AIBU or is DP? He's ignoring me please help

[Inahuffpuff]

My DP and I made plans on Friday to do something today (Monday) we barely spend any time together, so was looking forward to it. We don’t live together btw. Sunday night he tells me he can’t make it because he needs to see his friend. I lost it, and sent him a long message basically venting my frustration with everything that’s been going on. At the end, I tell him I won’t make anymore plans and to go to hell. He ignores the message, and the 4-5 messages I sent him today. I’ve even called him a few times, he’s ignored that. I’m now sitting here reading my messages that I sent to him trying to figure out what he could be upset about, and I think it’s the ‘go to hell ‘ bit. He’s the type that will ignore you all day if you swear at him or send him an angry text.

Ive apologised before when I’ve sent angry texts out of frustration but with this one I don’t know. AIBU or is he? Would you be upset if someone told you to go to hell in anger and ignore them all day? I’m tempted to call him again, cuz I want to know what he’s angry about. Please help me

It shouldn't be this hard OP.

How are some of you still going on about HIM being the abuser???
If a woman cMe on here and said her DP flips every time she doesn't immediately answer you would all go into LTB NOW mode
I am absolutely shocked that aggressive and controlling behaviour seems to be ok just because someone has a vagina... Moreover, adequate reaction to it is considered abuse.
Amazing...

great post sevenoftwelve

@sunshinefinally No he hasn't replied yet. It's 9pm, he got off at 6pm and has been on WhatsApp all day. But it doesn't matter, I've already made up my mind. I'm done with him and the relationship, I want to be single and work on myself. It's weird because I thought I would be more upset than I am now, it's like I've already mourned the relationship. I've been so miserable for the past year, I'm just relieved now that I don't have to be in this vicious cycle anymore, blowing up and him ignoring me until I cave in. And when I'm ready, I can finally find someone who wants the same as me.

I think he just thinks that I'll keep sending him messages that he can ignore, and he will just talk to me when he feels like it. Nah, I deserve so much more than this!

@sevenoftwelve Thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed. Some sort of course I could join

I can't stand being ignored. I think it's a cruel thing to do and often about power play. Well done on moving forward OP, how will you tell him that it's over??

Really?!?! So you'd end a 4 year relationship because they swore?

@HappyLoneParentDay I'd have ended it well, well, well before the 4-year point. I'd have ended it the first time it happened. As I'm sure many others on here would, too.

Not one of my exes, let alone DH, has ever sworn at me.

If someone told me to 'go to Hell' they'd be out the door.

There is absolutely zero chance of getting to four years in, and (save the discovery of something like cheating) someone suddenly having a complete personality transplant, and swearing at a partner like this, out of the blue.

If you have robust boundaries and standards, you have zero tolerance for this sort of behaviour from the beginning.

It doesn't get to the 4-year point. That's the entire point.

Inahuff, I think you're right, you need to draw a line under this. It's not working for either of you, time to find someone who fits you, and you them.

(And to add Shatnerswig is a long time, excellent MUMSnet poster(

@Inahuffpuff well I'm glad you have made your mind up and thinking about urself! His massive loss! And yes you deserve so much better.... ☺️

Good move inahuffpuff - it's really not meant to be this painful. Onwards and upwards.

Plipplopbop That's very kind of you. Thank you.

Sounds like the right decision, OP. Some people just manage to bring the worst in us, I know my exH did. Maybe he's abusive, he's probably just an arsehole. You need to give yourself some space and only when your self esteem is ready, start looking for a new guy that actually wants to spend time with you. You deserve better.

Sounds like the right decision, OP. Some people just manage to bring the worst in us,

no we are all responsible for our actions not someone else. especially not the victim of her abuse.

ISayWhatNow I think she has done that in the text she described in the OP.

Next step is blocking him.

Your relationship is not good.... move on.

How are you op

Also another wondering how you're doing, OP.
Have you made any changes?
Have you (both) fallen back into the same old behaviour pattern?
Hope all is well.