parenting is bad and I'm pandering to DDs tantrums. I try to explain that choosing my battles when DD is about to tantrum at an adult bbq is not pandering but keeping the peace. DB says I'm defensive about my parenting and should accept my errors as I've allowed my 2 year old to develop a "tantrumming personality".

I know this is so childish but I'm upset at the criticism. Not sure if this is relevant but DB has no children and my child is his only experience of toddlers.

So question is, WIBU to ask DB to move out of the seat DD had chosen earlier? Or should I have moved DDs plate to another seat and just accepted the ensuing tantrum?

OP posts:
Holyshitbags · 03/07/2019 21:34

She had chosen her seat, her plate was there.
Brother should have said “oops, yes I am sat in your seat aren’t I? Perhaps you would like to ask me to move nicely” and then HE should have moved to the empty seat.
If he had set his plate down at a place and gone off for a drink to come back and find his seat had been occupied by someone else he would have had two choices - move or ask them for his seat back. Thing is, he’s not bloody 2!

fedup21 · 03/07/2019 21:34

If no one was sitting there, it’s fine for your brother to have sat down in the chair.

Once the 2 year old came back and decided she wanted to sit down, I wouldn’t have made him move-if have moved myself and let her sit in my chair. I’d have stood or sat on the floor.

BlushPinkRose · 03/07/2019 21:35

Children should not have to move for adults, why do you think you're more important and deserve more respect just because you're older?

Really? Read my post above when a child sat in a seat on a plane I’d paid for. Should I have allowed that child to remain in my seat? I think not. 🙄

Tigger001 · 03/07/2019 21:35

Demanding a seat with an “evil glare” doesn’t sound very respectful, does it? ahahaha she is 2 years old !!!!!!

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 21:36

Old enough to learn.

Owlchemist · 03/07/2019 21:38

Really? Read my post above when a child sat in a seat on a plane I’d paid for. Should I have allowed that child to remain in my seat? I think not. 🙄

That's not the same thin at all, don't be facetious, you PAID for the seat, of course the child can't have it. Not the case here, doubt DB paid for his seat the BBQ with the kids plate and cutlery there.

Tigger001 · 03/07/2019 21:39

Yes, learn that she is quite entitled to get her seat back at a family bbq once she has only been out of it for 10 mins. If someone jumped next to me and my DH returned and said it was his seat, the person would move - basic manners.

If it had been someone seat, yes she is not entitled to ask for it, but it was her seat !!

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 21:42

You just don’t get it, do you? It’s not the asking, it’s how it was done. A demand and a glare. I wouldn’t move for someone of any age who demanded and glared.

Tigger001 · 03/07/2019 21:50

I can assure you, you would in the big bad real world.

You are completely right. I just don't get it, I don't understand people who have such a low regard for their own children, it completely baffles me and be glad I don't have to associate with such the like, or those of you who are like minded.

I have a nearly 2 year old, who is great a sharing and very well behaved and I know not one person who would expect me to allow my brother to treat him like that, because I can tell you, not one person would !!!

Agree to disagree and be glad we don't think alike,

Lweji · 03/07/2019 21:55

You just don’t get it, do you? It’s not the asking, it’s how it was done. A demand and a glare. I wouldn’t move for someone of any age who demanded and glared.

She's too.
Children glare and get cross. They also forget manners.
Why? Because they're children. Not adults.
I bet she's not even out of nappies, but she's supposed to act mature when someone steals her place? Please!!!

Lweji · 03/07/2019 21:56

Ups.
She's two!

Owlchemist · 03/07/2019 21:56

Agree with Lweji

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 21:56

I assure you I wouldn’t. I’m glad we disagree too.

FontSnob · 03/07/2019 21:59

Oh my goodness, no, a 2 year old demanding with a glare! How very dare she! so disrespectful...flog her immediately and never let her in public again.

Eatdrinkbemerry · 03/07/2019 22:04

I also agree. She’s two!!!!!! Yes as parents we can start teaching them manners. Saying please and thank you etc. But they won’t always remember or understand and most of the time we have to prompt them when they forget.
OP is the one that would need to remind DD when she forgets her manners. Whether she does that there and then or in private is up to her!

BUT the DB also needed to act like the adult instead of ripping into his sister and being stubborn with a two year old!!!

My sister and I parent very differently. I used to tell my daughter publicly when she misbehaved or forgot her manners etc. My sister waits until she gets home.

Hermagsjesty · 03/07/2019 22:05

Your brother sounds completely unreasonable. I hate it when adults over ride children like that.

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 22:07

These kids who aren’t allowed to be “over ridden” are going to get a hell of a shock when they start school.

Frankola · 03/07/2019 22:11

Sounds like db had the tantrum here not your dd!

FontSnob · 03/07/2019 22:14

No they aren’t Almosthuman because they’re currently only 2 and have a few more years to learn huge amounts in their little developing brains with developing emotions.

Lweji · 03/07/2019 22:17

These kids who aren’t allowed to be “over ridden” are going to get a hell of a shock when they start school.

There's a difference between reasonable and unreasonable requests.
If it's reasonable (the place was hers) I don't see why it must overridden just for the sake of teaching that children must do what adults tell them.

This will also go down well if a paedophile, for example, overrides the children's defences and resistance. Just because it's an adult. Don't you think?

FontSnob · 03/07/2019 22:17

*Alsohuman sorry, got your name wrong, clearly a Freudian slip.

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 22:18

Did you dear? How very clever of you.

Tigger001 · 03/07/2019 22:18

It's as if some adults just override the kids as they believe them not to have the same rights just because they can not Express them as eloquently.

OP brother being a fine example of how to throw a tantrum, you never know he may teach her something after all 🤣🤣🤣

FontSnob · 03/07/2019 22:21

Actually Alsohuman, yes I did but I take the (admittedly passive aggressive) apology back. You continue to sound like a delightful human though.

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 22:22

I am.

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