To ask adult to move seat for toddler

[Topsecretidentity]

Family bbq. Table prepped and my 2 year old DD sits next to my seat so I put her plastic plate there. After a short while, DD gets up to play for 10 mins. We're all called to table as food ready. DB sits by me in the seat previously chosen by DD. DD gets to the table and demands her seat back from DB and according to DB gives him an "evil glare". I know DD is about to throw a tantrum so I ask DB if she can have her seat back. DB argues it's not her seat and he's not getting up for a spoilt child. Eventually he gets up after a big row.

Later he tells me that my parenting is bad and I'm pandering to DDs tantrums. I try to explain that choosing my battles when DD is about to tantrum at an adult bbq is not pandering but keeping the peace. DB says I'm defensive about my parenting and should accept my errors as I've allowed my 2 year old to develop a "tantrumming personality".

I know this is so childish but I'm upset at the criticism. Not sure if this is relevant but DB has no children and my child is his only experience of toddlers.

So question is, WIBU to ask DB to move out of the seat DD had chosen earlier? Or should I have moved DDs plate to another seat and just accepted the ensuing tantrum?

So you have a brother who rides rough shod over a child's desire to sit next to their mother during a meal. And while thinks she should be smacked!

I wouldn't let him anywhere near your daughter as he won't respect her ... regardless of her age.

@Ginlinessisnexttogodliness

I called you a dickhead.
You’ve insinuated I had a shot level of parenting, and are insinuating that my children are at risk from my rage induced what? Am presuming violence? Lol but it’s okay because you never used any naughty words 😆
I’m not at all in a rage. I’m both bemused and amused that an adult has so little social awareness that when advised it’s against etiquette to stop @ ing people took that as a green light to do it again and again.
You’re like a little gnat, buzzing around me with your thesaurus 🤦‍♀️😂
Stop @ ing me lol

Even if you were pandering the point is he was arguing with a toddler, the fact he expected a toddler to move says more bout him than you, when I go to children’s party and the kids want to sit next to thier Mum I always move over. It’s not unreasonable for your dd to want to sit next to you. Sounds like he was being childish too.
I would have convinced my dc to use other side in the end. Took the higher ground so he looks even more of a douche 😊

@PreseaCombatir
You called me a dickhead.
It was never going to end well.

On the basis you have launched all kinds of abusive tirades at me, I consider myself entitled to ruminate upon your levels of tolerance in a wider context. So I did. See I got the thesaurus out again. I am quite happy to explore our differences of opinion in an erudite and civilised manner but you seem incapable of this or just disinterested. If it’s the latter - and I will give you the benefit of the doubt - then why don’t you just stop replying to me?
If it’s the former then just come back with another load of profanity laden dross. It’s what I’ve come to expect.

If my son said " that's not your chair, its mine, sit there" its completely acceptable at 2, when he starts school I would expect a "please can you sit there" other than that, spot on !!!

Your daughter sounds like a 2 year old.

Your db also sounds like a 2 year old.

It was perfectly reasonable for your 2 year old to view the seat beside her mum that was hers just a few minutes ago was still hers. Most adults would think the same. They might shrug it off and sit elsewhere of course. Oh, I was sitting there, never mind.

He was being a dick.

Your brother is an arrogant knob. Jealous somehow?

Completely on the DB’s side here

Isn't it fascinating how a whole thread can be hijacked by a couple of people determined to have the last word? In the words of a great neuropsychiatrist 'Self importance is stimulating but does not give balance.' And 'Don't strive for sympolic victories'.

We operate a three second 'snooze you lose' policy at all family gatherings - no distinctions between old and young, and start them as early as possible - if you want to leave your seat for ten minutes, be prepared for it to be gone when you get back.

It’s not difficult, stop @ ing me, I don’t need your shit popping up in my email.
Why can’t you put asterisks around the name like everyone else manages to? It’s not difficult.
It’s weird how desperate for my attention you are.

It’s not difficult, stop @ ing me, I don’t need your shit popping up in my email.

Clearly they love harassing you at this point.

YWDBU! The other seat was free.

I know a few mums who would act similarly to you. And guess what - their kids are rude, demanding snowflakes even now they're 5/6.

She got up. She can sit the other side. Very fair.

Do you also change the colour of her cup/plate to avoid a tantrum? Because that's something I see a lot with tantrummy kids.

Mine just know a plate is a plate. Same food.

It’s not difficult, stop @ ing me, I don’t need your shit popping up in my email

If you don't like the functions available on MN, get off MN or switch off your notifications. The function is there so it can be used be anyone

People saying she shouldn’t have to learn to give way to a man - wtf??

They’re at a social gathering
Toddler goes off to play for ‘at least 10 minutes’
Mum’s brother comes & sits in ONE of the empty chairs next to her
Mum has NO problem with this as he sits down
Toddler returns & DEMANDS the brother move despite there being another empty chair on the other side of her Mum
Brother doesn’t like being barked at & refuses
Mum joins in with toddler ‘has huge row’ and ‘forces brother to move’

Anyone who’s managing to read a gender equality issue in that is reading is very differently to me.

Yes she’s just 2. Yes it’s normal for 2 year olds to make all sorts of various demands & have issues over all sorts of things.

No I don’t think it’s reasonable for a Mum to join in with the toddler & kick off when another adult refuses to follow the demands of the toddler / Mum combo.

@Devora13 I can’t quite believe how out of hand this thread has got

Ultimately the Mum chose to have a ‘huge row’ / tantrum over which of the chairs next to her, her child should be allowed to have ‘in order to avoid a tantrum at a social gathering’.

Pretty sure most guests would find a toddler kicking off over a chair far more comfortable than a grown woman kicking off over a chair.

@Owlchemist @namechangejune thank you

It’s really that simple @PreseaCombatir

I won't be bullied by some aggressive stranger online

Yes the thread has got out of hand because certain posters decided to descend into personal insults regarding others points of view, their children, mental health and poor choices that were beyond reasonable. Even for AIBU

If I am one of those hijackers I am more than happy to be since I will not be spoken to like shit by anyone

In this case you were right BUT stop pandering to your DD, You are the adult she is the child . If you dont want to bring up a brat start the discipline today if not your life and hers will be hell

I think it would have been rude from an older child, but perhaps not a 2 year old who is still learning to use language. Presumably if she'd said "please could I sit there, next to my mum, where my plate is?" and smiled nicely, then he'd have let her. I think that's expecting a lot of someone who is so young.

Only you know if she was intending to be rude or if she was acting at the limits of her understanding and capabilities with speech and getting frustrated with that. I know mine would have understood a lot more than they could have said at that age and they do have some fixed ideas of how things should be. If I wanted to help them I might have suggested some words she could use to ask politely and let her try again (always easy to think of things afterwards though).

It's a bit like me as an adult going to Russia and needing to ask someone for something. I don't know any Russian, but I could probably pick up a few phrases and try those. I'd hope that if I got it wrong or phrased something rudely accidentally then the person I was talking to would understand that I was still learning and not just shout at me.

My now 5yr old was like that - choosing your battles is, in my opinion, the BEST thing to do.
It's not an unacceptable request for your 2yr old to sit next to you to eat! How can you keep your eye on her behaviour at the table if shes up the other end?!
DB was unreasonable and - seems to me - picking a fight for the sake of it.
If I were you, I'd have said; "When you have children and have to contend withall the tantrums; then and only then, can you comment on MY parenting!"
YWNBU!

But the two year old wasn’t going to be up the other end, she could have sat on the other side of her Mum! Or the OP could have moved up one space so the toddler was in between her and her uncle.

I don’t think the brother in this situation is entirely unreasonable. I wouldn’t want a two year old demanding I move seats whilst her Mum says nothing.