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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP? He's ignoring me please help

267 replies

Inahuffpuff · 01/07/2019 21:32

My DP and I made plans on Friday to do something today (Monday) we barely spend any time together, so was looking forward to it. We don’t live together btw. Sunday night he tells me he can’t make it because he needs to see his friend. I lost it, and sent him a long message basically venting my frustration with everything that’s been going on. At the end, I tell him I won’t make anymore plans and to go to hell. He ignores the message, and the 4-5 messages I sent him today. I’ve even called him a few times, he’s ignored that. I’m now sitting here reading my messages that I sent to him trying to figure out what he could be upset about, and I think it’s the ‘go to hell ‘ bit. He’s the type that will ignore you all day if you swear at him or send him an angry text.

Ive apologised before when I’ve sent angry texts out of frustration but with this one I don’t know. AIBU or is he? Would you be upset if someone told you to go to hell in anger and ignore them all day? I’m tempted to call him again, cuz I want to know what he’s angry about. Please help me

OP posts:
ILoveYou3000 · 01/07/2019 21:56

Love Maura's bikini.

MadameButterface · 01/07/2019 21:57

Ah jeez leave him alone, either he’s a serial canceller of plans for no good reason who’s selfish and just not that into you, or you’ve massively over reacted and sent horrible texts to someone, not for the first time, over a bit of summat and nowt. Neither scenario can be fixed by you blowing his phone up all night.

Original poster
Inahuffpuff · 01/07/2019 21:57

*Why didnt you ask before you went off on one?

You have apologised before for sending angry texts, now saying the texts werent angry? I am confused as you also said you 'lost it'.*

I should have asked, but I was just angry because he agreed to meet his friend knowing full well he made plans to be with me on Monday, that's what annoyed me.

In the past I did apologised for sending angry texts, but that was because I had he was ignoring me even though he wasn't. He was just busy doing something, so I apologised when he explained why he wasn't replying to my texts. I realised I was BU, so apologised.

OP posts:
ILoveYou3000 · 01/07/2019 21:57

Wrong thread, have reported.

Justathinslice · 01/07/2019 21:58

If you behaved badly, then apologise.
Doesn't mean you can't be angry that he changed plans.

Original poster
Inahuffpuff · 01/07/2019 22:00

I think if something did happen to his friend, he would have said something 100% even if he's angry with me. So I'm assuming nothings happened and they just met up

OP posts:
cstaff · 01/07/2019 22:03

OP I'd be majorly pissed off with him for a last minute cancellation unless he had a bloody good reason and not an excuse.

Stop texting and calling. If he is interested he will get back to you. I would leave it to him for the moment.

Mnetter19831983 · 01/07/2019 22:03

Men paticularly don't like being harassed.

You told him to go to hell, sent a couple of ranty paragraph texts to him then called him. Trust me I know both men and women hate clingy and harassing texting, but men seem to more.. The moment you show any signs of being controlling or sending them multiple angry texts and calls is when they begin to get fed up.

If he let you down for his friend then I can see your upset there if there isn't a decent reason. But there was no need to tell him to go to hell, you could have been adult about it.. waited to see him.. Then voice how you feel calmly. He would or should have appreciated that more.

AmericasAss · 01/07/2019 22:03

So you send angry texts when he doesnt respond quickly enough, because he is busy and he has to explain himself. How long was it that it took him to respond?

And you kick off because he cancelled plans, without finding out what's going on with his friend?

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 01/07/2019 22:04

Sorry OP, 'go to hell' sounds like you're breaking up with him. I understand your frustration at him though, but without more detail about what he said and how he said it when he cancelled on Sunday, it's hard to know who's BU.

aweedropofsancerre · 01/07/2019 22:05

It was understandable to be angry at him changing his plans with you. However instead of talking to him over the phone and finding out why, you proceeded to send venting angry texts and told him to go to hell. Then you keep messaging the following day after telling him to go to hell, then are pissed off he isn’t contacting you.... maybe time to reflect on your relationship as it doesn’t sound like it’s working.

Closertotheheart · 01/07/2019 22:05

You both sound very young. Don't mean that in a horrible way. If he's binned you off to see his mate he doesnt sound like he is in to you.

That's the problem with texting. You've thought he was ignoring you in the past when he was just busy. They can be interpreted in different ways too.

Bluerussian · 01/07/2019 22:07

Why so many texts? He probably felt bombarded. You definitely sound like hard work, op.

TanyaChix · 01/07/2019 22:10

I agree - none of this sounds very mature. Ranting by text and ignoring each other suggests there’s a long way to go before you communicate well enough during arguments. Don’t send any more messages - you’ve sent enough and risk coming across like you are too clingy and controlling. I mean that kindly even though it probably doesn’t seem it!

adaline · 01/07/2019 22:10

I would be upset if I was cancelled on, but you way overreacted and I would probably ignore someone who swore at me and told me to go to hell - why on earth should he speak to you? Hmm

Why have you vented and sent angry texts to him before? Maybe he's just sick of you taking your temper out on him?

15YemenRoad · 01/07/2019 22:11

OP, I would ignore you too in this situation. No one wants to be verbally abused. Unfortunately he cancelled plans and you then decided to go off your handle and send out abusive messages and most likely imply you want the relationship to end.

Most people in that instance would ignore I imagine to allow the other person to calm down. I do think you should apologise, especially as you appear to have a habit of this.

After apologising, discuss your feelings like an adult and explain what you truly mean and see if he understands and then go from there.

I've been where you are and getting abusive/ranting messages is draining especially when you've not done something intentionally to hurt someone. All he literally said was he was not able to see you and you went off - imagine if he did that to you. Everyone here would be saying to leave him and that he is an abuser and so forth.

Address your anger and handle the situation in a civil manner.

Original poster
Inahuffpuff · 01/07/2019 22:11

you could have been adult about it.. waited to see him.. Then voice how you feel calmly. He would or should have appreciated that more.

Yes, this is what he would have liked. I'm the type that will react and say certain things, then think about it later.

You both sound very young.

We're both 31 Confused

OP posts:
NeckPainChairSearch · 01/07/2019 22:12

Sorry OP, if someone did that to me, especially with the back story of previous angry messages, I'd cease contact. Can you imagine the advice that you'd get if it was the other way around?

YANBU to be annoyed at the change of plan, but YABU generally.

LillithsFamiliar · 01/07/2019 22:13

Ignoring someone is petty and a deal breaker for me. But the fact is you sent him a long complaining text, swore at him, then bombarded him with other messages and calls. He might not be ignoring you. He might just have had enough.
This doesn't sound all the drama and upset for either of you.

NCforthis2019 · 01/07/2019 22:14

OP - leave it. Don't apologise - you shouldn't have sent so many texts venting your frustration - but you're frustrated. It is what it is - he sounds like he's not that into you and the relationship is rocky.

I would leave it, and re-consider if you should be with him.

LoveMyNewHome · 01/07/2019 22:14

This doesn't sound like a proper relationship. I would just let things be now & move on. You are clearly not right for each other. plenty more fish!

BertrandRussell · 01/07/2019 22:14

I know i’m old and out of touch-but if someone sent me a text saying they weren’t going to make any more plans and to go to hell, I would consider myself dumped.

15YemenRoad · 01/07/2019 22:14

Yes, this is what he would have liked. I'm the type that will react and say certain things, then think about it later.

That's nothing to be proud of and is quite embarrassing for you. It's time to reflect on your attitude and behaviour and get your anger in check. Otherwise you will find yourself alone as no one will put up with such crap for too long. Everyone has limits.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/07/2019 22:15

Your relationship sounds awful and it’s probably best to leave him to it and only consider getting back in touch if you’re going to stop sending him angry ranty messages. Fine you were disappointed he changed the plans but you’re trying to train him to only do what you want by raining abuse on him if he doesn’t and that’s a toxic dynamic. You need to find ways to manage your feelings and communications. I don’t agree at all with a PP that he’s manipulative. I think he’s had enough of you going off on one and he’s right. If you’re always angry you’re doing it wrong.

CaptainCabinets · 01/07/2019 22:16

I would’ve replied telling you to fuck off so he’s shown some impressive restraint there.

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